I gave it my all. I feel stupid. I hurt and I miss him, but a part of me kinda thinks he is a monster. I was so happy with my life before I met him. When we first starting hanging out I noticed he has a drinking problem. He told me it was just a phase is was going through. "I just graduated college, my life is changing and it's summer," is what he told me. His dad is also an alcoholic, and has a domestic violence charge. He has always told me how he wants to do more with his life and he wants to be better than his father. But what I have realized... he is going down the same path as his father... During the summer he blacked out a lot. Why did I stick around? I have no idea. It got to the point that I could tell he had been drinking by the way he sounded on the phone or by the words he sent through text. One time he blacked out it was in public, around my friends. I was so humiliated. If my friends were not there I am positive someone would have called the cops for how ridiculous he was acting. You cannot argue with him after he has been drinking. During the summer I was a small mouse. I let him talk down to me. He is a very good person, but when he gets drunk, (sometimes I feel is only takes one drink for him to get mad) he says very mean things and gets aggressive. I have recordings on my phone of some of his blackouts. I have had many mornings of him apologizing. Many. And it DID sink in.. he began to realize how bad his drinking was. But as I see now, the amount he was drinking per week went down, way down. He substitute it with weed or Kartoma. Anyways, even though how often he drank went down, I feel that the episodes he has got worse. The reason I am writing this whole thing is because I feel lost, He has brought me down a lot. He has ridiculed me after drinking, screamed at me to the point where I start crying, and this would be his response, "I'm sorry you can't handle me, I'm sorry you didn't get beaten as a child, I'm sorry you're so perfect," Is it bad for me to be SO SICK of hearing that line that I don't even care that he did get beat as a child? I feel like all he does is put me down, and he does it in sneaky ways sometimes. He has never hit me, but this past new years eve he put his fist up, I remember. I feel like it is kind of my fault. I feel like I got mad too much. But I WAS A HAPPY PERSON. Things didn't bother me, but after dealing with his drinking for so long, the littlest thing would bother me and it would hurt our relationship. He also would tell me a lot that I don't try enough, that I don't support him and his drinking. If I cared I would actively help him look for AA and not get so mad at him if he "Relapses," god I am so sick of that excuse. Sad He did go to AA, and I had hope, he was excited about it and told me that he was going for himself and not for me... which is even better, right? He went to AA once, 3 days later he drank again.. He says he can control him... It's an endless cycle. New years was horrible, I was scared of him. And I feel like a !**@! in front of all his friends because you know WHAT, his friends don't know what happens behind closed doors. They just see me breaking up with him all the time. So at that party he grabbed me arm and was getting really aggressive in the bathroom and I didn't want his friends to know that we were fighting. So I called me mom and dad to pick me up. 2 days later, here he is, emailing me his apology, and man.... does he know how to choose his words wisely... I have seen him apologize so much and use reverse psychology on me so many times. I am not going to take it anymore. I feel like he has mad me feel that I caused most of the fights in our relationship, when really all I did was tip toe around him scared he would burst. I have no told all of my friends everything, and my family. I told them because I was tired of hiding, and pretending that he was getting better and that we were happy. I also told them everything because I feel that if I told them everything that if one day soon I for some reason get upset and run back, I will have them to stop me. But this sucks! I miss him so much. I haven't talked to him in 2 days, the last I remember him is him yelling at me. I hate it. I just need help. I need to hear other people's stories... should I go to an Al anon meeting. How should I be feeling right now. I feel sorry for him, but I know that is what he wants to, and I miss him so much. But for some reason when I look at a picture of him I get some different feelings... like, I don't know who he is. If he didn't have a drinking problem, we would have been perfect. It hurts to know I have to move on when knowing I never got the chance to love him. He was in love with alcohol.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied January 5th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
It is a very sad story and not uncommon as there are a lot of addictive personalities in this world and a lot of things to get addicted to...

This instance is yet another reminder to how even the undesirable behaviour of parents can indoctrinate their offspring into a life of serial behaviour.

The stock-in-trade of any sort of addict is lies - they become very skilled at telling themselves lies and they soon begin to believe them and because they believe them it makes them so convincing that others believe them too.
Nothing an addict says should be believed whether they are under the influence at that time or not...

Unfortunately it is only when rock-bottom is reached that an addict often has a "moment of lucidity" and will truly realise they have a problem they cannot control and will admit they need help.
The rock-bottom moment is often delayed by the well-meaning interference of loved-ones who attempt to insulate the addict from reality - the damage is often made worse by the kindness and secrecy of others!

I am sorry for your trouble and the pain you are feeling but the sad fact is the wisest thing you could have done and the best way to have helped him was probably to have turned your back on him a long time ago and left him to his own devices.

There are times in this life you really must look after yourself first and leave others to their fates.
Your priority now is to develop your support network and use it to get your healing process under way. If that means going to Al-anon then do so but be aware that over-analysing and having too much information can be counter-productive - you need to learn to accept and to heal and that can be set back a lot by trying to understand too much.
You can soon find your brain is like a hamster on an exercise wheel and you become mentally and emotionally exhausted...

Good luck!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 15th, 2013
I am in a similar situation and I cannot decide whether this truly is a fresh out of college phase or something that I should end a relationship early over. My BF is the best guy Ive ever met, he drinks as much or a little more than most but gets extremely sad or overly offended when he drinks. I dont think he realizes how it effects me or how serious I am about it. I respect you very much for doing what you did and choosing yourself over his addiction. I have seen first hand it tear a family apart. Though it may start out small as your situation did and snowball after that. Once you bring marriage and kids into that it can get really messy. I think it is good what you did and strong that you showed you have too much respect for yourself to deal with that. It is not your responsibility to find him help, he is a grown ass man and its time he starts acting like one. Stay strong and realize that your tough love will help him realize his mistakes.
|
Did you find this post helpful?