Hi Everyone.
I just left my abusive relationship last week. We lived together. lets just say me and the gut used to talk on the phone for 5 years. We didn't meet until about a year ago. We moved in quickly because we already "knew" each other. In the beginning he was sweet and always said he was inlove with me. This was my first relationship, so i was beyond happy. He did try to touch me the first couple times we met and I was really shy. He would "force" me to make out with him. I didn't know how and again, I was shy. He said things like "he wants to feel loved too" "why dont you touch me like i'm touching you?" "Rub my head and scratch my head too". Well eventually I got really comfortable with him. I remember one time before we moved on together, he would come over to my parents house (where I lived) and he got really mad because he saw an old text in my phone from months ago from a guy. He acted really upset and I said i'm sorry. He eventually moved in at my parents house because he has family issues. He knew how I was raised and he saw the state in which my room was which was "messy" (not how he likes it) he would start cleaning up after me and saying that I needed to be more neat. We eventually moved in together and thats when the problems started. Nothing I ever did was right! The house was never too clean. He would come in the house and get mad because I missed some crumbs on the counter. He got mad when I used too much toilet paper and said I dont pay for crap and I need to get a job because he pays for everything. (He knew i didnt have a job when we moved in). He would get mad at the towels because he wanted me to reuse my towels for a week because we didn't know where the laundry place was at the apartment. He would always say i'm a dirty !**@! and that i'm lazy. I don't even know when it got physical but we started fighting each other. He pinched me so hard on my boob and left a mark and said that he didnt pinch me that hard to leave a mark. He knew that I was emptionally dependent on him so he said things lke "your never going to leave me". I know that I was overly jealous in the relationship and wanted to be loved. Now looking back it it he was never affectionate towards me unless after he hit me and told me to lay with him and that hes sorry. I got to the point where I was hitting him back. This is horrible but when he would hit me.. I had to make it fair so i had to hit him back, and if i hit him "too hard" (more harder than he thought he hit me) he would go off and hit me really hard and said he didnt hit me "that hard". He called me !**@! regularly and a "dummy". I got so tired of him calling me names and hitting me I broke his tv. And the iphone that i gave him. He always held that against me the whole relationship. He eventually stopped having sex with me and said im crazy and that he wanted to break up. He would be on and off the whole relationship. He would tell me things like "go back to your moms house". That hurt me deeply as I said i wanted to be with him so why would i go back there (im back now haha). I told him that we were raised differently and that he cant expect me to be perfect. I told him that he knew how i was before we moved in together (hence my room was not how he preferred). I was always trying to make him happy. He would say that he liked abusing me and that i deserve it. I would say "wow i cant believe someone would say that. Thats not normal and you need help" he said he doesnt care. I had to beg him for sex and attention. He eventually withdrew and got distance.. Didnt want a kiss or innitiate one. He pushed me away from giving him affection and he told me hes been seeing someone at work because she doesn't fight with him. I left the next day while he was at work. That relationship was crazy. I am now wondering if we both abused each other.. Which we did but I didnt want to do that. I had to put up a defense.. I eventually picked up on his traits and would call him names too. We just always got mad at each other. The relationship was never good but I held him higher than anyone else and thought it was love. He choked me when he got mad and said i need to stop doing what im doing. I ended up doing that to him too. Now that we are apart i guess he is talking to his new "lover". This just a sad situation where I thought i knew him but i guess not. I made lies in my head to think we were happy when we wern't.
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