Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Abusive husband - I don't know what to do - or feel!!

Im 51 it's my 30th wedding anniversary next year.
My husband has been "difficult" from the start.
Over the years I've have been subjected to verbal bullying, public humiliation, spitting, kicks, slaps, punches and threats.
But I can't leave I want it to be better. I believe if I leave he will be much much worse and will make my life hell.
Just last night I was subjected to verbal and physical abuse, I HAVNT slept for 2 nights I am exhausted. My friends say I should leave, it's very cut and dry for them but I can't explain why I can't, they think I'm mad and weak.
Help!!
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied December 22nd, 2011
You are not mad or weak, you are a very strong woman for surviving all of these years living with him. The fact is, if he does not want to change or if he feels as if he does not need to change .. he won't. Unfortunately the reality is that you cannot change him or the situation, you are not the problem. He needs to change. Ask him to go to couples counseling (if you even think he would consider going). Research the power and control wheel, you might be surprised to find out all of the abusive characteristics he is displaying. Love is not spitting or humiliating or threatening. Stay strong and take time to think about your options and sort out your feelings/thoughts. My personal advice to you is to leave. But if you do decide to leave, make sure you are ready for it to be for good. The cycle of an on again of again abusive relationship can escalate very quickly. I hope this is helpful.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 31st, 2011
You are not mad and weak. You are in denial and stuck in a thought pattern. Dealing with abusive people is an internal tug-of-war with ourselves. All the care in the world isn't going to change him. He does not care what he has done to you. You need to switch gears and use your strength to make a plan to leave him. It will hurt at first but down the road you will commend yourself for loving yourself enough to protect yourself, to get away from him.
|
Did you find this post helpful?