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Hey everyone,

I wanted to start a topic about abortion vs adoption. I have been through both and figured I could share my stories with you, so please bare with me, this post might get a tad lengthy.

When I was 17, I was sexually assaulted by a man I was dating and I ended up getting pregnant. I ended up aborting. It was the best decision I could have made for myself and the lives involved. The guy wasn't the most decent. He was abusive, stronger than me, and got in my face often. I ended up breaking it off with him before I had the termination. I have not suffered any ill effects since then over the abortion.

Fast forward to 3 years ago(I am 23 years old). I was dating another guy, he seemed decent, we were in a pretty serious relationship, and we were using 2 forms of contraception- condoms and the Pill. They failed me. As soon as I mentioned that I wanted an abortion, but the guy apparently didn't agree, saying he wanted to keep the kid. At that point, everything changed. He locked me in a garage with barely and food or water, never mind the medical attention, and I finally managed to run away at about 6 months of pregnancy. I was forced into an unwanted pregnancy, and ultimately unwanted adoption. After I ran off, he was threatening to kill me and my kid, and his ex-girlfriend kept egging him on.

It has been over 2 years now, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, MDD, severe anxiety disorder, and severe panic disorder, all relating to the adoption. Nobody told me that all these mental disorders are the "norm" for birth mothers. I didn't expect it to be so hard. Everyone made adoption sound like this great option, when it really wasn't an option I would have chosen- I was pushed into it. The grief does not go away, it gets worse. When I tried seeking counseling, I was told to "just get over it" by the adoption agency.

As of this year, the guy who got me pregnant is facing prison time for hurting 2 babies under the age of 1. He nearly killed both of them.

The social stigma of women who adopt out is horrendous as well. Anytime someone finds out I went through adoption, I get called awful names and get accused of abandonment and carelessness, along with accusations of being a drug addict, a [tramp]/slut, someone who just didn't care about her own child, people ask me how I could give away my own kid, how I don't even deserve to live, and so on.

To conclude, adoption isn't easy. Adoption is 100x harder on your mental system than abortion is.

The only comparison I can come up with as to how adoption feels like is, imagining your child dying or being kidnapped and you never having the guarantee of ever seeing them again. It is an awful feeling, and something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

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replied July 25th, 2013
I am very VERY sorry you went through this. You are a VICTIM in every sense of the word. You were a victim of kidnap, torture, and sexual abuse. You weren't allowed to get an abortion because you were a prisoner. I am very sorry you gave the baby up for adoption, but maybe it was for the best. The people should have treated you FAR better. You were doing THEM a favor. I think the best thing obviously would have been an abortion, but you were not able to make the choice. I think adoption is a selfless choice but not something I could ever do. No way. I would definitely get an abortion before going through a long, hellish pregnancy and giving up a baby to a family I don't know that well. But considering you were a victim of torture and kidnap and sexual assault, I think keeping the baby may have been harder on you than giving it up for adoption. I guess the big problem with that though is you won't ever know if it would have been harder to parent. And I'm so SO sorry you went through that. That is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Please hold your head up. You sound to me like a very strong, very caring woman who did the best she could in a HORRIBLE situation. Sending you a virtual cyber hug.
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