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A poem I wrote about my experience w bp ex-bf

My Bipolar Boyfriend

My bipolar boyfriend
A brilliant artist often spouting words of the wisest sage
My bipolar boyfriend, in a flash can fill with rage
My bipolar boyfriend, can sweep you off your feet,
My bipolar boyfriend, can be so kind and sweet.
My bipolar boyfriend, can go off on a rant until I wanna lose my mind
My bipolar boyfriend, without remorse, can then turn cruel and so unkind
He’ll flatter you with charm, walking arm in arm
Then with little provocation you’ll fear he’ll do you harm.
My bipolar boyfriend told me I was the love of his life,
My bipolar boyfriend, I was going to be his wife.
He cries daily for some odd reason, maybe for a song or just because it’s crazy season.
My bipolar boyfriend, our love got me so high,
Then like a crack withdrawal, he left and I want to die.
A win lose situation, filled with such frustration,
My bipolar boyfriend will leave me on whim,
My bipolar boyfriend
can’t live with him or without him.
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replied July 15th, 2010
Move on. There is life after and happy days ahead. You have to bury your dead and pull out of this state of mind. Be glad you didn't marry him you don't relize how lucky you are. (Attitude is everything) By Keith Harell is a good book to get you back on the right track. Quit saulking in pig mudd plenty more BF's out there.
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replied July 23rd, 2010
darby1 wrote:
Move on. There is life after and happy days ahead. You have to bury your dead and pull out of this state of mind. Be glad you didn't marry him you don't relize how lucky you are. (Attitude is everything) By Keith Harell is a good book to get you back on the right track. Quit saulking in pig mudd plenty more BF's out there.


Perhaps you could try a little kindness and compassion? She wrote a lovely poem expressing how she felt and I for one, can relate to what she's saying but even if I couldn't she needs comfort right now not being told to "stop saulking in pig mud"
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replied July 23rd, 2010
Made me Cry
this brought me to tears. This describes my life exactly, and it sruck a nerve. My BF of 1 year is bipolar and everyone can see it but his family won't face it and get him some help. He's the love of my life and he's killing me inside. He can be the most charming, sweet man and then turn into a monster at the drop of a hat. We are at an all time low as I write this. He flew off the handle and won't talk to me and I've done NOTHING wrong. He's mad at a relative and he's taking it out on everyone. I feel so dead inside and defeated. I love this man with all my heart but I can't take this!!! I'm going to need medication soon for depression and I'm the happiest person you'd ever meet. Thank you for this poem, you certainly have a gift for putting feelings into words.
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replied July 26th, 2010
This relationship got serious for us very fast. We were in love, going to get married and I was pregnant with his child. I had no idea he was bipolar. I still dont know for sure because he denies it. What I do know is that he matches all the criteria and his behavior made no sense to me at the time. I only found out about bipolar after our relationship was over and suddenly everything made sense. I had my dream of possibly being a wife and mother delivered to me, but I knew something felt very wrong, so I did not go through with any of it and the destruction of my dream and his has had a very deep impact on both of us. He still has alot of anger towards me, and I understand his anger. But this is where I was coming from. It was devestating to me as I never wanted to hurt anyone, I'm a good person and I truly loved him. I was just trying to express my feelings and my deep sadness over what has happened. I am moving on as best as I can. But I give myself permission to mourn. Good luck to all of you who are dealing with bipolar in your life. I have compassion and I pray for all of you.
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replied August 3rd, 2010
You left him because he was bipolar and killed your baby because he was bipolar?
If the answer is yes, then you are disgusting.
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replied August 4th, 2010
And you Smaro are an a-hole. You have no idea how hard it was for me to make that decision, and what hell I must have been going through for me to make the one I did. Bi-polar is not a label - its behaviors - VERY DESTRUCTIVE AND PAINFUL BEHAVIORS TOWARDS THE ONES YOU LOVE!
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replied August 4th, 2010
No one has the right to judge. You have to take care of yourself. Stay strong.
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replied August 5th, 2010
Don't tell me what bipolar is, I am also a bipolar.
So, according to you, I am an as*hole and I behave in a painful and destructive way towards the ones I love...
Maybe yes, I don't care, they will never know how much my own pain is... You will never know...
My point was (or would like to be), since you know this behaviour is a symptom of this illness, you should close your eyes and ears to what we say and see what is behind of that- if you loveus that much, of course.
If you have not the strenghth or the courage to do that, then you -and we- are better off apart than together.
I don'tknow if every bipolar expects the same as I said for myself, but that is what I DEMAND from whoever is or wants to be with me- if you can't accept me this way, well sorry, I take my drugs and go to my shrink and do everything to control it but it is over my power, if you can't see this and still blame me for my attitude, then, ok, go find another, non-bipolar person to live happily ever after.
As you did.
Leaving is always the easiest thing to do, no matter how hard it seems that time. And it is always what a weak person, not a strong one, would do.
But there are still heroes out there than can tolerate us!
I found mine, hope your ex finds his one too!
As for you... you could have chosen not to marry him, but keep his baby since you were pregnant? Ok, this is something noone should criticise, and I;m not, I'm just trying to show you there was not an only way open for your dream life but more...
Sorry about the previous message, it was an outburst.
But if anyone did this to me, it would have killed me. If not literally, it would at least have killed a part inside me. The part that had loved this person.
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replied August 8th, 2010
Smaro - I did not leave my boyfriend. He left me. HE DID NOT TELL ME HE WAS BIPOLAR!! I would have done anything for him, but I didn't know what was wrong with him and he would tell me it was "my approach" when his behavior was triggered by me asking him if we could talk. But I knew that wasn't true because I have never had these kinds of problems in prior relationships and he would have odd reactions to other things not triggered by me. I prayed and prayed and prayed after he left me for God to tell me what was going on...and in odd ways all these clues came to me that led me to research bipolar disorder and all of the symptoms fit him to the bill! He still denies it. I did not keep the baby because I asked my best friends and my mom to tell me what they honestly felt (they had no idea what to say about his behavior, they thought he might have a secret drug problem but that did not seem plausible to me) based on what they were seeing they thought it was in our best interest for us to wait since he hadn't really worked since we had been together and because of his crazy behavior. I asked my boyfriend if we could wait until we felt more stable in our relationship and financial life before we brought another life into this world...that is when he had his worst manic episode and was accusing me of conspiracies, etc... Smaro, I am sorry that I called you an a-hole, but I have cried every single day for months and I already feel terrible...if I knew he was bipolar I wouldve tried everything and anything to help...honestly I didnt know what was wrong. I have apologized to him so many times I stopped counting, he doesn't care about me anymore...this is the worst thing I have ever done in my life, to myself, and to others, and I don't think I will ever ever get over it. I just wish I would've known....I still dont know since he wont admit it, but in my heart, I know he must be bipolar. His behavior was nothing I had ever experienced before. I am glad that you are at least proactive about this and honest about it....he wasn't. And I thought I was losing my own damn mind. I have so much anger and sadness within myself, I feel like I'm losing it....I was terrified and I didn't know what to do....my mother has always been right about the way she sees and calls things, and for the first time in my life, because I was so distraught and confused, I leaned towards choosing what my mom thought was best for me. That maybe weak, but I just didnt know what the hell to do.....I never wanted to hurt anyone....Sad Sad Sad
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replied November 21st, 2010
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friend,how sad. The very thing happened to me too.He went after promising me the world, promising me to give me a lot of love and care, to live with me, to give me this and that, he just got up one day and left me for another woman he met in a bar, now is saying he wants to be alone, does not like her, wants to meet me again, etc.I now it is only a phase and he is going to come back but only to do the cycle again.
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replied November 21st, 2010
smaro- you dont care that you hurt the ones you love? that's nice of you. As someone who has been hurt by a person very close to me with bipolar, i can tell you that it is extremely painful. I appreciate the fact that you are hurting as well..however to ignore and diminish the feelings of those that love and care for you is extremely selfish.
Still Healing- I empathise with you very much. Honestly, you will be better off without someone with bipolar. it is a living hell. You deserve more. In time you will see this and you will find someone that treats you with respect and love.
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replied February 27th, 2011
Just something to think about...
I am manic depressive. There is a valid argument for both sides.
While what Smaro can seem harsh, there is much to be said about those who live in this life, as we do.

stillhealing put her experiences into words. These words are her own. The thoughts speak to others and the bond amongst them are therapeutic. This is a tool for them to find support, not to be torn down.

HOWEVER... smaro has said a lot of things that are true, it may be blunt but you have got to get over it. With the war we fight, there is no room for the thin-skinned. The point of view from our side was not discussed in the original text, but that doesn't mean we should have to remain silent. You truly have not a gnikcuf clue. If this is how easily you become defensive... you wouldn't last thirty seconds in our minds. I feel guilty every gnikcuf day of my life about how this affects the people around me; whether it be financial, emotional, physical,etc. Here's something to think about: Why would I ever wish for the people around me to deal with this. It's not always about YOUR feelings. I struggle every day of my life to appear to have everything under control. I can't have any normal relationships. I do everything I can to handle myself but I can't all of the time. People don't stick around. They get to the point where they can't handle us anymore and then they leave. Losing countless friends, lovers ...it can create a bit of hostility towards unafflicted individuals. As long as you put yourselves in social situations you have the ability to make friends. You can easily tend to your relationships. When we make friends we have to explain ourselves. I'm 2o. I have a lot of different issues; but as a college student, explaining why you can't go out every night continually falls upon deaf ears. In the beginning, when you are building your relationship, we have to explain why we didn't text you for three days. Even small things such as this can ruin a relationship, thus forcing us to try and start again. It's discouraging sometimes. When my head is such a turmoltious place, being alone intensifies everything. These are a few things that you can't, and will never, understand. It makes me angry when people compare their pain to mine because I understand what they deal with and they don't gnikcuf get it. Most often people with depression are the ones to compare their pain to ours. They aren't even kind of comparable... *google the differences* it just proves ignorance. The thing about this is, I may be angry but I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy. (sorry for the small rant) I just wanted to give some things to think about.
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