Before I begin, I would like state that i'm still an addict who intends to get off this drug sometime within the next few years, hopefully.

I've had a history of insomnia that sprung up about 5 years ago. Actually it's hard for me attribute one single cause to that. I experience a mix of depression, anxiety and worry. Physically wise, I am active at night and have poor sleep discipline. Somedays, I do think a lot about the day or any problems as I lie in bed. Any one of these factors can trigger my insomnia and sometimes with the nervousness of not being able to sleep, it worsens my sleeplessness. I have been taking 1-2 pills of zopiclone (7.5mg) almost every night for these 5 years. Many a doctor have been shocked when they hear a man in his early twenties being on such a drug for so long. I tried going cold turkey several times but a relapse always came because of the triggering factors stated above that could disturb the whole equilibrium, giving rise to a new repeated cycle of insomnia.

Recently, I have started to take half or one full tablet in the day on top of my night dosage. The thing with this drug is that is calms me down and gives me a high (not to mention feeling of invincibility)that relaxes me. I recently discovered I can alleviate a bad day of work due to tiredness/stress by just popping one of these pills and it does work. Bad thing is, when the effect wears off shortly, I'll be back to a shitty mood and have to endure the rest of the day. It seems I have really grown a dependence on this medicine. I have this temptation now to bring my pills along with me in the day to work but I also know that this would only increase my reliance in time.

The biggest problem I face now is I realise my memory has deteriorated really badly, especially my short-term. I have trouble absorbing what others say and can't concentrate well when reading or listening. I have very short focus and usually try to keep up with a sentence before it is being finished. I'm not too sure if this is a result of:

1) Body being deficient of the drug.
2) A long term side-effect of the drug itself.
3) Stress and insuffienct sleep
4) Combination of factors above

I am descending into a vicious cycle. I really can't do without it and to resume this lifestyle is to destroy myself eventually. Somedays I ask myself the same questions some smokers ask themselves: That would you trade a longer lifespan for a short-term better quality of life. It is a scary question to which I am helpless to answer for I only now live for the next day.

All right, that's all for now . Thanks for listening to my rant.