Act like u don't know me and tell me |HONESTLY what u think?

Hey there, i'm 22 years old and have been diagnosed with depression. It really gets me down. I have been diagnosed for nearly 3 years now.
I became diagnosed after i got married.......a couple of months later i started to not sleep properly and i started to hallucinate.( but i'm sure it was real ...i swear i wsn't hallucinating!) Eventually i became withdrawn, distant, quiet, not my usual self. My husband told me to go to the doctors but i didn't. I found myself cryinhg hysterically for no reason given. There was no problems in the marriage. Not that i knew of .

I ended up thinking i had a mission to save the world and to help the poor...i was telling my family that i was running out of time and i ended up being taken to the doctors but was given medication for back pain....which clearly wasn't my problem! The next day i collapsed in the middle of the road, lots of people called the police, and from since then i have been in and out of hospitals! In the mental health section.

My husband was very supportive and came to see me but then started coming to see me less and less...which really got me down. He was busy with work and college(that's what i thought)
I ended up becoming worse and worse trying to commit suicide......for no reason at all (maybe its true that i've been black magicked)..... where at points i was monitored by two nurses at one time. I was on a lot of medication.

Then to my surprise my husband surprised me and came to see me in hospital on valentines and spent all day with me which was brilliant...words couldn't express how i was feeling?! N e way he bought me a card and hugo boss and then we just spent all day together.
Then when visting time was over he left and i was really pleased that he came to see me.

Then the next day when i was drugged up i got a phone call from my husband and he said that he wanted a "divorce"..........Wot da have sex? none of it made sense....what wos happening....i really didn't have a clue. I said fine don't call me again and hung up the line.(i didn't know what to say!)
Then i started to strangle myself and get worse and worse which led me to go into an intensive care unit in mental health.

I was in hospital under section 3 for 6 months.
6 months later i came out of hospital and went to my parents house i was preparing myself to have a talk with yasar and then go back to his house and work things out and find out what was bothering him(whether he was finding my illness to much too handle) but he posted a letter of divorce through the post box which just ruined me! It's not like we were a proper married couple because most of our "marriage" was me being sectioned in hospital. But to me i had given my life to someone i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I am now divorced but can't believe it..........i took a massive overdose and nearly died cos i thought there was nothing to live for but my sisters husband found me in time and my Dad lot rushed me into hospital who sometimes i say unforunatley saved my life. Since then i haev been strangling myself but less, taking overdoses...but now they hide the medication from me, i wos self harming badly and stabbed myself and slit my wrists....now everything sharp is hidden from me, i used to rip my hair out, i even starved myself for a few weeks, i jumped in the main busy road and jumped infront of cars but nothing works....it seems like God doesn't want to part with me just yet?!
Who knows all i know is i want to die but can't find the easiest way to do it? I need some help...what should i do?
I've lost my whole personality, i'm not the person i used to be and to top that of i've put on a lot of weight...i used to be into fitness a couple of years vefore i got married and was at the size i wanted to be.

If i die i think he'll think he's won! I'm confused. He divorce me in such a cruel way.

Don't get me wrong i do have a lot too live for like my really supportive family who have always been there for me, i've also started college and am currently studying a levels, i have a lot of support and most of the time i'm doing really well and just moving forwards with my life...it's like i think i'm over him......i'm 5 steps closer and then get dragged back 10 steps further! I've lost hope, its like ive failed. I've got nothing going for me.

I just wish i was dead so i wouldn't hassle everyone. I just want to be gone because i'm like a bad smell thats never gonna get better. People say its not true but to be honest i hate the person i am today.
I wish God would have done us all a favour and killed me before i was born so such a waste osf space was never born!
I just wanna die but its completley against my religon... I try to remeber that but rarely do... i'm thinking where , can i find pills to take an overdose just to end it all?

Yes i know i deserve to go in the hell fire...look at me down in the dumps and he on the other hand..sometimes i question myself so much that i don't realise it but i start to blame myself for everything that's happened.

I've got a lot of support it just seems like none of its helping!
What the hell should i do any suggestions on dying the easy way?