Last time we talk by phone, things got out of hand and it ended up in a big argument with lots of misunderstandings which lead her to break up with me.
Since in our last conversation we where talking about getting married and the ring and days before we where seeing houses and both where very excited, I went 2 days later with the ring to propose but it was to late and she didn't even wanted to see me because she knew she won't be able to resist and get back with me or because she would be destroyed seeing me destroyed.
She loves me and that is the only reason I'm still holding on. I also asked the day she decided to break with me if she still loved me and she said "Of course I do" while she was crying and begging me to go. For once she wanted a hug but then she refused and kept begging to go.
It's been now a month and nothing from her.
I did tried calling her once after the first week of the break up, and then 2 and a half week later I sent her a text message saying "To be careful driving with the rain, hope she was doing well and to be safe."
It's been almost one week after that last text and nothing at all.
I understand we both wanted to move independently together but even her with a PHD is having a hard time getting a job and I with a B.A. Industrial Design still can't find a decent job. Our main problem is trying to find an income so we can live together. I'm about to print a few copies of a personal board game project I've been working since 2009 she is part of this.
She also didn't had to break up like she did, why did she do that if she loves me? isn't that contradictory and torturing herself over something we both can really work out? Like I said, things got out of control and she is always scared I would leave her so she did it before I did even if that wasn't my intention, I was only pointing out her faults...
I really love her and the only reason I keep trying is because I know she want to be with me.
We shared almost a whole life together, she is now 30 and I'm 28 and both of us are still virgin and is also our first relationship. She had to go through a lot to trust me because she had a lot of personal issues because of the way she was raised and her father being an alcoholic. She is not the type of woman who goes or rebounds and she only had her eyes on me and so did I. We were both always 100% honest to each other and our relationship was almost flawless.
I really wanted to get married with her but this happened... and I don't want any other woman, just her.
Don't tell me to move on, I'm at least trying to focus on myself I started going to the gym (wich only makes me think about her)...and finishing my project and hope to God this will relief the situation.
I want so bad to try to talk to her but how?
I'm sure she won't pick up the phone if I call or won't even bother texting back.
She also blocked me out of her facebook and skype and she also blocked my family except for a cousin (woman) who she really liked (at least there is a window). I also believe she ended up blocking my friends too but that was because a friend of mine in whom I thought I could trust, tried talking to her when he knew how destroyed I was and talking to her would be a bad idea because she could think we are trying to get information out of her, and that same day without knowing this... that night was the only call I did. After that she blocked him and the rest of my friends, good for her though. I wouldn't be surprised if that "friend" was trying to get laid with her, but trusting her I shouldn't worry one bit.
She haven't returned my things yet either.
If she loves me so much, why would she be acting like this!?
I know she is scared to go in the same old cycle of not progressing but she shouldn't gave up or think so negative about it.
She is very very stubborn and have a lot of pride so I doubt she will twist her arm and reach me back no matter how strong her love for me is. I don't have any backup support from any of her friends that I'm aware of, neither from her family...