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24 year old virgin, HELP? :(

Well Here it is. I'm a 24 year old male. Never kissed, never had a GF, had one date (I came, I crashed, and I burned...kind of). Never had sex at that (Im rather stubborn when it comes to sex, not untill marriage, though my friends keep telling me that I need to get laid). Those that did manage to ask out did end up becoming good friends, well one at least. I really messed up the other friendship. One already had a bf but she is more akin to an older sister than a friend, not sure how it turned out that way, but I cant complain Smile The other one....well...at one point in time I was stressed and overworked (long day, you know how it is), well I was writing fake letters to vent some steam and somewhere in there I told her I loved her. In hindsight I might have, I did have a big crush on her. Anyways, since then she has cut off nearly all communication with me, we only just recently became friends on facebook again but we never talk. I kick myself in the butt to this day for sending that letter.
Now I cant even get women to say hi, I've been on just about every major dating site, only to go months with no reply, or winks (had to quit because they were getting expensive). I cant really go out cause I work overnights, which doesn't leave much for a social life. Before you even ask, my workplace is NOT good for looking for women, those that come in are cute, yes, but they are too young and others come in packs with other men. The ones I work with....TOO OLD! I know I'm bad at reading signs but I am learning, but now I cant even get a simple hello. I am shy but very friendly. Everyone I know either has a BF, just wont talk to me (like that one "friend"), or has had sex at some point in time. There are a couple things I don't want to hear: "Man, you need to get laid", "I know you will find someone", and the classic rejection line: "you're a sweetheart, but.....". Everyone keeps saying them and they haven't worked yet so I call BS. Im tired of looking, tired of rejection. I have turned into the classic single and bitter. I see many attractive women and I look at there boyfriends and I think "how can he be better than me?". So I work harder the next time and better myself, only to be overlooked for someone else. Then I'm back at it again, pushing myself harder, fueled by frustrating and anger only to perpetuate the cycle. I consider myself a decent looking guy, I'm not a bodybuilder or supermodel or anything, but I got a dancer's body, pretty toned got some muscle (I'm a hard-gainer).
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replied January 19th, 2011
Whats up dancerdude, I feel ya man, you sound like you really believe in the no sex before marriage and understand that I believe in that, to a point, but your looking for what kind of advice, so what if there is a nice female with a group of guys atleast say hi, I have had a friend get married using eharmony but I dont believe in those dating sites, dancerdude being your name I can only assume you dance so why not go clubbing one day you never know man, don't hold yourself back from your goals, don't be fueled by rage and anger man you gotta let that go or it will eat you alive and I know letting it go is hard and sometimes you just can't but, if you believe in a higher power then look there i often do. Sorry I can't give great advice about this because this happens to be the same area im struggling in aswell all the females in my area seem to either be taken, or the type where if you don't abuse them they think you don't love'em... now if that aint messed up I don't know what is lol good luck man try to be patient and trust I know that is hard.
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replied January 27th, 2011
Don't know if this will help you but I'm 23 female and in the same boat. Can talk to guys and have friends that are guys. My problem is that I don't see an attractive guy and decide to go after him, I like to know the person first as in personality which is hard to do when out in the pub. I also work nights which means socialising is more of an effort but joining interest groups like a cycle club or a gym can be good. It means you don't have to commit to a weekly meeting and can turn up when you have time ... you just have to make the time to go.
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replied April 5th, 2011
No more!
As of now, I am done. Fed up. I cut out my heart and offered it too many times. Im just tired of it all. I got nothing left. The last girl I talked to burned me, she tried to scam me. I dont take kindly to that, and therefore permanently closed all accounts in every dating site. I am the 1 living stat that ruins every site's record. I'm tired of trying to figure out you women. What is it that you want? What don't you see in me but in the guy next to me? Strength? That can be worked on. He has a beard? Guess what? I got one too. Does he have a heart as big as mine? A woman once told me that Im a 24 year old wussy still clinging to ideals long dead. I'm tired of fighting. If I am to be single, so be it. Even my few close friends say that "I'll never be attractive to the supermodels that I'm attracted to." At least I went to freackn' college. At least I have a life. So what if Im not in my career right now I got a good job. And I dont give a rats tail about not having sex yet (they always tease me about that, since they have had sex). Since when did sex become a significant factor in a relationship? Know this world: I WILL NEVER GIVE MYSELF AWAY SAVE FOR THE GIRL I WILL SPEND MY LIFE WITH! That will never change, even if no one will respect that (not like I asked for their opinion on it anyways). If I'm to be single forever, then that's just too damn bad, I dont need sex.
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replied April 5th, 2011
Oh and just to clarify, I never wanted a supermodel, just someone who is athletic in some way. Some one who could challenge/teach me to do better (and me to her!) in dance, martial arts and other things. the problem is, Im used to the toned, ballet dancers after dancing with them for about 12 years.
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replied April 6th, 2011
Seems like you are beating yourself up over your own ideals. I'm no expert but I know what it feels like to think your on own in this world, to feel like you can stand in a crowded room screaming and no would hear you. Answer yourself a few questions: Are you ready for a relationship? Are you looking for a girlfriend because your mates all have one? What do you want to gain from having a relationship? Are you looking for a long term partner or just trying a few people out? It's fine to go out with someone once and decide that actually they are not for you. Yes they might make that choice for you but you have to be true to yourself and know that it won't work then, it might do later on. It's ok to be specific in what you want from a girlfriend, just don't tell them Smile. Love isn't easy and sometimes if you just stop looking someone will turn around notice you.

Don't give up just because your mates are teasing you. You may find that their relationships based on sex and fondling won't last. I truely believe that there is a someone for everyone.
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replied May 5th, 2011
Yeah! Its like its you vs society. And to answer your question...well....Ive been bullied almost constantly in my childhood, I hated who I was and I tried so hard to be something I'm not. Life has hardened me quite a lot over the years, but Im still that shy person. I never do anything without a good reason it just wouldnt feel right to do so otherwise). A relationship would finally give me a reason to be myself without the b/s. I'm still learning to just be myself (hard to undo all those years of passive-aggressive living, still kinda am). The catch is I know that I HAVE to be myself to get a girl (have to be myself in order to get a reason to be myself, that doesnt make sense even to me!). There's just so many defenses I need to disarm.
I just wished women would understand the real me, that I'm not that stereotypical "nice guy". Yes, i make decisions that would classify me as one and some of them do fit in, but the others are for my own reasons. Im chivalrous not because I feel I have to be, but I CHOOSE to be. I CHOOSE to be nice. This whole "bad guy" thing, I cant do it. People tell me to be a badass, to have a darker side, but that's just not me. I can dress differently, even change how I act, but I can NEVER change who I am. And so I set foot on my ever-going quest to fine the one girl who would truly understand me and accept me as a whole, someone who could see past friendship.
the problem is Im not that good with words, I've always had a bit of trouble expressing emotions as a kid, and when I was dancing, thats the only way I know how to express myself, but noone sees that (especially not anymore since I quit the studio). I hate being labeled as "kitty-whipped" (you know what I mean, I just wont type it here), and the "too good of a friend to be anything else".
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replied July 22nd, 2011
So I made progress, or so I thought. I was talking to a girl at work, she's pretty fun. I even got her number and everything....but untill now I thought it was serious. I found out that she was taken before I even asked her out. Something inside me died. I feel so angry now, so frustrated. I'm back to where I am again, single and constantly overlooked by women. WHY? WHY CAN I GET ONE FOR MYSELF?! WHY DOEN'T ANYONE HAVE THE ANSWERS?! WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? THIS IS NOT FAIR! I WORK HARD FOR WHAT OTHERS LIE AN CHEAT TO GET, YET IM DENIED MINE!
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replied January 15th, 2014
Re: 24 year old virgin, HELP? :(
Dancerdude,

I am the same as you, a virgin in the mid twenties. I am told I am attractive and I am very intelligent. My reason is really the belief that relationships are more successful with equal sexual experiences. I was delayed for other reasons in the past but am now looking for a virgin like me. It is hard to ask people bluntly and even then hard to find.

There was an online dating site called wewaited for virgins but I haven't seen it up in awhile. I made many friends, no relationships. Will connect with the owners to followup. I also created a meetup for virgin singles in the Los Angeles area. Would love to include virgins worldwide if that was possible. Talk to me. Let's build our community.
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