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would feel guilty and selfish or lose so much ...

I just found out last week, on my 18th birthday, that I'm pregnant. The dad wants me to get an abortion and told me I will ruin his life forever if I keep it. He doesnt even like me or care about me anymore so he probably wouldn't be there for the baby. I haven't told anyone in my family yet but im worried if I get an abortion without them knowing, then i will never know if they would support me if i keep it. I'm planning on moving away to school this summer, and im assuming if i decide to keep the baby then i will not be able to go to school for quite awhile. I would feel guilty and selfish for aborting it, but then i feel like i would lose so much if i decided to keep it.
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replied January 4th, 2012
Active User, very eHealthy
If you would feel guilty for aborting, then don't do it. You CAN have the child and go to school, whether or not you give it up for adoption. Many women have done so.
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replied January 5th, 2012
Extremely eHealthy
Although you can also have a think about how selfish it can be to go ahead with an unplanned pregnancy. How many women "want" a baby so desperately that they will disregard the effect on everyone else, including any eventual child born into unhappy circumstances. If anything is more selfish than "wanting a baby", I have yet to hear of it.
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replied January 7th, 2012
I'm so sorry to hear about your dilemma.

Firstly, disregard the dad's opinion. He has no right to tell you what to do. He is an immature arsehole. Abortion to him would be nothing more than squashing a mosquito. By "ruin his life" he's thinking of child support. But he doesn't have to be forever bound to this child (emotionally) but you almost certainly will.

I don't know your family but if they're at all reasonable, you really need their help. Tell trustworthy relatives and friends. You can't be on your own when about to make a huge decision like this, and it will eat away at you if you do get rid and never tell them..

You must do your research, whatever you want to do. Look up pregnancy advisory services and charities. Get support from unbiased organisations - not religious, or anyone who earns money from providing abortions.

How many weeks pregnant are you? Look up what the baby is like at that stage of development and the relevant abortion procedure, and judge whether you would feel comfortable with that. The foetus is not killed prior to being removed if it's younger than 21 weeks, and some abortion procedures sound a very unpleasant way to die. In fact, it would be informative to know all the stages of development of the foetus.

Also see what financial help you could get from the government, and free nursery places etc should you keep it.

It's true that it's possible to go through school with a child, but it would be very hard, you would need to live nearby and your family would need to look after the child for most of the day. Many families find it suits them for the young mother to have the role of an involved big sister, and for the baby to be taken care of by older relatives.

You will probably pine for the baby while you are away from it, and at the start of the school year you will have just recently gone through childbirth and would need to be recovering. Looking after a baby is very hard and they need constant attention, day and night, and this pretty much continues until they're old enough for school or nursery. You would lose your freedom for years and you are only young. Also, sadly, men are less interested in being in relationships with mums. They don't want the "baggage". It shouldn't be that way, but sadly men can be immature.


If I were you I'd end the pregnancy, but only enough if it was early enough for a medical abortion.
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replied January 12th, 2012
Active User, very eHealthy
If you think you'll regret it, don't do it. Listen to your inner voice above all. Too many women fail to do that and then they blame outside forces for a poor choice they made themselves.
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