Way too complicated a question to answer based on the limited info given.

That said, if I had to guess, I'd say it's your husband's inattention that has sapped your sexual interest. Most women aren't interested in being sexual with a man who they cannot adore and respect.

You may need long-term counseling to overcome this.

Married with 3 kids, we have sex about 3-4 times a week, but according to my husband I have a low sex drive and it is a real problem that I dont give him enough sex! Men dont realise that when you have kids and a home to look after, the last thing on your mind when you go to bed is dressing up in some fancy underwear and having sex for over an hour!! I would take the ice cream any day!!

I've had some unreasonably good Ice Cream sundaes. However they never seem to make my relationship better or improve communication with my partner. Additionally I can go for up to a month without Ice Cream without getting irritable. After a week without sex I'm no treat to be around.

If you were attracted to your husband sexually, the only tired that would prevent you from being with him would be passed-out-snoring-on-the-floor tired. If you were genuinely attracted to your husband taking care of him after an exhausting day at work would be fun. If you feel that there is respect and communication in the marriage and you're just not getting anything togather in bed I'd talk to your doctor about possibly changing your Thyroid meds

I agree about getting your thyroid medication changed, if you need to, but not just for the sex. You will feel better, have more energy, have fewer sore muscles (if you do), and just be happier, in general. I also found that when I was hypothyroid, I had very little interest in sex. Now that I'm a bit hyperthyroid (for cancer suppression--not recommended for any other reason), I'm back to my old sexy self.

As for your husband helping out, maybe just asking for a few specific things, at first, would be better than just saying "I need more help." Men need specific directions, sometimes. After he's had a chance to unwind a bit after work, ask him if he could take out the trash for you, ask him to help you chop things for dinner, ask if he could get the towels out of the dryer for you, or if he could pick up dinner on his way home from work. Ask if he could take the kids to the park, miniature golfing, or something for a few hours on Saturday so you can have some time to yourself. Ask nicely and thank him for his help. It may seem like it should just be something he does without asking and that since it's for his benefit too, you shouldn't have to thank him, but don't get hung up on that. Once he sees that helping gets him more sex time, he might be more eager for chores.

If he complains about having to do things after he gets home after a hard day, acknowledge that. He has had a long day at work, right? And say (understandingly) that you have had a long, tiring day, too.

Just a few thoughts. Good luck with everything. If nothing else works, you could always take chocolate syrup and whipped cream and make your husband into a delicious sundae.

I am sorry WOLF, but the comment " If you were genuinely attracted to your husband taking care of him after an exhausting day at work would be fun." is just not true. She has FIVE kids to take care of. Her day is just as exhausting as the husbands, and it would in no way be "fun" to have to worry about taking "care" of him too. Maybe she could make dinner so he could get off his feet and relax for a while, but in turn, he needs to allow her to get off her feet for a while and help out with the kids. They're his kids too, and he would have known it was going to be a lot of responsibility. Taking care of children is both of the parents job, even if one or both have a job as well.
I also don't agree with "If you were attracted to your husband sexually, the only tired that would prevent you from being with him would be passed-out-snoring-on-the-floor tired." If you feel like you're not getting any help with your kids and he practically becomes another kid to take care of when he gets home, you're not gonna feel like engaging in sexual activities with him later that night, and you probably WOULD be just about "passed-out-snoring-on-the-floor" by that point. It does not mean she is not attracted to her husband physically, just that she doesn't feel like being intimate with him when he hasn't made any effort to give her a hand that evening. I would, and DO, feel the same way with my fiancee if I've been doing housework and stuff to give him a happy, clean place to come home to all day(and we don't even have any kids yet) and I've been missing him all day, and then he comes home and doesn't want to do anything but sit and watch t.v or play his video game while I make dinner and continue with clean up and everything. I understand it, I do, and I know he's tired, but it doesn't usually make me feel like being intimate with him(sometimes maybe, because I AM physically attracted to him), but sometimes the women just wants a little help and affection too.

Hey CassWyss
Maybe fun was a strong word. I work a 40 and care for a child. When my parter comes home it is the highpoint of my day. I'm genuinely excited about the intimacy I've been longing for all day long. I've been seduced by lovers when I was so tired that I did pass out in the middle of the act. If you're attracted to someone the rest really is details. Making exhaustion or frustation obstacles to making love isn't fruitful and it conceals real problems in the relationship.

If you're resentful of your husband because of his attitude or inability to be supportive to you that's an issue that needs to be resolved and it absolutely impacts your ability to be attracted to them. However LuckySeven really just sounds to me like she's lost interrest in sex with her husband and finding a way to have more energy or get more support from her husband isn't going to make that go away.

LuckySeven: I am going to go back more than a few years...I was the same way that you were...He would have to fight me to bed...I would lay there spread telling him that he could never get my shook up...I was shot as I, too, had three kids...The house at that time was small and no privacy...I would lay there and count the thrusts until he was done...Oh, how I regret this fact of life now, but at that time in my life that is just plain how it was...I couldn't change the women inside of me who I was...sometimes I would wonder if I was frigid..But these times would be mixed with the good times...The horny times when I was hot...It was just about like I was on my own cycle of life...Horny one minute and the next doing a duty...It IMO, takes a woman a few years to figure out just what a sexual women is inside....I know I didn't figure this out for a few more years...I know now that I was selfish...I have said to my husband why weren't we like this years ago...His answer, I had to fight you to get you in bed....Truthfully, this went on until just about going into my early 40's...Thinking back as I type this now I used to count the days in between having sex...Kind of put him on my own schedule in my mind...Then things changed...Slowly but surely I came on like gang busters....Now here I am not knowing what hit me and having the time of my life...

Girl, fake it if you have to...I did...I could grunt and groan with the best of them...Sounds bad to all, but I could...Not now...Now it is my turn to fly....Yes, a sundae would have probably done the trick for me then too...

What changed things for you, Caroline? I would think that your advice would be to get to the root of why she doesn't have a desire for sex, rather than just fake it. If she fakes it, won't that just make her resent her husband? Wasn't it miserable "counting the thrusts," as you put it? That sounds awful. For both of you. And I'm not sure you were fooling your husband with your grunts and groans if he had to fight to get you into bed.

I think we also should make a distinction about whether she specifically has no interest in sex or no interest in sex with her husband. There is a difference. When I wasn't feeling sexual, it wasn't because of my boyfriend, I just had no desire. Other times, I may want sex, but I'm mad at him for something. It matters if it's a physical, emotional, or mental issue. All are valid, but they are all different.

Luckyseven: I think you want this to change, at least part of you does. Otherwise, you wouldn't be posting here. Am I right? I know you don't want to have sex, but do you *want to* want to have sex? Or are you content with the way things are? Would you really rather have a sundae, or do you want things back the way they used to be between you and your husband?

MyrahU: I would have a desire for sex, if I had the desire for sex...However, it doesn't always work that way...He always had the desire more than I did...Now I am talking about late 20's to middle 30's...These are the rough years for a woman with three kids and sometimes tired..Remember I never knew of what a vibrator was at that time to keep myself stimulated...I never resented my husband if I had to fake it..It didn't happen all the time as he would try to bring me on...But it did happen...I believe that some women do fake it sometimes...Not all the time, but they do...I have been told this many times...Yes,it was miserable counting the thrusts...You know 69, 70...and he never knew it...This was not always, but it happened...Recently, in the last five years, he asked me if I faked it...This is probably because now I am so uninhibited and just plain wild...I wish I could have been that woman back then, but I couldn't find her...She was inside of me and I knew it, but I couldn't pull her out...I did this in Orlando on the top floor of the Contempory Hotel near 5 years ago..I did the hottest, sexiest, filthiest thing that I always dreamed about...And I have never recovered from it... .In our early years, he never had to fight to get me to bed...I was willing and able, but did not orgasm all the time...Actually I was nothing like I have been in the last several years...I don't know why, but it gets better and better and sex is the most wonderful thing in the world...What is it about women?...Are we too busy with families to enjoy our body until late in life?..Or does that special part of us hide her head and want to come out so badly and can't lift the covers and emerge...she is there somewhere, but sometimes can't find herself...

Funny as it may sound, with the new person that I am, I am ready to go anytime of the day...Now the duty is mine...Keeping him alive....

Hi.. maybe you can help me out?

I have the SAME problem - NO interest. Ice cream sounds lovely. Unfortunately, I am only 20. I'm very happy with the relationship I'm in, but very stressed. I don't think it has to do with him - I have no complaints about the boyfriend. I think it's me though - I feel gross all the time, am always anxious, maybe depressed (but my family doesn't believe in it), timid.

Basically, my sad disposition does not prevent me from accomplishing things. I keep up with school, work, family, home, friends, but this is the one thing I cannot deal with. ?Any ideas? I feel awful for doing this to him (or not doing it to him), so sometimes I play along to make him happy and not say anything. I dont really get pleasure out of it and i always hope its just over.

:-/