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worrywart01 Extremely eHealthy
March 14th, 2009
well..i worry alot..about every little thing, my relationship w/my boyfriend is one of the most important things to me right now, besides school..anyway...heres the thing..our relationship has been FAR from perfect..to be quite honest I probably should have broken up with him long ago...but i'm in love with him, we've been together almost 3 years now...he hasn't been the most honest guy in the past but things have been great for a long time,however, i feel like the past is creeping back up on us...heres the deal...about a year 1/2 into our relationship I noticed some odd behavior..mostly about him being abnormally secretive w/his phone..like, he took it EVERY where with him..which was weird..basically i KNEW something was up, so anyway, he stayed over one night and i decided to see if my paranoia was just that or if i was right about his suspicious behavior...well..i found some VERY inappropriate text msgs to a girl in his phone, i questioned him about it later and...he had lied about who it was...how do i know this, bc I texted the girl myself and found out it was someone he worked with..things went VERY south from there...i was extremely depressed for a while bc I felt as if I weren't good enough for him(you have to understand, he's the first guy i've ever loved and I lost my virginity to him), I considered breaking up with him and me and the girl got into a not so pretty argument...it was VERY hard to trust him after this incident but we decided to try and work things out..and a few months later the girl was fired anyway....WELL...its been about a year I guess since then,maybe longer..and I JUST found out today that this girl got her job back..at the same place my boyfriend is still working...he doesnt know that I know..and i KNOW he isn't going to tell me bc he knows I'll flip out, he works like 40hr weeks so I'm SURE he's going to see her at some point...I dont know what to do about this..it just brings up a bunch of TERRIBLE feelings from the past that I thought I'd gotten over and i DO NOT want them talking AT ALL period but its not like he can just get a new job...i'm so paranoid! should I even bring it up to him? i dont even know how to tell him i know or if i should...its been SO hard trusting him again but I had moved on until I found out shes going to be working w/him again..he never cheated on me with her, but i will say that the text msgs were NOT appropriate since we were in a monogomous relationship...I've never hated anyone but I this girl brings out the absolute WORST in me...i dont want him even seeing her it brings back all the feelings i had when all this crap happened Sad and i'm so worked up about it
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jlai54
replied March 15th, 2009
You said you should have broken up from him a long time ago and based on what is going on here.Is it worth it to hang onto a guy that find very difficult to trust? There is a better guy out there for you, and shouldn't waste your time on a guy you can't trust. The fact that he won't tell you about the girl working where he is sounds suspicious enough. You can't stop him from seeing that girl at work since he will probably come across her sometime. However, if starts hiding things from you again, then you need to make a decision whether you should end it with him. If he loves you back as you are in love with him, he will respect you and be honest to you. It doesn't matter if he doesn't tell you about the girl, but if he does anything inappropriate with the girl and hides it, then you have to decide your next move. There are better guys out there if this relationship does not last in the future.
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worrywart01
replied March 15th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Thanks for replying..yes i probably should have broken up with him a while ago..we actually did break up a while back but got back together(he broke it off and realized how dumb he was to do so)bc of that incident yes I found it hard to trust him and it took a while to move on, but NOW currently in the relationship things are completely fine..we havent had trust problems and i do trust him..he hasn't given me any reason not to..the fact that things are so great right now and i now find out that shes working with him again just irritates me, things are good for now and i just want them to stay that way

as for him not telling me about the girl, i'm not sure that HE even knows thats shes been rehired yet..she JUST recently got her job back and i'm not sure they've even worked together yet but they will which bugs me...

I have decided 100% that if I DO find anything at all that suggests that he's being unfaithful or even that he's texting her or any other girl behind my back again that we are DONE..i made that crystal clear a year and a half ago bc i don't want to be put through that again...and if he had actually cheated on me we wouldn't be together now, i don't put up with cheating

I guess just finding that out brings back baaaad feelings and like i said it worries me..that and i found out that there were some rumors being spread at his work which I KNOW came from her...i'm certain he wouldn't be dumb enough to make the same mistake, i guess just her being around makes me uncomfortable..shes just one of those drama centered people that LIVES for the thrill of gossiping and f*ing up peoples lives...

but thanks alot for responding..it made me feel better just talking about it, and i've decided that if she does become a problem..again..then i'm not dealing with it and the relationship just wasn't meant to be...as hard as that would be
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worrywart01
replied March 19th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
well..he was honest with me...which is definitely a good thing, obviously I found out before him about the chick being rehired but he brought it up today and let me know..i told him i wasn't happy about it(but its not like theres anything he can do about it), but...like i said things have been good with us lately and I definitely feel like I can finally fully trust him again, while it makes me uncomfortable that they're working together..i'm just gonna try not to think about it bc like i said, he'd have to be REALLY dumb to even talk to her haha...but it does make me feel better that he was at least honest and told me Smile
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jlai54
replied March 19th, 2009
That is good to hear... Hope things turn out better for you and to remember there are others out there for you if it doesn't work. Im glad he told you about it and that you can feel you can trust him.
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