Well, at least you know how to admit what is going on. Though I am concerned that you are taking all the blame... normally it goes both ways. You may be very depressed, you need to see your doctor and tell him/her what is going on with you. As far as your boyfriend... You need to talk to him and explian what is going on without getting mad or angry or do whatever it is he doesn't like and the two of you have a conversation about what's going on. If he can accept you while you try to get help great and he just may be worth fighting for. If not, it may be time to get help for your little boy and move on. If your not happy something clearly is not right. Rather it be your fault of not.

I too have experinced the same thing with myself... My anger was directed to my boyfriend because I was jealous that he can go and do as he pleases while I'm raising our daughter by myself. We live togehter and everything but I was always mad at him and wanting to call it quits. I am now talking with a therapist weekly and it has help so much I can not tell you. Though the outcome of all of this for me, is that I will be leaving my boyfriend for good when I do leave. So hopefully you will have a better outcome, and I wish you the best of luck!

if you have some kind of suppressed feelings of what happened to you, you should try to see a therapist.
when i first read the beginning of your story i was thinking about hormonal imbalance, every women can be nasty around their menses.
but it's possible that you are angry inside for what happened to you.

okay so my post is going to be long ... but i met my bf when i was 13 and having been dating ever since im 20 now and i love him with all my heart but when i was 15 i cheated and had sex with someone else. and then i messed up again when i was 17. I was raped when i was little and i have mood swings and depression. When i was 17 all we did was fight fight fight. He started trying to control me and i had to drop all my friends,the way i dressed and everything else because he couldnt trust me. Anyways needless to say things didnt get better until i was 19. He proposed to me last year. Something i totally didnt expect. I dont really like to say that ive been with 3 guys i just say ive only been with one. I love him with all of my heart and it took some time but we worked everything out. We are now ttc and planing to get married on oct 11. But anyways go see someone. write your feelings down, tell him how you feel everyday. try to explain to him why you get mad and why you yell. Tell him when your feeling down. Dont keep him shut out from your feelings. Im a mentor and if you ever need anyone to talk to please just let me know.

Hey tryingtostaystrong
Molestation can definately be imballancing to you but generally sexual assault at younger ages tends to push you towards hyper-sexuality or emotional frailty rather than anger. If you regognize times when your anger is inappropriate or unwarrented you should start into Anger Management therappy right away, if you find that you'd like to get therapy or see a psychologist about what is making you angry the groups and counselors in your program will have excellent referrals.

Feel free to share with your Ex about what's going on with you. If you want him in our life he needs to know why you behaved like you did and what you're doing about it. Remember that you fixing what you have to isn't a method to get him back, it is the medicine for what is hurting you. He may have moved on after the last break up. You still need to find that ballance in you even if he doesn't come back, in order to find happiness in your life.

thanks everyone for the replies! They are all soo helpful! I have talked with my boyfriend and he said he was going to give me another chance, but that I seriously need to put a stop to the bad behavior..he is a great guy, and yes we do fight sometimes but I always take it to the next level and use name-calling, etc..but anyway, I actually have been listening to this audio book and it has helped me a lot..but I am looking into seeing a therapist because of what happened to me..i should have done that a long time ago. I have always had problems in relationships, even friendships. But so far my boyfriend and I have been doing a lot better. I just keep reminding myself that I need to treat him right and appreciate him. Thanks again for the advice everyone!!

Sorry this is so long.

I experienced a possible molestation when I was 4 yrs old, I am 43 now. I recall that we lived in a nice simple neighborhood. But one day finding myself at a house on my street, being brought through the house by someone and lead out to the garage to a man. He sat down and exposed himself to me. That is all that I can remember of that. I don't remember how I left the garage or house. I then remember walking and the concrete sidewalk under my feet heading back to my house. I don't recall or remember having any emotions only wonder and I guess I was glad to get home.

At such a young age, I don't think I had any idea what had just happen. But what I wonder is, did more happen and I blocked it out. How could my mother or father not know where I was? And, why was there no one to protect me? I have never talked about it with anyone in my family. I've suppressed the incident on and off over the years more off than on. I am haunted by that experience. I can't seem to ignore it lately and I feel like it made me different. I am never happy in my relationships. I was married for 19 yrs but I am divorced now. I feel the same in my current relationship as I did in the last one....(going down hill) I feel like I can't trust the other person, I am insecure about their love for me. I don't understand and how do I change? Did that early experience affect me? Lots of questions. For the most part though, I BLOCK IT OUT and I am debating whether or not to tell my boyfriend.
Wolf made this comment: pushes you toward hyper-sexuality or emotional frailty. Well, I feel like I've gone through both and still feel emotional. I don't get angry now thank goodness but I used to!! I had terrible anger issues which wore me out and wasn't fair to the love ones in my life. I no longer ALLOW anger to be a part of me or in my life, it does too much damage!!
I will say that I have had an epiphany: What happened to me was not my fault. I did not choose to have that happen. I am going to have to seek therapy and addressing this issue here helps me and I hope helps TRYTOSTAYSTRONG work through her issues. Wish I had the answers. sorry this was so long......