hey hun its nothing to worry about it just means you have a strong hymen...And unfortunately if you want it to work you are going to have to let him push it in harder...which may be painful for a while..Jenny

I've considered that, but it still worries me. He's gotten a finger in all the way before so I thought that would have taken care of the hymen.

not necessarily hun sometimes it takes a lot more than one attempt...when i first had sex it hurt for the first 3 times before it completely was pain free and enjoyable..Jenny

The pain is supposed to be tolerable though, right? This feels like he's pushing against something that won't budge... it just doesn't seem right.

in my experience the pain was tolerable but i was also very drunk..i do recall however him struggling to get his penis in even though he was experienced in this area i have a good pain threshold so i allowed him to keep going although at one point i do remeber feeling that i had had enough..my second time there was far less pain or discomfort and as we kept going it got better and better and everything was a lot easier..maybe try being on top that could allow for u to get his penis in further and being more in control mite help with the pain also..i dunno just a suggestion..i hope it all works for u

This may be more of a mental than physical issue. Make sure this is really someone you want to have sex with.

you're boyfriend seems very understanding and thats a great thing.
I had the same problems with my boyfriend when we first started having sex. it hurt a lot, and we both got really fustrated and often got into fights about it because we were both fustrated, but I just want to tell you that no matter what, you can get past it as long as both of you just step back and take a breath. there's no reason to rush it.

first, if you're using a condom, try some lube. it can do wonders for that burning sensation. sometimes the condom is just too dry for the skin down there and it can cause way too much friction.

what me and my boyfriend did is a lot of fingering. it loosened me up a LOT, not only physically, but got me more comfortable with having stuff 'up there'. start with one finger, then two, then three. it will help a lot a promise.

also, the spot that your talking about, that he can't get by, it could either be your pubic bone (I know that for me, if he doesn't go in just right, he hits my pubic bone, and won't go anywhere) or its simply your hymen. if it's your public bone, try directing his penis down. for example, if your on your back and he's on top, once he's in a little, direct it down towards your backside, around the pubic bone. it also might help if you put your own fingers up there, just to have a feel so you understand what it feels like and where his penis should be going.

if its your hymen that he's reaching, well then you'll just have to either have to rip it, push right through, which I don't know if I would suggest considering you sound like me and for me I can't imagine having to go through that pain, or be patience and gently stretch it out. first time sex isn't always done once. you might have to work at it a little more before it becomes easy for you.

the first few times, just tell him to take it easy, let him push against that spot a little and stay there for a while, it might hurt at first but if you just relax and let yourself feel it, it will dull. maybe kiss and enjoy each other while he's pushed against that spot, and let your body adjust to him inside you. if it's too much, tell him to ease up a little. sex is all about communication and if you communicate to him when it hurts and what you need, it should be fine. eventually this small bit of pressure with stretch out your hymen, so you'll get the job done with hopefully as little pain as possible.

I know at first I thought that it didn't seem right. the pain was almost intolerable at first. but as we worked at it it got much better. I promise, you can do this. so just take your time and don't rush it. and if you start getting fustrated again, just take a moment and breath and relax.

its not unusual to have some bleeding so don't worry. you might even spot for a day or so afterwards.

if you have any more questions I'd be happy to help. just pm me dear.

Wow, thank you so much!

Everything you said you went through is pretty much exactly what I'm experiencing. Reading that helped a lot and gave me a few new things to try and consider. So once again, thanks!

no problem dear. just remember its all about communication. the reason we were having such trouble is because we weren't talking about it. once I started talking about it we both decided that taking it slow and stretching me out would be easier. so thats what we did. just don't be nervous. even though some words might seem silly or embarrasing, just remember that you are both in a trusting enviroment. he's probably just as nervous and fustrated and confused as you are about this, so just talk about it so you both can work out some way of making it work. once you do, you'll be so glad you did because not only will you finally have good sex, but it will probably be so much better because you have gotten to a new level of trust with your man, and trust and love is what makes 'making love' and just 'having sex' different from each other.
I wish you both the best of luck.

Well we tried again... and same results, even with lube.

I tried telling him to hold at the spot that hurts, but he said he couldn't do it because I would clench and essentially force him out. I don't realize that I'm clenching, but when I physically force myself to relax he says there's a huge difference, tries to get inside again, and same results.

He keeps telling me that first-time sex for me is going to be painful, and I know it is, but it doesn't seem like it should be this bad. I can't help my reactions, and the problems we're having just keep leading to more frustration, more tears, and more fights.

Would love any more suggestions you could offer!

beleive me dear, you sound more like me then you know. I've been through the exact same conversation.
it does hurt. just let him know that. tell him its the same as when you recoil if someone hits you. you clench up and can't help it.

and on top of that, you don't even know how to use the muscles down there when you're so new to sex. they pretty much act on their own. so its going to be hard to control yourself for a while. and when you're already scared of it hurting, you're already going to be clenched up.

and i know that your boyfriend has the best in mind for you, but you are the only one that knows your body and knows what is right and wrong. He can't say anything about it hurting because he doesn't know what your going through. make sure you don't let him pressure you, although I doubt that is his intent at all. you shouldn't be in pain during sex. it should be beautiful and great.

for a women, its only the first few inches that are really sensitive anyway, so maybe you could try shallow penitration for a while. this will feel good for him, and it will actually start to feel good for you too. it will help you relax and will help you associate sex with pleasure and not pain. also, the in and out movement will help stetch you more. as you get more comfortable you'll probably start to realize him going deeper without pain.

other then that all I can say is take it slow and try not to get fustrated. I know that's hard to take, it was hard for me and my boyfriend not to get fustrated. but just remember that you're doing this for each other because you love each other. you can do it. don't get discouraged.

Once again, thanks a ton. We're spending the weekend together so I'm crossing my fingers for it to work. I'm just really glad there's someone else who was in my shoes, since most of the information I find online is entirely useless and causes more worries than comfort.

Well, it's about time. Thanks for all your advice, it really helped me through this.

For anyone else reading this who has the same problem... make sure you pay attention to what skinandbonesx said, and stop getting frustrated. It'll work out in the end.