Hi ladies, I just wanna say that this forum seems so helpful and I have seen a few topics similar to mine, but I would really like input from all the really helpful people here!
So I'm almost 18. And I'm really worried about my sexuality. It's probably irrational, I have had so many talks with my mom to the point where I'm asking her to reassure me pretty much everyday. But let me just say that in my real every day life, I've only ever liked guys. I'm so crazy about them, so attracted to them and all my life I've dreamed of marrying a guy. I have no doubts about that, and I've never in my life thought I've wanted to be with a girl, or have a relationship with them or marry them. It's never crossed my mind.
But ever since I hit puberty I have had a worry in the back of my mind that has come to the forefront in a big way. Flat out, I am aroused by images of womens bodies (breasts, etc) or lesbian scenes/fantasies. But thing is, I have never thought about a REAL girl that way, and my sexual fantasies of girls arent really any intense sexual activity. But either way they do arouse me. And since growing up I didnt have alot of education on sexual orientation, so I just assumed and feared that I was bisexual or a lesbian for it. I have looked at a girl and thought shes gorgeous and thought "Oh god, am I gay?". So I guess I've had this fear for a long time; and every time I heard talks about lesbians or gay stuff or anything I felt this fear act up in my head, because I thought "What if thats me????"
But girls dont turn me on in real life, and boys make me very very hot. I have always been so set on finding my soul mate (who I had always dreamed would be a guy). What fuels this fear is I'm scared I'll be a lesbian and wont be able to have my dream guy or my wedding, or that I'll get married and I'll have to fantasize about women because sex with my husband wont be good (I'm a virgin) or I'm scared that I'll fall in love with a girl. I really dont want to be with a girl.
This fear is getting so obsessional, I fear it so much and cry about it so much and try to search for answers, and I'm scared that because I was confused growing up that must mean something about my sexuality.
Hi happygirlxo and welcome to ehealth: This will be my third try for this post and I am bound and determined to complete it....So here goes...
When I was young and in high school my world was only black and white...Boys who liked boys were called a name and the same went for girls...However, there were only a few of these around so we didn't talk about it much....You are lucky...You are born into a world with no discrimination...Nobody says you are "queer" or whatever they say...You are accepted....Now I am not going to try and swing you either way on your thoughts...I just want to offer a few words....That being this:
What I say on this post pertains to your being of legal age and consent where you live...That being:
If you have the yearning to have a relationship with a woman then so be it...A woman's body is very beautiful...However, what you feel is normal...I think we all feel this way...If this does bother you that much and you feel the need, then don't spend the rest of your life wondering if you should have ventured into this part of life...I guess what I am trying to say is to follow your dreams...
If your yearnings center around a man, then give yourself time...Don't venture into sexual intercourse until the one comes along that you want to spread your legs for and beg for him to enter you....The one that excites you just thinking of how it felt when his hand went up your leg and into your panties for the first time...These are memories that you want and not some forced sex because you felt you should do it...This is the mistake that many young girls are making nowadays and IMO, theirs will be problems of the future....
As for me, I married the later...When you find this happening and he thrills you beyond belief it only gets better...And honey, believe me it does...You see I am a woman in love....I wish you well....and also hope I leave this one on.....
Hey Caroline and thanks for your reply
personally like I really dont crush on my friends or feel aroused by them or anything and I truely dont see myself being with a girl. I really want to meet my one and only guy and do everything you mentioned.