I got out of a long term serious
relationship getting pretty much ****ed
over. It was my first true love and really
messed me up got me depresed, but I was
able to deal with it, understanding that
crap happens and life will go on. well,
this past semester in school, I was taking
on a large load 21 credit hours, in my
junior year. I really did not realize it
but i was just getting more and more
stressed everyday and finally one day i
just snaped i guess. It started by just
having panic attacks, attacks that
completely disabled me for about an hour
if i had one, and they were comming
constantly. I did not know what was going
on, but with my school load i could not
take a break and just relax and go see a
dr so i just pushed threw them.
Well I finally couldent take it anymore
went to the doctor, at this time i was
assuming that i had a brain tumor or
something along those lines causing these.
He said i was just stressed and i needed
to relax blah blah. He put me on lexapro
10mg to take daily for a month and gave me
.5mg xanax to take if things get really
bad at any given time.
Well the lexapro as far as i could tell
really just made things worse so i stoped
taking it, and the xanax scares me cause
im scared i will get hooked on it and
throw my life away and become a drug
addict.
I worry about everything. I feel weird
saying this but i was watching south park,
a particular episode mocking chris hanson
and his series how to catch a predator. I
was laughing along untill the thought
poped into my head that, what if im one of
those creeps. Ive never had fantasies or
anything like that about kids but i was
worried that i was gonna be one. From
there every time i say a kid i would panic
like OH GOD. well after about 2 weeks of
that I pretty much said enough is enough i
know who i am and i am not that. So the
anxeity from that has stoped, now its like
i constantly worry about being
homosexual.
My whole life ive had crushes dated like
and been attracted to females. But
recently im worried that what if im one of
those guys who has a family then just
abandon's them down the road because im
actually gay and just did not realize it.
I can not get over this. Every guy i see
its like as soon as i see them im just
sitting there analyzing every feeling i
have seeing if im attracted to them. Ive
even watched and tried masturbating to gay
porn. I see nothing wrong with homosexuals
and their life style, but personaly i find
it gross. but its like i keep worrying
that im going to be gay. I still am
attracted to girls, but shitt self
confidence keeps me isolated and now i
have anxiety if what if i do meet a girl
and end up having sex and i cant get an
erection cause im gay, or i have sex but i
start imaging gay thoughts while im having
sex with her.
I cant take this anymore and im just
looking for some help/advice. I wish i
could just turn my brain off. Well sorry
for how long this is, but i dont really
have anyone to talk to and needed to get
things off my chest.
Again any help would be great, or just a
reply telling me that im not insane would
be nice, either way thanks for reading.
|
CarolDiane
Supporter
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 2396
Thanks: 111
Thanked:156
Posted: 05-31-08 06:37am
You could be suffering from aniety. Do you
have trouble sleeping at night. This is
also caused by runing thoughts due to the
illness. No, you are not insane by any
means. If you are gay or Bi, then you need
to let it out now. If not it will haunt
you for the rest of your life. You need to
be happy for whatever reason it is. Sounds
like your on the right track for anxiety
with the medications you are on. You might
need just a slight dosage change.
|
lateralj
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2008 Posts: 2
Posted: 05-31-08 09:42am
I know i need to let it come out, if the
same sex turned me on honestly i would not
have any problems being gay, but they just
dont. being gay or bi just is not for me.
I have been doing research and found that
there is sexual OCD and perhaps that is
what im experiencing.
I also wonder, and i know this seems
stupid, but maybe i just need to be
intimate close to a female again. I have
not been close to a woman for about 3
years. No touching, communicating,
anything. I think its because im so scared
of getting hurt again like i did in my
last relationship. Maybee its time I just
let the past be the past and get out there
and figure some stuff out.
Either way thanks for the reply, it feels
good to talk about this, as its been
troubling me for all to long now.
|
deepbreathe
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jun 2008 Posts: 11
Posted: 06-04-08 15:24pm
Hey bud.
These are telltale signs of obsessive OCD
thoughts. I have had the same ones trust
me.
I thought
"What if I'm a molestar" everytime I saw a
child
or
"Do I want to kill my girlfriend" if I was
in the kitchen with my GF and a knife was
there.
I also had the "Am I gay thought"
Right now I'm stuck on hypochondria.
However, I got over the other ones with
Behavioral therapy.
Here are some tips:
OCD is always wrong. It is your mind
pressing random buttons waiting to get you
to respond. Don't question OCD just say
nope thats wrong.
Also, if you were gay or a molestar you
wouldn't feel anxious about it. You being
anxious about those things pretty much
makes it clear that you are not gay or a
molestar.
You need to label these thoughts as OCD
and wrong. I suggest seeing a behavorial
therapist and if needed a Psychiatrist for
drugs.
BTW I have fear of being hooked on Xanax.
I get the smallest dossage and only take
it when needed. My doctors have told me
that I would need to take 4 times my daily
dosage in order to get addicted.
Anyways you will be ok. I suggest again
seeing someone for this don't be
embarrased.
You can't imagine how embarrassed i felt
to say to my doctor "I keep thinking the
thought "Kill" when i say my girlfriends
name in my head". He was like "oh you are
a piece of cake is that it" then he
explained the mind and anxiety.
And bam that horrible phase was gone. Like
I said I'm not health obsessed but hey I'm
working with him again and little by
little I'll get better.
|
GiRo
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Jun 2008 Posts: 52 Location: , Behind you
Thanks: 2
Thanked:4
Posted: 06-09-08 13:00pm
Well... maybe you should just get into a
threesome.
You know, a guy and a girl! Why be stuck
on one if you worry to much?
