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Work phobia and depression (Page 1)

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Hi all, i hope someone can relate and help me....this is really depressing me now and i feel alone

As a young teenager i would skip school most days until the school got in touch with my parents and i had to see a phyciatrist with my parents at first and then alone. And the doctor said i was "School phobic" and it was a genuine condition which resulted in me getting home tuition.

Now i believe its gone into my adult life, im 24 and still have no direction or idea what i want to do with my life. I have jumped from temporary job to temporary job.

Its like there is a war going on in my head! One side wants to have a full and prosperous life and career, but the other side keeps stopping it! I get a new job, love it for a couple of days and then begin to hate it, i think of reasons to skip work and when the employer says "im sorry were going to let you go" inside im soooo happy i dont have to go back. It feels like i dont control one side of my head! like i know i want to make something of myself but when ever i think of something new the other side makes excuses which overpower everything until eventually i do nothing.

I think of people as zombies or robots, how do people suddenly one day think "this is what i like doing" and then goto college,university and then spend the rest of there lifes doing that one particular job. It scares the hell outta me. I think, "i love animals, maybe i should become a zoo keeper or even better, open my own dog kennels" But then the other side of my brain kicks in and starts reminding me of what it would be like later in life knowing iv missed out on doing other things too.

My girlfriend wants to be a nurse, so she went to college and is currently in her final year of university and will be an official registered nurse in less than 7 months, iv been with her 6 years. In those 6 years iv had 8 different jobs, studied IT and then hated it, wanted to be a car mechanic then changed my mind, then wanted to work in the travel industry and changed my mind. And now im unemployed because i didnt turn into work AGAIN!. And i feel very depressed knowing my girlfriend has her life sorted out and in less than a year will have a real career to be proud of and im sat here asking for help on a health forum....

Regular people dont understand me, they instantly think im lazy! but im not lazy! i wake up early every morning and do things around the house and drive my girlfriend to university and pick her up. I just dont know what job i want to do and when i get a normal boring job i cant help but hate it and not want to go back in. I read once that work phobics are anxious about the idea of being at a workplace for a set time period? I dont know....

When i was a child it was fun knowing i could stay home from school, and even when i was 16-17 it was fun because those are still young ages. But now im 24 and still have no idea who i am, what i want or where i want to be and everyone else around me has there lifes sorted, im beginning to sink lower and lower into myself and this house.

Please... does anyone know whats wrong with me? why dont i like work? why dont i know what career i want? what is this war in my mind?
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First Helper ukozzy
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replied February 3rd, 2010
Experienced User
You have a condition I've been struggling since a very young age as well. At some point when you were young in school did anything happen that made you not want to be there? ie., being bullied or having a teacher look down on you for something?

What it seems like is that you're more comfortable being unhappy, because you have a fear of losing what makes you happy. You've gotten used to things not working out for you so you sabotage your own life.
Like you said, you'll have a couple happy days and then hate it. Could it be you use the excuse that you hate it because you assume you'll lose the job and you'd rather think "you were right"?

Self destructive behaviour is deeper than a fear of going to school or work. It's a vulnerable situation being exposed to new people and them potentially not accepting you. I don't think you're afraid of work, I think you're afraid of not being accepted.
You've been with the same girl for 6 years so you're comfortable with her. You said you like animals and thought about being a zoo keeper, a job that doesn't involve much human contact.
Try and go deep in yourself, maybe you don't have to, and find the situations that happened to you that made you unable to trust people.
I think you have pride and believe in yourself so you keep trying, but somewhere inside you resent people and therefore don't like being around them.

You're not lazy so it isn't the work itself. There's nothing wrong with you. You need to acknowledge and manage the issues that are truly bothering you on the inside. Not everyone has a plan, I know I don't. But I know that no matter where I go I can trust myself, and other people have no control over me.
You have a wonderful girlfriend who I am sure will help you through this. You want to fix yourself so I know you love yourself. You don't need to have one set career, but you need to figure out why you're hurting.
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replied February 4th, 2010
Thank you for your response.

Many things happened to me as a child. There was a certian teacher who admitted to having a personality clash with me which resulted in my parents having to go and speak with her.

I also became friends with a group of horrible people who were just bullies and did things i didnt want too do. But they also bullied me in some sense, nothing bad but if i didnt want to go somewere with them or do something they were doing i would be picked on.

I had 100% attendance at junior school but when i joined high school i hated it, I hate being around a lot of people.

In employment something sets in after maybe a few days or maybe a couple of weeks what makes me hate it. I cant put my finger on what it is but then all other emotions follow it. Until eventually the other side of my mind starts making me want to stay at home so i do.
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replied March 15th, 2010
Work phobia
Hi, I read your post with compassion. I've been through this myself, still going through it. It's an Anxiety issue. For me it started in school and wasn't properly addressed way back then. I'm about to start yet another new job and I'm feeling it all over again. I've been through cognitive therapy for it, and it does help a little. It taught me to counter the negative feelings about work/activities that were keeping me at home. Fear can masqerade as negative or angry feelings, and you know they're false because they are not rational. Part of you KNOWS the people at work are not so awful; part of you knows that your boss does not really hate you (although they may be perplexed by your behaviour). Try and deal with the anxiety, join an anxiety therapy group. It helps to know other people feel this way. Believe me, one day you will want to have the steady income from a job, be able to get a mortgage and support a family. You also need to build up a string of successes to counter the "failures" or other parts of your life will be adversley affected. Good luck and say a prayer for me too.
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replied March 16th, 2010
Hi scott1102,

You are the only one that can answer your own questions.
What might be helpful, is that you visit a professional that helps you to find your answers, maybe a good psychotherapist.

The best of lucks!
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replied April 11th, 2010
Lost
I''m happy that I found this forum, I felt alone. I have lost most of my jobs due to this "phobia" and only 47. I also knew I wasn''t lazy. I just felt it was me. Many people would tell me just focus in what people would tell me to do at work, it didn''t help, instead I felt anxiety and despair where I just wanted to run and hide. Unfortunately I can''t afford professional help however, I''m getting help through the Cal State University It''s helping some.
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replied June 6th, 2010
Im nearly 20 and have the same sort of feelings. Specially about not understanding how everyone else but me can manage and feeling alone. I cant even start a new job because the fear and panic become so intense. The anxiety and despair always lead to physically being sick throughout the morning and then extreme tiredness in the afternoon. I tried psychotherapy but all it did was make me feel placated until i got close to working again. All i can do these days is limited volunteer work. I know im alienating everyone around me because they either think im lazy or just giving into my neurois and i just cant explain how terrible this anxiety makes me feel, as they think i should just be stronger. I was determined to get a job this summer and up to a week ago was content and happy, but these feelings have come back after applying for several places, and im in quite a state really, even though i havnt had any replys. I just cant stop thinking about what this means for my future and if i can ever get back to a point of contentness and happyness. This is the longest iv had anxiety for and its starting to really worry me
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replied March 6th, 2011
I'm 17 and I think I might have this problem. People keep telling me that it's just teenaged laziness, but ever since I got my stupidly easy part-time job 7 months ago, I feel like my life's been a cycle of fear and self loathing. When I'm actually working it isn't so bad, it's when everything just feels like a count down to my next tiny shift that has been tearing me down. It's when I feel like there's no point in doing anything on a weekend where I have to work that is ruining my social life.

I feel like I'm just an annoyance to my employer and coworkers; they must hate me, I feel like I'm still a rookie after 7 months of employment, and I feel like if I could just quit, then all my problems would be solved. But I can't, not until I get a new job. (Rules of the House)
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replied April 6th, 2011
This is exactly what I am going through. I cant understand how everyone else manages and goes to work everyday without it consuming their life. I feel like as soon as I get a job, thats it....everything in my life that makes me happy disappears. When I've worked before, I've been miserable, crying as I drive there, crying in my car and counting down the minutes till its over. Then I get home and all I can do is worry and stress about the next time I have to go back and my 'free time' just feels like an empty vacuum of space because I cant enjoy anything knowing there is more pain and work looming ahead. I wasnt like this at school, I excelled at school work and 99% of the time was perfectly alright about getting up in the morning and going there....I never felt this way about school but I felt comfort in knowing that if anything was too hard I could just skip that day - no questions asked. I have so many fears about working....I feel like people at work are so cold and unfriendly especially to new workers, I worry about being told to do something that I dont feel comfortable or able to do, I worry about making mistakes and being told off, I feel trapped - like I might be tired or feel sick or overwhelmed but I cant leave until Im 'allowed' to....but most of all I hate that I lose all enjoyment in my life....and when Im not working Im such a happy person, everything about life gives me joy and that all gets sucked away the minute I get called for an interview.
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replied April 20th, 2011
I feel exactly the same, I self-sabbotage myself constantly with work. I have had so many jobs, started so many careers. I just feel like I am a waste of space cos I am never happy and always end up quitting everything I do. I finally found a career I thought I enjoyed, I began a university course and after 1 year it started, all the messing it up, not turning up using all the excuses I could think of to get out of going. I should be qualified now but I am not. I have a year left cos of all the time I have taken off. I am going back in a few months and it is my last chance. I am so scared I am going to mess it up again. I think people are watching me and judging me, that they think I am rubbish and can't do the job, I panick for days before placements and everyday I am crying on the journey there. I know it is ridiculous and I am learning and I am allowed to make mistakes but I am so hard on myself. I just don't know what to do anymore.
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replied May 26th, 2011
Hi, can anyone relate to this?
i see that the last post was back in april but im just wondering if anyone is still reading this?

im 19 and have done 2 different level 3 courses. the first was child care and whilst I was studying I was really enthusiastic about become a children's special needs teacher.

but as soon as I'd finished the course the thought of getting a full time job scared me. I've realised that it is the thought of a 9-5 job, 5 days a week that scares me. I jut cant explain how the thought of that routine makes me feel.

I began thinking I want to do something else first because I dont want to be working with children for the rest of my life.

During this time I had a sunday job and at first I loved it, but shortly began to hate it and would sometimes even cry before I had to go in. There was nothing wrong with the people there, it was just getting me down because I couldnt go out on saturday nights or go out for lunch with friends on sundays. These were just a few of the excuses coming up in my head for me to hate my job. I quit only a year later.

I went on to study travel and tourism and thought id love to work in hotels, or be a holiday rep, or even a children's rep abroad. and at one point even wanted to be a travel agent.

I now have another saturday job and have only been there a month and I'm hating it already.
My travel and tourism course is coming to an end and I know have to find a full time job by september as my mum isnt getting benefits for me anymore.

I dont know what to do? this situation isnt as bad as some of the others i have read on here but I can really relate to how you others feel.

The thought of having to choose a career is getting me down, I've done 2 courses and have no idea what work to get a full time job in. I have soo many idea's in my head of things i want to do my brain feels like its going to explode because i cant choose just 1.
nursery assistant
teaching assistant
travel agent
holiday rep
childrens rep
club promoter
bar maid
hotel receptionist
I feel like if i get a full time job, something else i want to do will then pop up and then i've missed the opportunity.

all my friends seem to have stable full time jobs and on their way to good careers,got cars and even flats.

the thought of having the same job, or the same routine for such a long period of time is really getting me down.

can anyone else relate to this??
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replied August 26th, 2011
@ Percy2011x

I can relate to this very much. I have serious issues with jobs and the entire concept of employment period. I work part-time because that is all I can handle, however, by doing so you are in constant limbo with too little money to live on but just enough so that you don't feel like dieing.....yet. I believe the only way to get through such a problem is in completely reprogramming your thought process. However, you can only do that if you are 100% certain that you wish to change and right now, can any of us honestly say that we wish to become like the other sheep? We may suffer with our discontent and phobia concerning work but it is that struggle that sets us apart from all of the other sheep who blindly work to live until there death is upon them. I suggest you take a look at the book 'Mans search for meaning by Viktor Frankl' and 'prisoner of our thoughts by Alex Pattakos'. Also take a look at logotherapy. I believe the others cannot really help but logotherapy might do.
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replied October 28th, 2011
Work Phobia and Suicide
Hi all,

I wish it were a relief to discover that so many of you suffer the same phobia about work that I do, but unfortunately it's only a partial help, because ultimately we still have to overcome it alone, within ourselves.

I have always had a tendency to want to be alone, as well as a low tolerance for uninspiring work (which is the great majority of work out there), and a lot of stress when I do have a job. I felt guilt for years thinking there was something wrong with me, that I was a lazy, bad person (even though I'd gladly spend long, productive hours cleaning my house and cooking and writing). When I have a job, I'm consistently told that I'm an excellent worker. I guess I become an overachiever to prevent anyone from finding fault with me. Unfortunately, constantly worrying about someone criticizing you takes a mental toll.

Anyway, I've struggled with this since my first job at 18, but managed to stiff upper lip it through 5 jobs. Then I finally quit a particularly soul-deadening job with the idea that I was going to take some time off to figure out what I really wanted to do with my life. This turned into 2 years of living off savings, because of the dread of returning to the risk of criticism and soul-deadening aspects of work.

I was just about to seriously kick myself into gear when...

...my best friend (who suffered from the same work phobia I do) committed suicide two days into his new job.

Besides the difficulty any normal person would have dealing with the aftermath of suicide, I feel like my work phobia has gotten even worse because I've seen it kill my friend! AND I've lost the only person who really understood work phobia. The sad irony is that he always seemed better able to deal with interviews and coworkers than I did.

It has been two years since he died and I am still unemployed because I am all kinds of messed up about work and how it feels unfair that people like us have to deal with this sometimes deadly fear in order to just live in society.

@The_Truth, it is so true that I'm on the fence because I'm not sure I want to be like the other sheep.

So I've decided to start writing, whether or not it makes any money, because my wonderfully supportive husband thinks it's better for my psyche to do something that makes me happy, and not to worry about money. Still, I battle with the guilt that comes from within myself, the deeply instilled messages about personal financial responsibility and guilt that are no doubt a product of our society. Sigh...figuring it out.
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User Profile
replied December 27th, 2011
Hi all,

It's very comforting to know I'm not the only one going through this. For months now I've been trying to understand why I feel the way I do about work. I'm a graduate registered nurse working part time at a local clinic. Since early this year I've had 3 different jobs, all within the nursing industry. And this being my third one, at times I wonder why I keep going back to it. Perhaps it's because as far as qualifications are concerned this is the only one I've got. This also makes me wonder if nursing is for me. I don't know, no matter what field of nursing I'm in I feel so dissatisfied and miserable at work and I just can't wait till it's time to go home.

I spend hours trying to self analyze why I can't seem to enjoy working. A lot of ppl wonder why I lasted 3 years and completed my degree just so I can throw it away when I finish. I'm 29 years old and seem to have no direction at the moment. All I know is I have to keep on pushing on and keep looking for a job that ultimately makes me happy. I don't want ppl to think that just because I hate nursing, it must mean that I'm a horrible uncaring person, as it couldn't be farther from the truth. Everyone has their own way of showing their caring side.

There's a lot of uncertainties with anxiety and depression but knowing there's ppl out there that goes through the same thing and understands somehow makes me feel better.
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replied February 12th, 2012
work phobia
Hi!

I'm also suffering from this kind of proble..
I just finished my 6 month culinary course
And now, I'm on my OJT/attachment in a restaurant.
whenever I prepare going to work, I feel like vomitting. Maybe because I am not happy with what I'm doing inside the kitchen. I'm and then almost everyday I cry. Its like I'm sick and tired and just dragging myself to work everyday. I know I should be
reaponsible enough because I'm already 31
Years old. What I want to do is just stay at home and do the household chores. But the problem is, how can I live? How could I earn money to live? I know like what all of u guys are sayin, I'm not lazy.in everything I do, I see to it that I can finish my job perfectly.

Can someone help me please?

Thanks!
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replied April 8th, 2012
depression at work
hi...i totally understand how you feel...the vomitting before going to work,crying and feeling unhappy about work...i feel the same way with my new job, and it may sound weird but i wanted this job so much...i prayed hard just to have this because i know it would help me financially because aside from the high salary, i could get a lot of really nice benefits...but when i finally got the job, i felt the old feeling i had when i worked for the first time ten years ago...vomitting, feeling sick, thinking of a million and 1 ways to be absent from work...i thought i had gotten over this feeling already because the job i had before this really made me happy (i was a preschool teacher for 6 years) but since i needed to make changes in my career to improve myself in a lot of aspects, made this career shift from the academe to the office (hotel business)...i was so excited about the changes...

then i realized that there are no more long breaks from work, no semestral and christmas breaks and summer vacations... i have to work on holidays...and from a small preschool, i moved to a really large company handling 6 hotels...i felt like the whole company and all its employees will eat me up...so i started feeling everything you just felt...by the way, im 32 years old...so dont feel sorry about yourself being like that at 31...my friends envy me because of the job i have...it has a high pay and i get a lot of benefits...but my friends don't know that i feel like dying when i go to work...i dont know what to do...but it made me feel better knowing that i am not alone in this...
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replied April 15th, 2012
Fear of Working and Disappointing Others
Hi, I realize i am also experiencing this problem in life. i am currently working as a freelancer. I believe i am not lazy or give poor performance at work because certain jobs that i have completed, have earn me praises.
But no matter what or how, i always have this anxiety when a new job offer or project comes along. I have NO Confidence to accept them and often spent the hold day contemplating if i should accept the job or not having the fear that people might be disappointed at my work performance.
Lately, it has been getting worst. Now, i even have anxiety wanting to pick up unknown numbers because i fear it could be a job opportunity that i am interested but fear to work on. I am already a freelancer with an unstable income and this thing i am having is really making things harder for me. i hope i can get some encouraging advice on how to deal with this.
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replied May 29th, 2012
Hey guys. I have this problem too. I'm 21, my mom seems to have short term memory loss and forgets that she agreed to be understanding of my anxiety, so she's started pressuring me to get a job. I'm starting to get stuck in my head, I'm having a hard time getting my spirits up, my thoughts are spiraling into scary negative depths, and I'm desperately trying to keep my head above the water.
I want you guys to know that we can get through this. That what we're afraid of is nothing to get so worried about. Those people can't hurt us with their thoughts. They can't change anything about us. They don't define our self-worth. We do. God does. We're strong people. We deserve to have a job too.
Now, I hope to have a job soon. And when I do I'll come back and tell you guys about it. If I don't, well I'll keep trying to keep my head up.
But no matter what, I know I'm still me and I'm still amazing. Its hard when everyone is telling me different, but I know my God knows I'm fantastic. Because he's amazing; he couldn't have made me any less than than.
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replied May 31st, 2012
WORK SADNESS
WOW. SO many people with the same issue. I cannot believe it. I have been suffering with this problem for several decades. I have never told anyone about it. I am a very hard worker, but hate being locked into a routine or long hours. I always am busy, and am not lazy, but I like to have work be just a small segment of my life.

I have analyzed why I cry when have to go to work, why I cry if I have to stay late, why I am so sad about any unexpected change in scheduling. Everyone else seems so strong and so on top of their game. No one knows I feel this way. Anyway, I have tried to see what is behind it.

First, I don't care that much about money, so that is a problem right there! Also, I miss people when I am at work, which I attribute to early deaths in my family. I know it is totally stupid, but I picture my children or my friends and feel like I am not going to make it home to them. Rounding out my reasons are probably a touch of ADD and anxiety. Plus, a wee bit of social anxiety, and a personality that is naturally introverted.

I hide all this. No one knows. However, my resume is VERY Choppy. I am starting to get asked to explain why I have had so many jobs??? I wish I knew!

Best wishes to all of you.
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replied June 1st, 2012
Me too. Im very delicate regarding work. I have a theory that Im unnaturally forcing myself to think about certain things only and behave in a totally conformist manner for a huge portion of the day. No time for day dreaming, hiding from bright light, lounging, being creative, pondering, reading or watching things that absorb me, doing anything whatsoever that brings some joy or respite from my troubled mind... for a minimum of 8 hrs per day.Thats alot of time.

Now many people can do this no problem but Im very sensitive to my enviroment. Im sensitive full stop. I am prone to bouts of long depression and working when in depressed state is extremely distressing.

I hide it mainly, all day, then the tears fall on my way home. I will be leaving my current job due to being unable to cope with the people I deal with- colleagues and customers alike. My boss has no clue Im desperate to leave though she is aware I have problems, which she adds to.

I realise I too am going to be asked by future employers what is going on as I seem to stay a maximum of a year in a job.
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replied November 8th, 2012
So glad to read all of your stories.
I'm so happy to find others that share the same anxiety I have. My last job (over a year ago and only lasted a week) was horrible due to a less than pleasant manager and my ergophobia. I spent the wee hours of the night and morning having panic attacks that were unprovoked by anything other than the distress I was feeling over work. I eventually quit after a co-worker walked in on me bawling my eyes out. Embarrassing, for sure! But, I also felt relief that it finally got to such a crazy point where I felt I HAD to quit for my health and sanity.
My husband doesn't understand, but realizes this is no way for me to live. He works for his family in a job he grew up in and doesn't understand how having a job outside the comfort of your close family can feel. I feel so guilty though, for not being able to help him provide for us. Here I sit, another night after an interview that seemed to go well, praying that they don't call me. It's a miserable state of life with this ergophobia! Every once in awhile I'll get a bur up my butt about finding a job and apply everywhere. Then a few hours later I automatically feel remorse and regret my actions. If I do get an interview (which is rare), I try my best. Another action I regret immediately. I'm college educated and should be working to build a career, but I just love to be home taking care of what needs to be done around the house and running errands. I honestly just can't wait until it's time for my husband and I to have a baby, so I can take care of my child full-time and not feel so much anxiety and guilt.

Thanks for listening to my rant and crazy emotions! Smile
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replied June 17th, 2013
Hi
im 29 year old from israel.
Im mentioning that since, on a certain level, we do live in a different worlds.
Its been a great relief to read all of these storys, i had so many thing i could relate to, no matter if the writer was a teenager or in their 40's.
As i said im 29, and for the past year ive been sitting at home (my parants) not doing anything other than play guitar and be at my computer and tv.
Ive allways had problems in going to work
I think that firstly it began as a freedom issue.
Just the concept of beeing in a place i dont want to be at, beeing orderd to do this and that, was insane to me.
It started in the army.
With school i had no problems, i liked to go to school, see my friends and and even from the studing itself.
i was popular kid and had lots of friends throughout this 12 years journey.
Offcourse that sometimes i loved to stay home and watch tv like every normal kid, but all in all , school was great.
In the army it was a differnt story.
I was suffering from a huge dippresion on sundays, when i had to go back to my base.
On 3 differnt occaisons i just couldnt put myself on the train and went back home crying and terryfing from going to milatery prison .
I felt so uterrly misrable and tiny against this huge system i didnt know what to do till finally i was realesed from service.(20)
After the army i went to canada and started working in sales
I was doing well and the next year i went to ireland to do the same
( both were a 4-5 months super intensive work periods).
When i went back home, i continued working in sales and manage to stay in 1 place for a bit more than 1 year (the biggest israeli daily neaspaper).
After quitting from that, i started jumping from 1 job to another ( all in sales) felling more and more misrable from each place i went.
I figuerd i had enough from sales, and i knew ive been hating it so much for a while now, so i thought i must find something else.
So i started thinking about school and working in deleveries.
I worked in a restaurant for 1 year, and after my boss forced me to quitt, i again started to
Jump from 1 place to another in deleveries, hating each moment more, so once again i knew i cant go on like that.
Meanwhile, i went back to my parants house after living on my own for a year.
now im here, unemployd for a year now, hating myself and cant stand looking in the mirror.
I had big periods of time of unemployment but not like this.
The job searching is such a painfull task for me, i do everything i can to avoid it.
Couple of months ago i went to some interviews, and after them i felt such a massive panic attack i was so affraid im litterly 1 step away from loosing my mind completly.
I dont understand how My girlfriend for the past 2.5 years is still with me after this horrible year.
She wants to move forward with her life and im stucking her in the sameplace.
I cant afford to spoil her (or myself) with treats.
I feel like a parasite, poor and needy person.
Even though i dont have to pay rent and food, im not allowing myself to buy clothes/shoes and i feel sick and disgust when i open up my closet.
Same clothes from 6 or 7 years ago...depressing.
I know that if i wont pull myself together, all my self destruticve super oiled mechanisem will eventually explode in my face, and i will lose the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with.
Even though i feel i can go on and on i think this will be a good point to stop.
I realize that i had other stuff in my mind when i started writing this but this is what i came up with evantually.
I doubt anyone will read this, i just had to share it nonetheless.
If you did get to read this-thank you.
B
P.s
Sorry if my english was bad, and for all of my misspelling.
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