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Wimmenfolk troubles...

I'm 19 and I've never had a girlfriend. This is a very complicated thing to type out so before you delve into this pathetic yet enriching tail of inexperience and complete and utter confusion be ready for a nice read Rolling Eyes

I'm overwieght, its always been a confidence problem for me but over the past few years I've learned to deal with it. I've tried to fix it but I've not had much luck. Regardless I am not void of confidence. I've been told I have redeeming features, a great sense of humor, I'm fun to be with, and I'm hard not to like as a person.

I developed a crush on this girl during my math class my second semester of freshman year. I never really talked to her then but towards the end of the school year I did something I had never done before and actually tried to create at least a friendship out of nothing and low and behold it worked rather well. I moved away for the summer to work at an internship but we maintained communication through texts and emails. The more time went by the more we talked and really developed a friendship. I started to get what I perceived as signs that she was interested in me so after a while I told her how I felt. Well, she told me she had gotten out of a very long relationship 3 months before and wasn't ready to even think about something like that.

I thought it was over but she continued contact with me and we began talking even more. I somewhat gave and considered I was stuck in the friendship zone; I was fine with that. I still harbored a crush but I said I wouldn't pursue anything again. Well last week during out school's football game, I didn't hear her texts asking where I was sitting. There were three of the same (I thought most likely it was sent twice accidentally but the times were 10 and 15 minutes apart so it made me wonder) and then one saying she was disappointed I wasn't responding, and one that said I had made her sad. Never has she said anything like that, it was baffling to say the least

The second thing making me question my position is one night we were texting. She revealed that she had taken some sleeping pills a little while before and her friend was trying to take the phone away lest she say something she'd regret. I'd like to think her friend knows something that I don't but my 19 year long single life tells me its a load I'm feeding myself.

It is important to note that up to this point, we have never actually hung out together, our time tables hadn't worked out.

The third was two days ago where for the first time, I physically got to hang out with her. She came to my place to watch a tv show on DVD that we both like a lot. It was short, only 1 1/2 hours and the whole time she sat in the corner of the couch, me on the other. She laughed and we talked for 15-20 minutes...it was very smooth, no awkward moments and I didn't have to think of topics (I rarely do as of late with her which is a first for me Rolling Eyes ). I was calm, a little fidgety, but nonetheless I tried not to act nervous. Anyway, she is recovering form strep throat and has a cold now so I can understand her being quiet as I'm sure she felt like crap but I still got a weird vibe. I could think of 3 things that would make her acting that way, 1) she is uncomfortable 2) she felt bad or 3) she was nervous in a good way...? When we first saw each other, I felt like for a split second she was going to go in for a hug but she stopped herself...and I keep thinking I f***ed up in not acting like I wanted one but the memory isn't clear

I want to think I have something going for me, she has told me numerous times that she likes to talk to me, but my past experience with girls...or the lackthereof is telling me its a friendship and she is very nice to me.

What the F is going on? Does she like me more than a friend??
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replied September 24th, 2008
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So far she is your friend.

She considers you to be close.

Because you are close to her, the fact that you have not text-ed back during the football game has hurt her feelings. (How would you feel if your close friend ignored you for no apparent reason?)

The sleeping pill incident.... well that could be anything. : P

The actual hang out, well you could have imagined the weird vibe and maybe you misinterpreted her small action as wanting to hug.

I'm not being negative or anything, I am just giving you an unbiased look upon your situations.

Now, I must say you have a chance with her.

Go out more or in your terms: Hang out physically together some place outside. Go watch a movie, eat lunch.

If she is willing to sit in your house alone with you, then she is willing to go out with you but make sure she understands it is not a date but more of a "hang out"

If she thinks it is a date, then she will feel as if things are happening to fast and you'll have no chance at all.

So nice and easy does it.

Also build up kino or touch her more.

You know brush her arm, grab her shoulder, just so that she can get use to your touch.

Lastly, go to the gym. It doesn't hurt to lose couple pounds. :]

Good Luck and Have fun!

Peter
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replied September 24th, 2008
fair enough.

Thats better than I perceived it.

I can see the hug thing ruining it, I tried to be as lax as possible...but they only may have contributed. How she perceived that though is whats confusing me. Was it weird because she felt awkward or was it because I kinda hurt her feelings...maybe something else.

Thing about the cell phone texts is that she's missed a text for entire afternoons or days and vice versa so I can't see why that particular moment was so irritating for her. It was out of place but no in a bad way.
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replied September 24th, 2008
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About the cell phone, well girls are weird.

What can I say?

But still that makes them more interesting and fun when they behave erratically (in our eyes).

Also if you feel she is a bit awkward around you then hang out at a more open place not at your house. Also having her friends and your friends together with you guys lightens the mood a bit and generally relaxes everyone.

-Peter
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replied September 26th, 2008
Ok, she agreed to see another movie with me, its one that she has recommended to me and I finally rented it.

What should I do this time around?

Go in for a hug? Sit a little closer this time? Push for her place this time? Not do it at all?
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replied September 26th, 2008
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How about this??

Turn your private movie viewing for two into a social gathering for you, the gal, your friends and her friends.

This would make the atmosphere a lot more relaxed and she won't feel pressure to say something if she was to be at your place alone with you.

Converse a bit, watch movie, converse some more... you get the idea.

Anyway, during this whole event feel free to test the limits of this friendship of yours. Hug her hello, lead her away from the group of friends (Hey, Kate let's go get the drinks!) and talk a bit. Touch her shoulder and see how she reacts, brush her arm and see how she reacts, etc...

Basically experiment and see if this really is a friendship for her or possibly more.

Good Luck,

Peter
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