I am as persistent and thick headed as they come, and can honestly say it is time to accept it just will not happen and i need to deal with it. However i am having trouble, so id like to ask for some advice here.
We have talked about it for many years. When i say we talked about it, i really mean i brought it up and tried to sell it to her, but she didn't go for it. She is always open to talking about anything, including this. She is never overly against or apposed to the idea, just very confused about why i would want it, and how to handle the risks involved.
With her for 15yrs, married for a few now, and have 2 wonderful children. My wife is the woman of my dreams and is my entire world! There is no question about my love. Maybe 10yrs ago i brought this up as being one of my main fantasies. We were young and frisky ... one time on a vacation i talked her into bringing a guy back! You can almost hear her nerves going crazy through her skin! But she did it ... and then backed out at the very last second (as "last second" as you can possibly imagine .. yes, THAT last second!!). After this it was very clear it would never happen, so i let it die for many years.
Recently somehow we got back into the verbal version of this fantasy in the bedroom, which eventually led to toys being involved, and ill let you use your imagination from there ... bottom line, it was HOT! She was doing and saying all of the things i wanted her to! Which in turn sparked that damn fantasy up, but HARD this time. I thought after all these years maybe she is having second thoughts and may like to experiment? give it a shot? who knows??
So after some time i brought it up. Same types of refusals basically.
- Why would you want to share me?
- We are married, doesnt that mean anything?
- What if i get pregnant or STD
All very real, and valid points. I explain time after time that if this is something she is willing to try, we can at least discuss the risks and rewards over dinner or something and see how far she is comfortable taking it. I also always add that I understand she may not be ready for this, and if that is the case she has to let me know so i can drop it. However i also added that if we were going to drop it, we really need to cool it in the bedroom with the dirty talk about it also, because it is driving me crazy! Its like someone just quit using Crack, but then volunteers for a job cleaning up the Crack Den lol. Its torture!
So i didn't really get an answer, which is her style .. not directly answering anything. But by the way she is hesitating, and the points she is making, it is obvious i need to just leave it alone and accept it will never happen. I love her too much and wouldn't ever push her into something she doesn't want to do, and i caught myself doing just that. So enough.
Now comes the hard part! How do i possibly let this go? It has been such a huge fantasy of mine. It has become the center of most of the dirty talk in the bedroom, which is fueling our amazing sex life. It has become like an addiction or obsession for me!!
Should i try to get help? I cant really talk to her about this because it could be perceived as me bringing it up again, and i really don't want to. But on the other hand by avoiding it completely, i feel like i am blocking her out, or shutting her out, or maybe have some deep down resentment toward her for not wanting to try it, or at least give me closure one way or the other on the issue.
Sorry for the long winded rant ... just really needing advice on how to cope.
Men's Chat, but I will step in...Suck it up...Let it go...You are playing with a fire that should not be kindled...How would you like it if your wife kept pestering you about having a woman for a threesome?...By doing this she is showing signs of wanting sexual contact with a woman...Now you are going the opposite way...You want another man...
Pandora's box is closed for a reason...For some people it should not be opened...It could destroy the closeness that the two of you have....And probably would...MMF or FFM threesomes are only good if both people want them...Personally, I would kick the crap out of any woman that went near my husband and needless to say, he feels the same about me...Take care...
P.S....As far as trying to get help my advice would be, if it gets too big for you to handle then reach out and touch someone...Ask them to help you....Just like you are doing here....Good luck....
I understand that this is a fantasy of yours, but I think you're mostly wrapped in your desires and thinking less of the consequences that can occur on YOUR emotional end. From what you described, you seem to more concerned for her thoughts and her consequences, but not thinking so much of your own.
True, you may love her and you may feel that nothing can tear you away from her, but emotions are rarely a good indicator of reality. I think it would help acknowledging that despite however strongly you may feel for her, it may not be enough to make up for the multiple potential consequences that can occur.
Many people have asked in these forums pertaining to threesomes with their wife/husband, (many of which I've read during my 4 years being around here), and I will tell you upfront that most of not all of them did not turn out beneficial. The only cases that worked out, are the ones I won't count towards this because BOTH the husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, had that particular mindset of desiring threesomes. All cases in which one of them had concerns (in this case your wife)... something bad happened. Breaking up/divorcing often occurred for obvious reasons. I remember one case that I found intriguing where the woman who only did it to fulfill her husband's fantasy, expressed that she's never had sex quite the way that the other man had given her, and she's lost satisfaction in her sexual life with her husband and fantasize about the other man (she didn't tell him about it). Imagine that, the irony of it all, being with a woman you love, and for one's selfish desires, the result is that she is settling for second best and having to lie to you about it, doesn't sound like a successful marriage to me.
All in all, I think what it'll come down to is if you think your marriage, your apparent happy world with her and your children is worth taking a risk for a sexual fantasy.
While I have no experience with love to the degree of marriage or close, something doesn't add up in the sense that I personally wouldn't call something love when you're willing to risk that rare and sacred feeling/relationship for something as superficial as a sexual fantasy.
Hypothetically speaking, I'm imagining the possible outcome of 10-15 years later, when your children are of age and experiencing the love that you once felt, they'd be explaining how they've had a rough life and lost what it meant to have a working relationship because their father ruined it because he wanted to have a threesome. Psychologically speaking, that's just asking for a lot of intimacy issues, etc down the line. The world suffers enough because of the mistakes of our parents/predecessors before us, I think more of us need to take responsibility to what we leave behind to the new generations to come.
Honestly you sound like a douche bag to me. I mean she must be a strong woman to stay with a nympho that will take whatever measure to satisfy his own needs and not think of how damage the end results could be. It defiantly not worth throwing 15yrs away just because you want it so bad. The question is what if she did give in and go with it? Physiologically what will this do to her or you? More importantly your kids…you might as be a swinger since the whole marriage vows doesn’t mean anything after that…enjoy the life you both have now, not a lot married couples can stay I’ve been happily married for xx years now a day.
A fantasy is not worth destorying your marriage or your childrens life and future this is something dark that has creep in your mind you have the power to lay it down and you control your mind and thoughts. Take that power and turn it around to save yourself and your family. People may encourage this behavior but it destorys you will lose everything if you do not get a hold of this thought and cast it out......
You said she asked you why you wanted to do it and I think you should tell exactly why you want to do it. You don't mention if you want contact with the other male but you should tell her what and how you want to do it and why it is so important to you.