I am as persistent and thick headed as they come, and can honestly say it is time to accept it just will not happen and i need to deal with it. However i am having trouble, so id like to ask for some advice here.
We have talked about it for many years. When i say we talked about it, i really mean i brought it up and tried to sell it to her, but she didn't go for it. She is always open to talking about anything, including this. She is never overly against or apposed to the idea, just very confused about why i would want it, and how to handle the risks involved.
With her for 15yrs, married for a few now, and have 2 wonderful children. My wife is the woman of my dreams and is my entire world! There is no question about my love. Maybe 10yrs ago i brought this up as being one of my main fantasies. We were young and frisky ... one time on a vacation i talked her into bringing a guy back! You can almost hear her nerves going crazy through her skin! But she did it ... and then backed out at the very last second (as "last second" as you can possibly imagine .. yes, THAT last second!!). After this it was very clear it would never happen, so i let it die for many years.
Recently somehow we got back into the verbal version of this fantasy in the bedroom, which eventually led to toys being involved, and ill let you use your imagination from there ... bottom line, it was HOT! She was doing and saying all of the things i wanted her to! Which in turn sparked that damn fantasy up, but HARD this time. I thought after all these years maybe she is having second thoughts and may like to experiment? give it a shot? who knows??
So after some time i brought it up. Same types of refusals basically.
- Why would you want to share me?
- We are married, doesnt that mean anything?
- What if i get pregnant or STD
- etc
All very real, and valid points. I explain time after time that if this is something she is willing to try, we can at least discuss the risks and rewards over dinner or something and see how far she is comfortable taking it. I also always add that I understand she may not be ready for this, and if that is the case she has to let me know so i can drop it. However i also added that if we were going to drop it, we really need to cool it in the bedroom with the dirty talk about it also, because it is driving me crazy! Its like someone just quit using Crack, but then volunteers for a job cleaning up the Crack Den lol. Its torture!
So i didn't really get an answer, which is her style .. not directly answering anything. But by the way she is hesitating, and the points she is making, it is obvious i need to just leave it alone and accept it will never happen. I love her too much and wouldn't ever push her into something she doesn't want to do, and i caught myself doing just that. So enough.
Now comes the hard part! How do i possibly let this go? It has been such a huge fantasy of mine. It has become the center of most of the dirty talk in the bedroom, which is fueling our amazing sex life. It has become like an addiction or obsession for me!!
Should i try to get help? I cant really talk to her about this because it could be perceived as me bringing it up again, and i really don't want to. But on the other hand by avoiding it completely, i feel like i am blocking her out, or shutting her out, or maybe have some deep down resentment toward her for not wanting to try it, or at least give me closure one way or the other on the issue.
Sorry for the long winded rant ... just really needing advice on how to cope.
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