Okay. This is not easy. I have been married for 9 years to a woman who is wonderful and who I love very much. At first I thought she suffered with depression. As time went on and I witnessed drastic mood swings I started looking deeper and someone I knew suggested it was bipolar disorder. Not knowing what this was I said no way. Finally I looked into that and thought - wow these are are her behaviors to the letter.

I got her to seek help around her depression and she went on Prozac. It made a difference. A huge difference. It didn't last. She missed the "freedom" the mood swings gave her and felt the medication "trapped her". She went off at her co workers (as she does at me often) and lost her job.

That was 7 years ago. It turns out she has not been able to hold on to a job her whole life. She would cater and waitress. I think jobs she can do when she wanted to and no one could ever look closely enough to see the erratic behavior. She is a pro at that. When she's depressed she won't answer the phone and won't see her friends. When she's manic she finds new people to meet and talk to who are impressed at how outgoing and talkative she is. She loves this. She doesn't let anyone get close enough to see the anger, the physical out breaks, verbal outbreaks or the depression. She goes through periods where she is up until 3-4 in them morning for weeks.

It's got to the point when I could tell when the mood changes were coming or when the volcanoe was about to blow. Not that I could do anything about it. She has been on and off of medication -going from doctor to doctor. When she is taking something it doesn't change her. She actually senses some of the mood swings and can self correct. She still gets sad or a little manic but not in an extreme way. When sees off the medication it can get pretty extreme.

My wife is very creative. I have supported her creative endeavors as a way to give her a sense of purpose and structure in her life. I thought by doing this I could help her and help our lives together.

Long and the short of it this is where I am. About 9 months ago she said she wanted to see if she could do without any medication. I said of course. I asked that if I thought she was started to go down those old roads of behavior that I could tell her without her getting angry or accusing me of wanting to "make her sick".

4 months into it she was staying up late again. Cycling through sorrow - no stop talk - believing that she was becoming incredibly psychic getting angry at the drop of hat. I could say "banana" and an entire evening would go from peaceful to all out war.

I thought I would just watch to see if she could self correct. Well when I got the $500 cell phone bill I found calls to another state that I didn't recognize. I manage her myspace page ( I'm her business manger) and found love notes!!!!

We have business email accounts we share and there were these emails. She didn't even have the presence of mind to hide it.

Where we are: I could tolerate a lot but no this. I told her cut it off or we're done. Funny thing is after 12 years of courting and marriage she is on a campaign to both family and friends that I am the problem. I've wanted to make her sick. I won't let her have male friends. ( She has many male friends) Her family knows she had mood issues but ( and her father is a doctor) they are more concerned with saving face and not having anyone know there is an issue with their daughter than in helping her. They have enabled for years as sadly I think I may have. So now they are on a tear to get us divorced.

I have become the enemy. I am flabbergasted. I am exhausted. I have spent every penny and every ounce of energy living in my wife's topsy turvey life and I thought I was being a patient, supporting, loving husband.

I probably should have looked into a support group a long time ago. As I look at these forums I understand the pain someone with BP goes through but I also understand the spouses and families involved go through terrible times. The pain of loving someone and not being ale to help them but also the abuse and confusion we accept because we love them is incredible. All because society has created a stigma around this. For so many people this is something to swept under the carpet. We don't abandon someone we love because they have cancer and we can't stand the thought of chemotherapy. And we don't leave our loved ones that suffer from one or another mood disorder.

Finally I was at a sales conference several weeks ago and overheard a coworker talking about his issues. I've worked with him for 8 years. I happened to be with him in the airport on the way home and asked him about it. He is bipolar. I would never have known. He has been for a long time and knows that for him medication is the answer. He knows that without it he will sink and he's aware enough to know he won't chance stopping. Like my wife he is a great person. I thanked him for sharing as I spoke about my situation and he totally understood what I was going through. As we parted to go to our flights he said "Make sure you take care of yourself. Don't let yourself spin out of control. You can't help your wife if you don't take care of yourself."

So who takes care of us while we are living in the hurricane of our partners cycling?