Some women suffer horribly from this experience in life...It is as if a special part of us is now gone...In many ways, maybe the most important part of who we are...You truly feel a lonliness within...The thought of not having the capabilities to have a child is something that you were not prepared for...You think you could handle everything, but this is different...You feel this new emptyness...and might I add it affects every part of your life...

It is a struggle both that we have not been told about, nor has it been written...It can actually hurt....

Good luck,
Caroline

Your wife could be going through depression. After a hysterectomy a woman experiences many hormonal changes emotionally and physically. A proper diet and health can all determine how quick someone recovers. Has the doctor decided she didnt need estrogen? I know she may seem cold at times but just take a minute to remember what she just went through. It takes time and each person is different. I know this isnt the best comparison but just imagine you had your testicles removed. Emotionally you would be angry, sad..... Yeah women that have hysterectomy's no periods. Yeah great right? What about the hot flashes, the nausea, the mood swings? Just give her some time. The best quick way is to start exercising. Happy endorphins. Try mentioning it as something you both could do together.

Having been this place in life, you have heard that you are supposed to change as a woman...Probably get frigid...You wait for it to happen...When you have sex you are not sure if you want it or not...Confusion reins...And it stays until you realize that you are the same woman that you were before the surgery and accept this...Good luck...

Caroline

Thank you for your replies. She has a dr. appt on the 7th of July. This is the second visit to her Gyno since her procedure. She called him one time after her one appointment and he told her to go to her normal care Dr. Thats how she got on the Prozac. Which made her very tempermental towards the children and me. I understand what you are saying about not being able to have children again.. I do. She has never talked to me about any feelings that may have anything to do with it. I'm not saying thats not the case, she's just never brought it up to be an issue. As far as sex, when we had a talk about things. She mentioned that she didnt care if she ever had sex again. It had nothing to do with me, she assured me. Just thats how she felt. Two days later she woke me up at 1:00am to have sex. Two nights following that she teases me into having sex. Not that was a problem with me, but I was trying to give her space to figure things out. Can you see where I have become confused through this whole process..lol

Please don't think that I am blaming all of this on her hystorectomy. Part of the problems were having has to do with me. I have gone to great lengths to reassure her that I will fix things on my side. I love my wife and family more than you'll ever know, I just haven't been showing it the best way possible. My fault completely. I am trying very hard to understand where she is coming from and what she needs from me to make things better. She has given me some direction but then days later gone against everything shes said prior. I am sorry for rambling but I want more than anything to make things easier for her as much as I can. Its hard for me as a man to try and put myself in her shoes and react in the proper way when I will just never fit in those shoes.

Things seem to be fine with us but its still confusing. She says she loves me but not in love with me. Then wants me to hold her , make love to her, kiss and be there for her. I will not give up on her or my family..

Are you willing to possible share why things are your fault? I think you are trying to put yourself in her shoes by trying to understand. VERY COMMENDABLE. Between possible stress and a hysterectomy she could be in overdrive. She doesnt even know what she wants. The sex? Well it can be like that hit and miss. Seriously a woman can deal with dryness, not being aroused...then it hits. Offer to go to the doctor with her. If she would rather go alone then maybe have supper ready or do something a little special. You want her to know you may not fully understand what is going on with her but you are there for the long haul. Actions speak louder than words. You will not give up on your family! Love endureth all things! Have a Happy Father's Day!

First of all this isn't your fault...She will go hot and cold...She is fighting within herself this new change that she is going through...Don't be surprised if she ends up being more sexual than you have ever seen her...Believe me I know many women this age who have found that their life has only begun...Many of us are still aroused...Dryness is not always a problem...It is how we both handle and accept this time in our life...If we look for problems, then we can find them...A woman's imagination can go a long way...Sure some of us suffer and let our emotions take over, but IMO this is the confusion of this place that we live at this time in our life....Far too many have read about it and expect it...It is like moving on to this next step in their life....

She is trying to be the person of old and accepting this person of new..She thinks she should feel different yet in many ways she doesn't....I wouldn't give her too much space so that she feels alone...Let her know how hot of a woman that she still is...Try to take her back to her yesterdays...Not push it, but let it be known that she is still your girlfriend of old...We don't want to be treated different as we are the same person within this body....yet there is an emptyness that only time will let us forget....

Don't worry about where she is coming from..Just act on it when she is ready....I am not sure of her saying she loves you but is not in love with you....If she wants you to hold her, make love to her and kiss her then she is in lust for you....In my book, that is called love....

Good luck....

Caroline

Things that are my fault... Bringing my work home, Losing my temper.(Never in a million years have I ever struck her)Being insensitive.

Now our friends areare about to split up. My buddy is basically saying that he doesnt want to be with his wife. My wifes friend. My wife has been talking to him on the phone and texting trying to help him. At first I was ok with it but now it is getting in the way of our progress. He has basically said that its over between them, whats there to talk about? I'm trying to do all the things that need to be done on my end. With very little aknowledgment from my wife, which hurts me down to the bone. For the past two months they(our friends) have been coming down from where they live to stay the weekend with us. give or take a week or two here and there. either she has gone up there with the kids or they have come down to our house. the only reason I havent gone up there with them has been because I have to work on weekends. It has taken a toll on me heavily. They were down here again this weekend because they thought it might help things, but I dont think that was ever the case. She went up there last weekend with out me even in the state I was in(Hurt, confused, and alone) She made it sound at first like she was going up there to talk with her friend and try and figure things out. It ended up be just a get away from me trip, where she had all kinds of fun, while I was at the house alone crying and doing laundry(Yes I do laundry, cook and clean.)lol

I cant help but feel like there is something going on between my buddy and my wife. I think it is stupid for me to think but I cant help myself. I have asked her if there was anything and she says that he is like a brother to her, and that they have bonded talking about our problems. But there is nothing going on. I dont see how someone who is giving up on his wife could posssibly help her in our situation. I told her I was uncomfortable with it and she basically said that she didnt see the problem.

This weekend I watched my wife turn her back on my child to talk to one of our friends. I didnt say anything at the time because it wasnt thwe right place. She avoided any physical contact with me, if there was any its because I made the attempt. I was told by our other friends that were with us that she said that she didnt know why I felt the need to keep touching her..I felt like dieing.

After we left the water park, we went to some friends Dads house. she avoided me again. Yesterday on Fathers day I made my own Breakfast with her friend that stayed the weekend with us. I did laundry, cleaned house and made my own dinner.Where in the past these things , maybe not all would be done for me. I dont need anyone to do it for me but it feels good to feel appreciated as a father. Let me go back a sec, saturday she pushed our daughter off on our other friends almost all weekend. When they left, she got a text from the them letting us know that they got home alright. My son who has been fighting a cold was told to come in the kitchen to take medicene by my wife. When my son asked three time how much to take, my wife ignored him to text. I was standing right there. I asked her to put the stupid phone down and pay attention to my son. she diod, but only with help.

She loved on our friends kids all weekend and shunned ours. I told her what she was doing because I felt she needed to know. She was very upset, and said she didnt realize she was doing it. When the kids came to tell her goodnight my daughter asked me what I did to make her mommy cry.Heart crushed once again. I told both my kids that it was something I did because I dont wan them to think less of there mother.

When I got up this mourning it was I love you and kissing and have a good day. when I told her about me being uncomfortable with the texting and phone situation this is the response I got "well that is crap b/c he can talk to me and i can talk to him and that is a problem we are talking about our situation and i help him alot !!! I am sorry you feel this way but i dont have this problem ..."

Now she wants us to go to dinner without the kids , just us. I am very hurt by the things shes done and things shes said. I'm not sure how I will get over being told I'm second fiddle to my friend. Especially from my wife of 12 yrs.

If you don't mind telling us...How old is your wife?...

Caroline

My wife is 30 and I will be 32 at the end of July. Dinner was ok we talked and I cried alot. She was sempithetic to my emotions. I am a former marine and have never not had control of my emotions like this. Up until this point, I haven't cried in over 10 yrs. Now I can't stop, kind of crazy.

By the way something I didnt inform you guys. The reason she had her hysterectomy was because she had constant bleeding, cyists on her ovaries, endometriosis. We tried several procedures before the hysto but to know evail.

She told me lastnight that acouple of our friends told her also about the way she treated our kids this weekend. She also said something about going up to our troubled friends house for there daughters birthday. I dont want to go, I want to spend time on us. This is after she already said that we weren't going because they came down this past weekend. I'm not sure if I should tell her no and risk a fight, or just back down. Its not in my nature to back down. But, I'm changing. Just doesnt seem to be a good solution...

She sounds to me like she is taking on the problems of the whole world...Trying to fix someone elses marriage instead of her own...Probably going through Menopause without the help of hormones...Get her back to her doctor...She needs help...It can be quite a shock to a woman's system with this surgery...Can mess with your mind...Seeing she is so young it is doubly hard...Her loss is a bigger loss...It must be confusing her terribly...You are a wonderful husband, father and man, but you can't help her find this place within where she needs comforting...I believe she needs the help of someone who is familiar with this mind altering time in her life...I also don't believe that Prozac is the answer...Especially if she is taking it and then stopping it after a week...This can have a terrible effect on her body....

I wish I knew the answers to your problem...Possibly asking the doctor at the top of the page might help...Good luck...

Caroline

Warnings and side effectes of AMBIEN

Serious anaphylactic and anaphylactoid reactions [see WARNINGS and PRECAUTIONS]
Abnormal thinking, behavior changes, and complex behaviors [see WARNINGS and PRECAUTIONS]
Withdrawal effects [see WARNINGS and PRECAUTIONS]
CNS-depressant effects [see WARNINGS and PRECAUTIONS

Abnormal thinking and behavioral changes
A variety of abnormal thinking and behavior changes have been reported to occur in association with the use of sedative/hypnotics. Some of these changes may be characterized by decreased inhibition (e.g., aggressiveness and extroversion that seemed out of character), similar to effects produced by alcohol and other CNS depressants. Visual and auditory hallucinations have been reported as well as behavioral changes such as bizarre behavior, agitation and depersonalization. In controlled trials, < 1% of adults with insomnia who received zolpidem reported hallucinations. In a clinical trial, 7.4% of pediatric patients with insomnia associated with attention­deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), who received zolpidem reported hallucinations [see Use in Specific Populations


This is my wife to a tee....When all this started is when she was given the Ambien....Maybe?

Some drugs can have this type of an effect on a person...They have no control of their emotions...Only by living at this place in my life years ago would I know this...Coming off of them rapidly can be another problem...Perhaps she should visit her physician to speak about this with him...

I believe sometimes they fill us with drugs far too early in life...They are suggested and taken...Small relef for a while, but then the troubled part of life can begin...Each person is affected differently...Have her speak with her doctor...

Good luck,
Caroline