Hi and welcome to ehealth: I think your question is one shared by many men...What happened?...She was so excited about this sexual act to start, but once we were married, it lost it's charge...This could be a happening with the baby...I believe that all women can be sexual and it is a part of all of us....Yet, saying this, the farther in goes between sexual mating, the worse it can get....Thinking back at when I was younger, I can recall some of the same feelings...You are now a Mother and you have to learn to separate the two people...The lover and the Mother...Sure we do get tired, but you don't want it to go too far the other way...

IMO a woman must keep herself sexually stimulated...I mean masturbate in between sex with her lover...Without doing this she loses part of the new her that she has discovered....With a baby, this is too easy to happen...You are tired, work to do and sometimes can take a back seat...Then she is also learning to deal with hormones...She has to again learn to find herself......

Have you tried having her look at some Porn?...This may help...

Take care,
Caroline

Right, This does happen after having kids, I can relate.I think what you have to do is agree to do it every few weeks even if she does'nt feel like it,That may help,Just to get a routine back, don't become "room-mates", try new things, massage oils,womens toys( the egg is a good one),adult movies,ask her what gets her going.Spice it up & maybe A weekend getaway even just for the night @ a local hotel,have a candle-light dinner,hopp in the hot-tub! SO try that I bet if you make her feel special she will like that!

"Have you tried having her look at some Porn?...This may help... "

This is a major NO NO for her. She finds that porn or any other stimulant in that direction is degrading\off putting\unnacceptable for her.

" This does happen after having kids, I"

I would agree that the issue has been accentuated by our having a child, but it was there before or daughter was born. :-\

I think we will try the romancing more and see if that helps...

i know of two guys that have girlfriends that have that problem. and for someone that has a strong sex drive i was shocked. the first women is overweight and they think that plays a role. the other women is fit, but never had an orgasm.
i can drink alcohol and get horny,soft music and slow dancing, rub her feet, tell her to put something sexy on, use k-y jelly, soft music in bedroom, get a babysitter one night, certain medications killed my libido. buy the magical shower head...
p.s there will be a time when your baby sleeps the whole night.

My husband and I have the same problem as you two. (minus the baby)When we first started dationg we were having sex all the time than when we got married and sometime after tht we decreased. I don't feel anything which causes me not want to less and less. Than when I trymore for him I get more frustrated and hurt because it' not satisfying. Especially since I have never had an orgasm. When I look back at when we first started I thing i kind of felt good but I think what I really enjoyed was the idea of making love with the person I truely love and care about because it was new.
Are you her first?
Have you asked it it feels like anything or just a in and out moWhat e have do to make the situation a little better is alk about it and see what our options are then for me to keep my mind open and stress free. That I keep telling myself i will like it that i love doing it. It hasn't helped with how i feel but we do do it more because i'm trying. I hink she just has to make the decision to do that than while you both are doing that thn at the same time work on making her feel beeter. As to how.... Unfortuntly I'm still trying to figure that one out. Hope I helped a little
PS I agree 100% about the porn

I NEVER enjoyed sex. Its been 1.5 years m married. May be it's my mistake i can count we had sex only 25 or 30 times in life. My vagina is too tight and i don't get wet either since m married. I remember only two or three times i had light orgasm in my life during sex. I used to get wet a lot and turned on before marriage while talking on phone. Now every time my husband tries to enter i tightened myself that i couldn't control and feel unbearable pain. Now I've a daughter and it's been 5 months i didn't let my hubby have sex with me as when we tried once it hurts more than delivering a baby. I don't know it's because i don't have sex frequently or it's just fear or pain. I'm having troubled relationship cuz of that. I blame my hubby too cuz he doesn't touch me the way i want and he cant turn me on. I have orgasm when i masturbate or when he performs oral sex. I asked him many a times to watch erotic movie, may that would help. I envy those couples in movies who enjoy sex, i cries a lot and prayed that i would start enjoying sex and make my hubby happy, but i failed.... i fear for my future relationship

i've explained him many times, but i hate telling evrytime and he hates that too and het gets angry.. He says u r the only girl who have this problem... all day hes busy in his work on computer, watching news channel, talking on phone with his friends.. M busy all day with my demanding daughter who sleeps at 4 midnight.. after that he came to me have sex.. that ticked me off... also he went to sleep just after he cum..

can anyone tell me safe product to use for my arrousal?

my monster-ex and i always used ky-jelly b/c he wasnt into foreplay.

my new b/f is a freak and a master of oral sex. when we first met i didnt feel anything, he was just going in and out. we talked about it he told me theres sex techniques. he's the nerd guy that read books about sex, talk to people (gays, lesbians,who ever). he told me to do those kegel exercises. i dont know what happened, but he is now snug as a bug inside, and he is a "pleasure pleaser" he is very big on foreplay and oral sex, so me getting wet is not a problem. and the sex is so great, but we had to work on it.
some guys are lazy and they dont want to take the time to have foreplay, and that is a big part of sex, not just "sticking it it".
if your sex life was great before, you have to find out what happened and how to get it back to the way it was. maybe she is burned out by stress. take a vacation & try it in the setting of a romantic hotel room. sometimes doctors dont always have the answer. research sexual dysfunction for females.

I will be doing a Topic on the Forum later this evening under this Topic and Relationships and Marriage that should help women with these problems...I am going to write it now....Believe me, sex can be awesome....I have screamed with passion at climax, and not known it was me until the next day when my husband reminded me...It was during legs over his shoulders sex with deep and wonderful penetration...He was pulling my nipples at the same time...Lord, that was so hot...I know as the dog at the foot of our bed on the floor howled...I recalled it, but it was sort of an out of body experience...Before this happening I never would have believed this was possible...This was three years ago...

I have also cried...The pleasure of the release of an orgasm with ejaculating was so overwhelming that it left me in tears...I have since taught another woman how to do it...She, too, is in love...

It takes deep and lustful passion to find your shameless self to make this happen....You have to find all the smoldering secrets of sexual want in your mind, and allow them to be freed...You then give them to your lover...Only thing is that this is a private meeting of your own mind with your soul...He is just there to take you on this journey of happiness....Hopefully the post may help you....I also have a book for you and your husband to read....Until later...

xox
Caroline

One thing I have noticed in myself is that if I don't get it in a long time I want it less and less. Women are different than men, it is just nature. I find sex to be disgusting and vial but it feels so good! It is hard to reconcile the two emotions about it. I want my husband to moan with pleasure but I don't ever want to actually have to look at his "goods" nor think about exactly what happens during sex. For me, I have to separate my body from my mind and just concentrate on how it FEELS, otherwise I am totally turned off! Good foreplay is a must, but once you're in don't suddenly turn off the rest of your body. Keep stroking and grabbing and being hungry with the rest of you, that helps focus her on something other than her dislike of sex. Also three days in between sex maximum (unless you accidentally hurt her the last time) 'cause if she's anything like me that way, she may want it less after that.
Oh also, being greatly turned off by Porn is normal for a woman because we are not naturally turned on by visual stimulus even if we don't find it downright disgusting (been documented too).
Good Luck, I hope that helps!