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July 2nd, 2010
Why does my husband think it is ok to cuss me out? He can yell and cuss and talk any way he pleases. But if I say anything negative, he blows up. I was mad that he dropped paint all over the treshold and that turned into a huge cussing out for me. I don't treat him like that. I have been married to him for 37 yrs. and he quit drinking and smoking 4 yrs. ago. When he drank I never said much to keep from him jumping on me (verbally). I can't voice my opinion about anything. He has always been demeaning towards me, usually around his family so I wouldn't go with him to visit. Since he stopped drinking his family doesn't get together at all. And since his mom died and his father remarried. I just am tired of this one sided stuff, what is good for the goose is good for the gander in my opinion. He acts like he is 10 yrs. old so much. I know he is different since he stopped drinking. He drank all the time I had known him, so now it is like being married to a different person. I love him and want him to continue to do well. He also has diabeties and I am wondering if this affects his temper also. i am just tired of this treatment.
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CarolineEF
replied July 3rd, 2010
Community Volunteer
Hi reallyawitch and welcome to ehealth: First, the name does not suit you...Maybe "reallyasaint" would...But then this is my opinion...Why does your husband do this?...My answer is that you have allowed him to do this from day one...You never demanded respect...So he never gave it to you...Saying this I can say with some knowledge of life that I can see where you shut your mouth...Being married to someone with a drinking problem is living in your own place in hell...They go in moods...Happy or sad...Unfortunately, this follows even after they have kicked this habit...Sometimes worse than before as they don't have their crutch to lean on...It's like he was at a party and the party is over so he punishes you for loving him...Yes, it is like being married to a different person and it will be up to you if you want to continue along this line...Diabetes is not affecting his temper....He is just a spoiled brat that lets it fly when he feels like it...

Being married 37 years is in your favor...You have tolerated it...I find as an older woman that I am stronger and more knowledgeable than I have ever been in my life...I think it is time for you to take hold of your life...Begin with talking to him...Tell him what you have told us...Tell him that you do not nor will not grow old being beaten down whenever he feels like it...Tell him you are aging too and deserve the respect that all women should have...Tell him to love you and not treat you with disrespect as he does when he is mad...Honey, tell him that you are just not going to take it anymore....At least, that is what I would do...

My friend I send you all my love and hope you can find some happiness in your years ahead...Tell him to go back to that time in life when he fell in love with you...Tell him to look into your eyes....You still live there....Hugs...

Caroline
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jbdhood
replied July 5th, 2010
unacceptable behavior. my wife verbally abused me for years, and i tolerated it because she truly was kind of psycho (with drugs to treat it). finally had enough, and for the first time ever i used the D word.

funny, that's all it took. the mealticket willing to walk out, leaving her to get up and work for a living.

it's been peachy ever since Smile have you had enough to do something about it?
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