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Why dont i cum during sex ?

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hi, i use to cum all the time during sex, like 5 times each time, i always came when my bf was on top, but i was raped, and now when my when my bf is on top i think about that everytime, so he really cant be on top now, so he can never get me to cum now, even when im on top, which i love, do you have any suggestions to help us?
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replied April 8th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I know what you are going through. I had serious issues with oral sex or anything to do with my mouth and hands because I was molested as a girl. My entire sex life I never gave oral or touched a man until I was 20. I ended up seeing a therapist and that is what helped me.

I think that this might be what will help you. There is a mental block that your brain has created due to the trauma it sufferred. We oursleves cant always break through this block. Thats when someone from the outside can help us. It could be a priest, school counselor, but someone that is equiped in unlocking that block. I have found that no matter how safe my partner made me feel I was still afraid. It took a couple of months of therapy once a week to finally overcome my fears, but I am so glad I did it. The fear did not go away immediately. it took a few months of touching and trying oral sex at my pace to enjoy it. That may be TMI but thats how I overcame my fears and I am so much more satisfied and so is my hubby.

Maybe this will help you. Please pm me any time and please keep posting. I am here to help.
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replied April 8th, 2008
Ty for your advice but i have tryed that and it only made it worst, i started having dreams again when i went so i stopped going, so if you know of anything else that i can do or my bf can do, please tell me. Its makes him fell really bad because he thinks that hes not doing his job right so i want to get things back to normal. ty for your help.
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replied June 4th, 2008
have you tried telling him about what had happened? i know it can be hard to talk about, but it would fix his emotional problems, and maybe some of your's...my mom has been raped twice in her life...once by a man, and once by a woman...she shut off any sexual intamacy after the man drugged and raped her....a few months ago, my mom finally remembered being raped by a 'friend' in college...back in the 80's...she had a few serious crying sessions about it, and i was there for her...she'd had dreams about it, but...if you want to conquer this, you need to talk about it and resolve these emotions, especially if you had just buried them after it happened.

it might be painful to talk about, but it needs to be done, trust me, i know from the experience of having multi-hour long talks with my mom on the subjects.

offering some help from a boyfriend's perspective, and a rape victim's son's perspective.

hope i helped some, kellie

~very best of luck,
~the_fries_guy
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replied February 5th, 2009
i had the same problem for a while, but as was already discussed, therapy will help. i had nightmares about the experience when i started therapy too, but that is part of working through it, even though it is scary. if you don't deal with the problem, it will never get better. i also would suggest buying a copy of "the courage to heal," a well-known book about recovering from sexual abuse. it has helped me a lot.
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replied February 5th, 2009
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Thank You For This Topic
I was drugged and raped by 2 men last year at a party and have had problems with sex since then.

I used to be able to orgasm at the snap of a finger, and I've noticed that it is A LOT harder to orgasm after that incident. I would say every 10 times I have sex I will only cum twice. I don't think of the rape during sex, but I think it is a underlying subliminal thing that is always on my mind, and always will be.

I know it would be hard, but try to communicate what has happened to your boyfriend. This will let him know that he isn't doing anything wrong, and it will possibly bring you two closer. If possible see a therapist. Communication is key. If your holding all of this inside and not telling anyone, I find that you think about it more. I only told two people, my mother and my best friend. But I held back from saying anything for several months, and I found that I pondered on it more when I hadn't told anyone.

If at all possible, invest in some things that may make your sex life more interesting. Masturbation is key. I feel that the more I masturbate the more I will be able to "train" myself to be able to "cum on command" again. It will take time, but I'm certain that it will get better.

good luck, from someone going through the same thing.
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replied February 23rd, 2009
my husband doesnt cum
I noticed my husband does not cum anymore does this mean he doesnt love me anymore
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replied December 21st, 2009
Try it!!!!
well as some people said before... talk about it. it might feel as though u got somethings off ur shoulders. it might help u feel better about urself and ur relationship with him. try it!!!!
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