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Why don't I have any friends? (Page 1)

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I am a 29 year old single, childless female & I can honestly say that I have no friends. I have no one that calls & talks to me on the phone. No one visits my home to just "hang out". I sometimes get so sad & cry because I don't even have anyone to share my meals with. It has basically been this way my whole life. I don't know why I can't make any friends.

I have somewhat strict religious views which include not condoning smoking, drinking, pre-marital sex. The people in my church are older & basically bore me outside of the church. I don't like to be around people who cuss or gossip. I am not going to compromise my morals or beliefs just to have friends, but just when I think I meet co-workers who can be potential friends, I realize all they talk about is clubbing or sex or how much fun they had when they got drunk...and then I can't see myself having anything other than a casual acquaintance with them. I feel uncomfortable hearing these conversations, so I just stay quiet when I have no other choice but to be around them. I don't act stuck up or anything; I'm just basically know as the "quiet" girl.

And don't even mention dating. I think I am at least somewhat attractive, but I never get asked out. EVER! I wonder if I am unapproachable or something & try to smile & be friendly in public. But it doesn't seem to be working. I tried to get involved in the community & even joined Relay for Life. But that just ended with me just standing around looking stupid while everyone else talked amongst themselves.

I know people will say go see a therapist, but how can I afford that? Or go talk to someone in your church, but I don't want people throwing Bible scriptures at me that I already know. I would like to talk to a therapist & I would like for it to be someone I don't know. I have brothers & sisters who all have their own lives, most of them married with children. But I feel like I am all alone in the world & have no one on my side fighting for me. Looking back over my 29 years, I can't remember a time when I was happy. Yes, I know I'm quite pitiful, but does anyone have suggestions for me?? Rolling Eyes
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First Helper healthy008
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replied July 23rd, 2011
What's even more depressing is when no one has any advice for you....
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replied March 24th, 2012
I feel the same way you do!! The people here where I live seem to be very clicky. Everytime I try to make a friend, they put up a wall and I feel rejected. I am 39 years old and I just want to meet some people that will accept me for me. I am a Christian, and I don't like being around people who swear or cut people down. I have a big heart and I don't judge anyone. No one is perfect. I have made some bad decisions and just want to move on. I just never feel good enough. I have tried making friends with some of my cousins, but have no luck-They seem clicky also and don't bother with me. It really hurts when you want to have friends that accept you for who you are, but no one gives you a chance. I have tried smiling more, and talking first, but nothing works for me either. Sometimes I just want to cry. I would love to go for a bike ride with a friend, or go bowling, or go to the zoo, or just have a friend to talk to, but I just get rejected. I feel miserable.
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replied June 22nd, 2012
i can say i have no freinds too, the only (freinds) i have only talk to me when they want something from me, or need me to do something for them. i have been like this for my whole life, no one seems like they like me. recently at school people look down at me, only 2 or 3 people take pity in the fact i have NO ONE to do anything with. i ask some one to do something with me and they always say "im buissy with this, or i am gonna do that. the same story every time. every one seems to be doing "something" when i ask. i was not even invited to the graduation party for any of my schools. im alone all the time. as sad as this sounds, i am used to doing stuff by myself, like movies or bike riding. anything that someone would want a freind for, i always do alone
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replied July 8th, 2012
I can really relate to you I also can say I have no friends as well, the only (so call friends) I also have only talk to me when they need me. I can onestly say that the only friends I have is 2 girls who used to be my coworkers. I kept contact with them due to their have a lots of things in commun with me. Like they are marry with children have the same interesting in music, pass time as me. We have got together after I left my job like 4 times in a period of 1 1/2 year & most of the time is because I make arrangement to get together. They always sending me texts or email saying they miss me & that we need to get together but all the time I make plans to do so when the time arrive is always something. One of the girls I have know its that she make time for me when her BFF are not around. Is sad to say but that's always been
Part of my life others take advantage of me. Now that I''m learning how to speak my mind I come out like I'm the bad person always. I only have my husband & kids that I can say that are very true to me I do most of my stuff with them but they also have a life on their own & when that happen I do most of my things alone & sometimes it make me feel sad but then I see is part of who I am & only me can change it. True to be say those 2 so call friends I'm taking them out my life I don't need people like that around me.


Read more: Depression Forum - Why don't I have any friends? http://ehealthforum.com/health/why-don-t-i -have-any-friends-t293306.html#b#ixzz205dq EkLK
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replied August 14th, 2012
I am depressed and I know your problem too well. I had one friend (girl). We worked at the same company and in the beginning we had a very good relationship, but 1 year later she doesn't want to know me anymore.
I'm almost 64 and the first time I lost all my friends was due to my second husbands'behaviuour. At last nobody even cared for me anymore.
I got fired because I suffered from a depression. A new boss took all my social contacts with our"patients' away . I was used to help anyone who asked me for help. I was hurt,sad and didn't believe in myself anymore.
One year later, no friends, no social contacts, always locked up between four walls. I don't know what to do since nothing really interesses me.
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replied June 18th, 2012
I TOTALLY can relate to what you are saying. I am in my 20s as well, a Christian, practically single, and don't have any friends though I have quite a few acquaintances. The people in my church are all older, married, and kinda boring. I don't smoke, drink, curse, or engage in pre-marital sex. Perhaps my lifestyle turns people off? The Bible says that we are Peculiar, though I never viewed myself as Strange or Odd. Perhaps it is NOT that you are judgmental but that the Holy Spirit within you convicts others, and this is why they do not want to be your friend. Or maybe you don't feel comfortable around them because the Bible says "Friends with the world is an enemy against God." It is natural that you want (God-Fearing) friends. There is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother and His name is Jesus. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Trust and allow Him to meet you social needs, your emotional needs, mental needs, to keep you and in doing so meet your sexual needs AND spiritual needs. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you. Are you seeking friends (or any type of satisfaction) more than you are seeking Him? Remember that one of His names is Jealous. When you trust Him to meet all your needs and put Him first, then God will send the friends that He has for you. Be encouraged and Be Blessed Smile woot woot!
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replied August 2nd, 2012
ill be your friend and give you advice , i feel the same as you, whatever you do don't panic, im 29 and i understand how lonely this world is, im still alone , ive been alone for years,,its just unlucky-ness ,ok , so just be the best person you can be in life, use your religion , like me ,to be spiritual and thoughtfull , it will help you not to worry, take care
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replied August 4th, 2012
im 27 and feel similar to what you do, since i have grown up i have come to realise that my so called "friends" do not contact me unless they want something from me, they never randomly text or call me to see how i am i have to always contact them and go and see them instead of them coming to my house, they have there own clicky gangs and i dont seem to be considered to be invited out with them i get forgotten about, i have been given advice to join a activty class or do a hobby outdside of the home to meet new ppl and as much as i want to believe them, in the back of my mind im always thinking, what if im left out again, what if they dont like me, what if they use me like the rest of my so called friends?. im sorry i dont have any advice on how to deal with it, but one thing i can say they are probably not worth it and hopefully a friend worth waiting for will come along and remember you are definatley not alone !
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replied October 27th, 2012
Oh boy Im always late to any forum that I google. If your still reading replies this might help. For what I read so far you 29,single, no friends and want to exclude smoking, drinking, pre-marital sex and gossipers. True some you have to avoid. One thing I would like to tackle is you don't have to compromise your morals or beliefs just to have friends a friend should be able to respect your morals and belief. Your list basely cancel out the mijority of the crowd. I pretty sure nobody is far from perfect. One wrong move is judging others because we all at least sin once in life but what matters most is repenting no one is perfect. Second wrong move is maybe your finding friends in the wrong places. You got be active join a place you think have people you might like:ex my church has other different church come join...I sometime go to other churches...there should be special concert and events. But it all does'nt matter if your not trying. I am a quiet person and shy too... I actually learn to break my comfort zone and be me. I found that being shy and reserved was because I did not realize i was selfish its was all about me me and what i think that prevent myself from making friends I never thought about giving them a chance when they are willingly to share themselves unselfishly to me. When u r depress it really shows so maybe that is one reason why guys stay away. Women who look more attractive to man r the ones who r happy and confident, and we wander why they have so much friends too. Its because they give out a positive vibe that is why people r attracted to them. So do me favor stop crying, love ur self and pick yourself up and go make friends. every one is unquie that is what is beautiful about them. The sad part is doing nothing Sad...I wouldn't care if i didnt write this essay for you...take care and god bless. Smile
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replied October 27th, 2012
Oh boy Im always late to any forum that I google. If your still reading replies this might help. For what I read so far you 29,single, no friends and want to exclude smoking, drinking, pre-marital sex and gossipers. True some you have to avoid. One thing I would like to tackle is you don't have to compromise your morals or beliefs just to have friends a friend should be able to respect your morals and belief. Your list basely cancel out the mijority of the crowd. I pretty sure nobody is far from perfect. One wrong move is judging others because we all at least sin once in life but what matters most is repenting no one is perfect. Second wrong move is maybe your finding friends in the wrong places. You got be active join a place you think have people you might like:ex my church has other different church come join...I sometime go to other churches...there should be special concert and events. But it all does'nt matter if your not trying. I am a quiet person and shy too... I actually learn to break my comfort zone and be me. I found that being shy and reserved was because I did not realize i was selfish its was all about me me and what i think that prevent myself from making friends I never thought about giving them a chance when they are willingly to share themselves unselfishly to me. When u r depress it really shows so maybe that is one reason why guys stay away. Women who look more attractive to man r the ones who r happy and confident, and we wander why they have so much friends too. Its because they give out a positive vibe that is why people r attracted to them. So do me favor stop crying, love ur self and pick yourself up and go make friends. every one is unquie that is what is beautiful about them. The sad part is doing nothing Sad...I wouldn't care if i didnt write this essay for you...take care and god bless. Smile
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replied November 18th, 2012
I dont have any friends. I have two kids, one of them wont come over anymore because i live in a apartment not in the best place. its all i can afford. i cry a lot and wonder why i am the way i am. i am close to not having any hope anymore.
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replied December 16th, 2012
hi i know i might be late to reply you and i dont have any advice too. but all i want you to know is i know exactly how u feel. im 19, a college student. and i have a strict belief like you, with no smoking, drinking, and pre marital sex. and far worse, i cant eat pork or eating in places that serve pork.well, that is maybe why i dont have friends. its tough to have a belief. and everything that is right is hard to do, is it? just hangin there, buddy Smile i hope u tons of happiness. and thanks for sharing. it makes me feel like im not the only one in this world Smile
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replied December 24th, 2012
making friends
Have you tried looking for a new church with a younger congregation? It seems that being involved with church activities would bring you in touch with the kind of people you would enjoy spending time with. Or perhaps volunteering at a charitable organization? Don't give up!
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replied July 1st, 2013
If you want to email and talk I don't mind
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replied October 1st, 2013
Sorry lifechurch.org ought to read lifechurch.tv
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replied July 24th, 2011
me too
though iam not a christian but think as u think about sex,drinking etc... publicly

presently i got rejected by my friends...for some damn reasons but the mistake lies with surely...

bcz of being not new to this situation i am being adpted to it rapidly

i know how u feel right now
i am not an expert to advice u but can share felings
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replied November 20th, 2011
Nun girl,

I completely know how you feel. I feel awkward at social events and parties because I'm just not really into that sort of stuff. I would rather grab a coffee and some sushi on the town than to go drinking alcohol with (mostly) random folks.

As cliched as this next statement is, God will put someone meaningful into your life, whether that person be a friend or your future husband. Your body language really does affect your chances of someone wanting to get to know you or ask you out, though. Try creating eye contact with people and maintaining it for just a second longer than usual. Smile. And while this may be out of your way, but Christian guys don't mind if a girl shows interest first..just matters how she does it. Innocently offering to get a cup of coffee is not bad for a girl in any way, and the guy might even appreciate that first move. Just make sure he's worth it. =)
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replied June 19th, 2012
I'm 16 Indian and I'm in high school. I don't have any single friend to hang out or share things with. I'm active on facebook and I have only online friends who I chat with. I never hung out with any guy, or did anything bad like sex or whatever. I felt so alone and depresses that I went to a psychologist and tried to solve my problem. She told me that I have some kind of personality disorder. People assume that I'm shy-kind of person and reserved so they never make the first move to talk to me. Well, the solution is you have to be social and friendly with everyone to make people like you.
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replied December 13th, 2012
Ouch! It Hurts so bad...
same thing with u girl am 19 indian also went to a psychologist i do have some problems like depression and anxiety but it was mainly due to bullying in school and unpleasant people degrading me like the teachers, my dad, pretty much everyone i knew.Things are tough i always seem to be kinder to people but yet they cant accept me for who i am, i am not weird i act pretty normal even with lots of issues i have dealt with, i just don't know what to do, why can't someone be there for me without any reason? i want to have true friends who will be always there for me no matter what,still finding but its like looking for a needle in a haystack, basically i am sad, confused and lost.Hey and i am shy and reserved too but then when i start talking i am really good. Sad just don't seem to understand whats going on with me...why???? this???
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replied November 17th, 2011
i am 27 years old and from the age of 6 till 11 i had best friends and i was so happy but once i started middle school all of that changed for me because everyone got split up and it has been that way for me through out most of my teenage years and adult life. i would go through these short spurts of lots of friends to absolutely none. and now i recently started a new job and although i would like to make friends i am having a hard time letting go and trying to let people in. I have been dissapointed and hurt by people that i was close to and i never got over that so i admit that i do have a wall up and that i can be judgemental. Just know that you are not alone and i hope that you will find friendship =) hang in there sometimes we have to be less judgemental and appreciate the good in people instead focusing on there flaws....which is something i struggle with but we will see what happens at this new job. Best of luck to you !
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replied December 25th, 2011
Too judgmental
If I understand it correctly, it's not just that YOU don't drink, smoke, or have premarital sex, but you don't condone it in others (if I told you I was a smoker, for instance, and didn't smoke around you, I'd still be off the list?) That's tough. Especially regarding premarital sex, unless you're a Mormon or something, I guess, and there are a lot of adults in your town that are single and celibate. Maybe you need to loosen up your requirements for others (just like they'd have to turn a blind eye to your being judgmental?) Being sexually active or a moderate drinker don't have to mean that you go "clubbing." There are people that have your dealbreakers in my book club. I have a hard time making friends, also, and I'm finding it is because I'm requiring to be too much like me. Something to think about.
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replied December 30th, 2011
From your post, I think you are a classic case of being introverted. I was, I found an article stating different ways to change my ways towards "extrovert" and I must say, it helped me out TONS when I felt alone and was severely depressed. Life is still a challenge, but I feel hopeful instead of hopeless.
Now, the first part of your post was worrisome, I am hesitant to comment because I hope I didn't take it in the wrong way. So all I'll say is that you do not have to change who you are, but relationships come in all different shapes and sizes. Though people may not share the same views as you don't put a wall up and hide, or cut yourself off. Give people a chance, and don't write them off because of their behavior. I have plenty of people that I converse with, just at work, and its nice to have those relationships.
Next, find a hobby. Join a bowling league, go out and sing at open mic's, take an art class or go to a gallery, take karate, join a walking club or runa marathon, anything that sparks your interest or a passion, just try it out! Life is to short to be living indoors. Besides its WAY better then a therapist, and usually more affordable. Not only will you will meet people this way, but you will learn more and more about yourself. If you are anything like me you will say "Oh, I've always wanted to try...." and then tell yourself, you can't. If you hear the words "I can't" then go for it. You will get no where if you don't push your boundaries, you will be stuck and still. If money is an issue, have faith. Remember, hopeful, not hopeless.
A couple of last things. Smile, even if its a stranger, you will make their day better. Make it a point to have a conversation (even in passing) with someone everyday, speaking just a little bit makes it easier. This was the hardest one for me, but saying "good morning" began cracking my "quiet one" syndrome. Keep your eyes up and forward, do not walk looking down. Body language goes far, arms open, eyes level, and a beautiful smile. Wear colors. And challenge yourself. What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?
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replied January 20th, 2012
Hi, I'm from the shreveport aera. I have no friends AT ALL.38 years old male.I became a christian literally through divine intervention.before that,I never believed in god.but when he personally gets your attention,there is no mistaking what is taking place during his visiting you.I'm seriously thinking about moving away,because I am sick to death of never having anyone to talk to.
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replied March 7th, 2012
i am a straight man that was married at one time, and i was a very caring and loving husband that never ever mistreated her in anyway. i loved her so much, and was very committed to her and i was very happy as well. now that i am single and alone, it sure sucks for me. i go out every single night not to be home, since i have no one to stay home too. the women today are very hard to meet now, because they are very nasty and have a very bad attitude problem, which makes it worse.
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replied July 2nd, 2012
I thought I am the only one who is feeling this way..
I do understand how you feel farnkop..its not easy to meet the right person these days.. I start to accept that being a lone is something I need to live with.
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replied March 7th, 2012
I don't understand this fixation on not smoking. It's purely a social ethic that was invented during the prohibitionist era. It has nothing to do with Christianity. Same with drinking, to a lesser extent.

But regardless -- being alone sucks. If the people in your Church bore you outside of Church, what would you consider a non-boring social interaction? What do you want to do for fun, in other words.
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replied March 10th, 2012
hey faith is imporatant, to ones self, but not allowing yourself to live is the worst sin. I am not saying go out an get hammered or jump on the first guy you see.
But the overly religous life will block alot of people from your life. You are too young to act so old. I mean what kind of music do you like, i mean i bet there is more music u like than church, have u been to a concert?
Don`t ruin your faith, but do not let your faith ruin your life, I mean heaven can me great, but why be in hell till then?
its like a diet, even then you have a cookie or two an all is well in the end...unless u have to many Smile
{{but that is my piont}} Smile
i hope this letter finds you in a better way, be well
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replied March 21st, 2012
Do something about it other than write about it. It's something you're doing that keeps you from making/having friends. Go outside, pick up a hobby, and stop being boring.
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replied March 21st, 2012
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Enough about God already. Y&ou say the people in church bore you outside. So they must bore you inside as well as they are the same people.

There's no formula for making friends. You have to make yourself well enough to attract people is about it. Being miserable puts people off and they will avoid you because of that.

You haven't mentioned depression at all.

Keep your faith to yourself as that too is a deterrent for many.

Given no mention of depression or symptoms I'd suggest a course, such as assertiveness so you know how to enter conversations without being emnarrassed. I had that bad a a young man but became someone who spoke to large groups of all with ease and loved it. Had to, for work initially and then it became easy.

You aren't actually talking about depression at all, are you.Maybe try another forum, such as relationships.
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replied March 21st, 2012
If you need a friend, be a friend.
Since faith is important to you, I'd recommend looking for a church near you with a younger congregation. It's a bummer to be a single introverted Christian.

I read a good book that helped, Networking for People Who Hate Networking. Don't give up trying. You might also look into volunteering in a field that interests you. You will have the chance to network with other volunteers.

Another thing that works for me: In order to have a friend, be a friend. Somewhere close by, there's another person just like you, who is looking for a friend. Look for people shyly hanging out on thr fringes and strike up a conversation with them.

Is there a Christian Coffee House near you with an Open Mike night? You don't need to get up and sing, but go and watch. Keep us posted on how it's going.
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replied April 17th, 2012
I know this is a bit late but it may help you because it certainly did with me. take the jung personality test. You sound a lot like an INFJ to me (I can tell because I am one). Just because you internalize things and have set guidelines about what interests you and what does not (I.e. drinking and smoking) doesn't mean you are unsociable or have an unappealing personality. INFJs are the rarest personality type, only 1 to 3% of the population. They often feel alone and are okay being alone sometimes because they understand they choose to be that way but being a human and not feeling that essential human connection from communication really gets them down. My recommendation to you is join a new club or group such as a spin class (that's what I did it worked wonders for me! Working out feels great and I made two new friends!) Or something else you've always wanted to take!!! It seems silly but you should just try and it could be great! Relay for Life is a great cause congratulations! Just because something doesn't work out doesn't mean nothing will! Also if the being single thing bothers you using something like eharmony could work out wonderfully! People sometimes make fun of it but it's honestly a great idea and at the least it'd be something new! You are also more likely to find someone with similar feelings which could make it easier Smile. Best of luck to you!!!
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replied April 29th, 2012
Your co-workers only talk about drinking and sex because that's the only thing that is going on in their life. What else is there to do, right? WRONG. in your conversations when they talk bad about someone, don't just stay quiet. say something like, "you know, actually i like her hair" etc... someone else might be grateful that you stood up to the gossiper. Gossiping never truly makes friends. But during the conversations after you say something nice about someone, bring another topic up (like conventions or movies) just so it doesn't look like you're being mean to the gossiper. just start talking, and since everone will be so surprised that you started talking, they'll have no choice but to listen because they're so stunned! then they'll start talking to. have a little more self-confidence!
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replied April 29th, 2012
Your co-workers only talk about drinking and sex because that's the only thing that is going on in their life. What else is there to do, right? WRONG. in your conversations when they talk bad about someone, don't just stay quiet. say something like, "you know, actually i like her hair" etc... someone else might be grateful that you stood up to the gossiper. Gossiping never truly makes friends. But during the conversations after you say something nice about someone, bring another topic up (like conventions or movies) just so it doesn't look like you're being mean to the gossiper. just start talking, and since everone will be so surprised that you started talking, they'll have no choice but to listen because they're so stunned! then they'll start talking to. have a little more self-confidence!
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replied April 30th, 2012
to help you and tell about my story
What you need is to maybe go to a different church that has young people in it and begin to mingle with them or work on social skills. I'm 14 and moved to a new school in summer of eighth grade and didn't have anybody but my sister and aa friend from church who seemed creeped out by me. What I did was mope around for six miserable months and that was NOT the right thing to to because I'm too social and need people. So I went and talked to people that weren't druggies or nerdy and searched for friendable people I guess. It feels really good to think I'm helping somebody so reply if u can Smile
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replied April 30th, 2012
Friends are not important. Make something of your life, create something, friends will naturally come, but dont rely on them because we all are in reality alone on this journey, especially in todays society where we are becoming more alienated from one another, in our very own relationships and friendships for who can say for truth that they really know, love and care for their 'friend'? Everyone is living for him/herself. We have been conditioned to think that we will weaken without friends, hence we become weak, most people make friends just to show them off, but independance is extremely underrated. Who needs friends? Make the most of your freedom, enjoy it, make a mark on the world. Each person lives on their own island doing what they want to do to make something of their life. Dont let the fact that you are not 'surrounded' get you down. Be strong! This is all about you, and what you want! Live your life!
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replied October 27th, 2012
I must say i felt that i needed friends until i read your forum. I always had friends who only came around when they wanted something, everything was all about them. I use to hang out with them dranking, partying and everything else, And up to this point i felt lonely even though i am married. But you are right the society that we are living in everyone is out for themselves. I don't know you but thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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