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Why does it take him so long to ejaculate?

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I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months now, and ever since the beginning it has taken him a very long time to get off. He has only ejaculated a few times during sex because usually it takes so long that we both just get tired. We try lots of different positions, and I'm constantly looking up new ones, looking up new tricks for oral, I try stimulating his balls and everything. I bought some lingerie, I even squeeze my muscles down there. He tells me that it's always been this way, that even when he masturbates it takes a while(but I'm not sure how often he masturbates). He is also circumcised, if that is relevant at all. But I am not sure what the problem is, here. Is it me? Is it him, and if so is it physical or psychological? I'd like to understand this better, because I hate leaving him unsatisfied, and I know it must be frustrating for him as well. Is there anything we could do...positions, lube/gel, vitamins, meds, therapy, something? I appreciate the help, thank you.
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replied January 25th, 2013
First of all, lucky guy. I can't last more than 2 minutes. But his issue might be the exact same as mine just the opposite effect. Which would be an overly insensitive penis. Mine is extremely sensitive there fore I finish quickly, and he could be very well just the opposite of that. I wouldn't worry that it's you, just keep looking for ways to get him off! =)
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replied January 27th, 2013
Well Malocc, he is indeed lucky. I 'suffer' from the same thing, but I can hardly call it suffering, it's a huge benefit.

When my girlfriend and I first started the intimate side of our relationship, she had concerns that she wasn't doing things right, that she didn't 'turn me on' enough etc. (...and she's had plenty of experience). Nothing could have been further from the truth. We can make love all day and night and I will finally cum when I make the decision. The downside is that I have only cum from oral just a few times ever and not with my girlfriend, even though she has excellent technique.

I would ask him how he feels about it, because getting off myself is not my primary aim. I plan for a lot of pleasing before I get that far, so ejaculation is a little bonus. Talk to him.

I don't think circumcison is an issue at all, I'm not circumsized. I don't think size is an issue either. Foreplay is a big thing with us, so it's not as though everything is happening too soon and lovemaking can go on and on if we want. As for stimulation when making love, that is not a problem in my case, far from it.

There is a problem, but my advice to you is.....don't be in any sort of hurry to rectify it!!!!

I just think he is lucky and you should both count your blessings and adapt your lovemaking accordingly.

Have fun.
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replied January 26th, 2013
is your boyfriend has a long penis..???
usually the longer the penis, the longer the time to ejaculate...
if its an average size, maybe your bf doesn't stimulate well during your intercourse..
or maybe there something going on in his mind while you're having sex, that bothers him to perform well..
perhaps, you need to be more sensual and passionate..try some foreplay first to make him stimulate..
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replied February 16th, 2013
Experienced User
hi malocc,

my wife of 15 years has probably only made me orgasm from oral 2 times... (though that's partly her technique, which she's unwilling to put any effort into improving)

For me, part of the problem is I know she's "not that into it", and that she doesnt want me to orgasm in her mouth (not a question of spit/swallow - she doesnt want me to orgasm at all when its in there). As such, I think psychologically I'm put off having an orgasm...

So... Make sure your boyfriend knows he's more than welcome and that you really want it! :}

(Another thing that may help, if you're up to it, is to play with his ass whilst performing fellatio, as this can be very stimulating. Not talking insertion here, but running a wet finger around his anus can do wonders. Straight men have just as many nerve endings around their anus as gay men - just because it feels good doesn't make him gay.)

In regards to general sex and not cumming... I'd suggest making him promise not to masturbate at all. At least then, when you are having sex, you'll know he should be pretty well "charged"...

If he's spent years looking at porn whilst masturbating, that could also be an issue, as his brain is now encoded to orgasm whilst looking at those images. The no masturbating rule could help with that, too, as if he can start orgasming with you regularly, it will help to re-write his neuro pathways...

If you suspect he's still masturbating, just lock his penis up and keep the key. Wink

Good luck...
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replied February 17th, 2013
some great answers..i think this is not an issue , I used to ejaculate quite fast, still some times I do ,because I rush sometimes. The best thing is to have foreplay for 20 minutes prior to penetration, this will give his penis enough time and when you both are having sex, he will cum.
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replied February 17th, 2013
i think it may be an mental/psychological problem that he should maybe talk to sumone about....or it could be like sumone above said, that if he watches alot of porn to masturbate his brain may be programed to cum off that.
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replied February 18th, 2013
Experienced User
The other side of things RE masturbating to porn... is that aside from making the brain expect porn to go with orgasm, the penis is getting used to being stimulated using (whatever method he uses)... so he may find it harder to orgasm with you, because he's used to doing it alone...

I really think you need to get him to stop the porn/masturbating, but this also means being very accommodating to him as well, as you try to change his mental and physical associations with orgasm...
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replied February 25th, 2013
Premature ejaculation means uncontrolled ejaculation before or shortly after penetration during sexual intercourse. This problem mainly occurs due to anxiety, mental stress. Most it will not cure with medicines or products. Try to improve intercourse time naturally.

Following some steps will help you to get rid of premature ejaculation:-

1) Learn to stop! Don't go at it like a bull. If you feel yourself getting close to the point of no return STOP. Withdraw your penis and change what you were doing.

2) Breathing. Control your breathing through your nose with deep breaths. This will slow your whole excitement and put you back in control.

3)Stay in control. If you have the mindset of being in control, instead of getting over excited, then you can withdraw at any point, change position, give oral stimulation and generally decide the outcome of the experiences.

4)Relax and De-stress before sexual activity

5) Take a warm bath before intercourse

6) Do Yoga

7) Have healthy diet

Cool Good life style

9)Decrease the alcohol, tobacco consumption

10)Communication between partners
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replied March 25th, 2013
Thank you for all your help! Most of you were right, he just needed to stop masturbating. Now I can get him off every time!
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replied June 15th, 2013
In my first marriage, both of us would end up exhausted and I still wouldn't have peaked. She was just so wooden. I learnt to cope with this by fantasizing about another woman who I'd never made love to, but who was very expressive about her enjoyment of me when petting. As soon as I thought about her, I'd explode.
This got me thinking that for me, and I suspect for most men, their partner's response is extremely important. That's why successful prostitutes put on a huge show of being absolutely blown away and overwhelmed with his extraordinary lovemaking ability. Of course they're just faking it, but it works! If you're really enjoying his lovemaking, let him know! And if it means "faking it until you make it", then do it. Squirm, pant, scream, gasp and thrust, arch, drum your feet, wrap your legs around him, put your hands on his butt and pull him in, dump all your inhibitions, and watch him climax like he never has before.
When he does cunnilingus, and I hope he does, do the same. He won't be able to wait until he can jump in and cum.
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replied August 8th, 2013
Some very good answers. Especially leonards. I find that if you act spontaniuosly and get completely into it the sole plan to please then its easy to get my husband to orgasm. I used to get very 'catholic' in bed believing i should not be doing certain things and even though i turn him on it would take long for him to get off.
To all wives and girlfriends in trusted relationships there is nothing that can please your man more then knowing you want him. Show him tell him live it
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replied August 8th, 2013
Some very good answers. Especially leonards. I find that if you act spontaniuosly and get completely into it the sole plan to please then its easy to get my husband to orgasm. I used to get very 'catholic' in bed believing i should not be doing certain things and even though i turn him on it would take long for him to get off.
To all wives and girlfriends in trusted relationships there is nothing that can please your man more then knowing you want him. Show him tell him live it
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replied August 12th, 2013
You should consult it with some specialist.
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replied August 16th, 2013
Maybe someone can help me too? My boyfriend and I are having a sort of similar problem...

My boyfriend and I have been together for close to two years. He has never had any problems ejaculating during intercourse, oral, or masturbation. Recently, however, he has not been able to no matter how we go about it. We have been fighting a lot lately and he has been pretty stressed out. Could this have anything to do with it? Or could it be eating unhealthy/overweight? Or is it just us doing something wrong now? Is there anything we can or should do? We've tried all kinds of sex, masturbation with and without porn, toys, lingerie, foreplay, etc. He's tried masturbating by himself all week and can't come with or without me around. What can we do before going to a doctor?

And no, he's not seeing anyone else or losing interest in me. I even offered (albeit jokingly) to bring in a third person and he turned me down. He's truly upset and feels like he's letting me down and I don't want him to feel like he's doing something wrong. And trust me, he knows I want him and he knows he pleases me.
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