Every once in a while I get this overwhelming uneasy feeling in my head. It feels as if I'm extremely annoyed and restless. It always goes away but sometimes it can take hours and I just feel like I'm going to snap. I don't feel happy and I feel like a good cry would help. I recently bought a journal so I can write out my feelings but I have carpal tunnel in my wrists so it hurts too much to write and I just don't bother with it. I don't like to vent, rant or try to talk to someone about this cause I feel like I'm annoying. I feel like I'm over exaggerating or that no one is even concerned about how I feel. My dad says I should take pills but I've been on medication before and I hated the way it made me feel and I didn't like the side effects. Pills don't work and the side effects just add what the meds are suppose to suppress. I'm tired all the time but can't ever seem to sleep at night yet I can sleep the day away.. I fret and worry and constantly dwell on things which has led to acid reflex. I live in the past and wish things were the way they use to be. I can't adapt to change and when something major happens I can't ever get over it. Growing up my mother was not very helpful or loving. She would call me names and make me feel like no one liked me or that I pushed people away, and would get on to me for staying in my room rather than going out. She really only made this worse.. now that I'm almost 23 I live with my fiance and have no contact with my mother or most of my family for that matter. Sometimes I hide in my room and keep to myself. This feeling of loneliness, anxiousness and restlessness is really taking a lot out of me. So much so that I feel that I'll go insane.. I feel so helpless.
Hi Restlessness, you may have a mental condition going on like bipolar, I have it. either that, or depression. You're having mood swings and at the exact time. Like mixed episodes of mania and depression. Or could be just depression. I have bipolar, too, so I experience similar feelings and thoughts. Talking to someone is a good idea. Don't think you're annoying or anything. That's what professionals are there for, to listen. And you have to fin the right medication to help you. all meds have side effects, but many wear off after awhile, and finding the right med as soon as possible and getting help will save you you major problems like it getting worse in the long run. Feel free to email me if you have any questions or anything else. You can always talk to me. Take care!
Hi feel the same, most of the time am depressed i hv had many failures in life..i feel am not worth living this life coz am good for nothing..I screwed my studies cant fetch a good job..never enjoyed my life never had a boyfriend..cant concentrate on anything..since my mind is forever engaged..I hv a good husband my beloved son but individually am worthless...a loser...am nowhere in my career.At the age 32 when most women have an enchanting career am sitting at home for my baby in others eyes but the fact is i am uneducated and incompetant...i feel i were dead but cant attempt suicide since nobody knows me internally..people judge me by my external background..will i be like this forever even i wud like 2 take up a job grow heights in my career be financially independent than just sitting at home and doing nothing.
Even before I read this I knew it had to do with your mother (unresolved conflicts with mothers lead to a lot of our problems). I was in the same situation as you, and slowly learning that I do not need the approval of my mom to be happy. And that sometimes we can love someone without liking them very much.
Now with that realization I am working on patching up my relationship with my mom which is very difficult. She is a very bitter/racist/untrusting person and has of course passed this to me. I blamed her for a lot of my problems. I was hit a lot as a kid (it was seen as "ok" in our culture), but despite it I still loved my mom. However when I got big enough to defend myself, the emotional abuse/control started. Now because I was putting myself through school, I had no choice but to live at home. This led to most of our problems, and I am glad you have moved out, I wish I had done the same at that age. Once you remove yourself from a toxic situation you will gain some perspective. I don't know how you are with the rest of your family, but for me my sister has been huge support. She took psychology so I let her "shrink" me Just the act of talking it out with someone really helps as AMowns said, so don't hide yourself away. I don't know if you have any hobbies, but going out and talking to people really helps. I took an art class, but pretty much anything to socialize yourself and not hide in your room is beneficial.
I don't have experience with meds, I don't think I am depressed (do most people "know" when they're depressed?). I did try a naturopath as I'm wary of side effects too. Now I do more exercise which helps my mood. BUT whenever I spend time with my mom it pretty much dissolves into fighting. But I can see it's not just me that is "worthless" (my mom insulted me through my childhood too), my sister has problems with her too.
So long story short, whatever you do in terms of medications, counseling etc I wish you the best, and congrats with the fiance! It looks like you have the life part under control. But if it can't be fixed with drugs, then maybe take a look at repairing your family relationships. It has more impact on us than we realize. I'm still working on it, but it has really helped me to know I am trying to be part of the solution instead of how just feeling angry/helpless/frustrated about it before.
I actually stumbled upon this site trying to research about depression becuase I think my wife is depressed though she wont admit it. In the 7 years that we know each other she has always been moody, though the low peaks kinda tend to happen more often than the high peaks.
I know she has gone through a lot and lost her father only a few years before we met. Her mom isnt really approving of her, and she doesnt approve of me either though this isnt anything we speak about openly, but compared to many I know (myself included) and some of the stories I have read here she has actually had a pretty good childhood.
She had a loving father, a somewhat distracted mother who pays alot more attention to her son instead of caring about her daughter, but she didnt call her names or hit her or anything like that.
She is very successfull in her line of work, she has me who loves her to bits and would do anything for her. We have only two months ago had a beutiful healthy little baby boy. I have a good job and make enough money to live well above the middle standard....
Still when I came home today she is crying becuase she finds the apartment too small (given we have been looking for a property to buy for the last year). Two weeks ago she was crying because the roof was leaking.... and the list goes on forever.
What frustrates me the most, is why can she not see all the good things that are around her? Why does she see all bad things?
And to be honest, reading through the few posts here I find this one thing in common. Restlessness you are NOT alone. You have your fiance, pay her some attention and focus on her. You feel lonely becuase you let yourself be lonely. Your fiance must be very concerened about you...
and S15, you are NOT a failure. Just take a look at your baby and ask yourself what a wonderful miracle of life that is and that you were lucky enough to be an integral part of it. Not everyone is that lucky to have a loving family.
Life is painful, life is mean, life is cold and dark. But its also beautiful, warm and full of love but only if we allow it to be....
remember monty pythons life of brian? : Always look at the bright side of life ......