Every day I wake up wishing I were dead. I don't understand why I feel like this, I have a great life. I have been cutting myself for 2 and a half years and I can't stop. I have tried to stop but everytime I do stop for an extended period of time I eventually cut again. I feel like I have no control over my life. I feel like I don't deserve to have a life. Everyday I have to deal with so much pain and sorrow that I just want to kill myself. Sometimes I feel like that is the only way for me to be happy. I don't think I am meant for this world. I wish that I would just die. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because of my family. I could never hurt them like that. So I hurt myself instead. Why does hurting myself make me feel better? Am I crazy for doing this to myself? Why is it that the only time I am happy is when I think about my death? I don't have answers to any Of these questions. I don't think I can deal with this for very much longer. All I want is to be happy. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe it is but it is the only thing I want. And the only thing I can't have. I don't think I will ever be happy again. I can't even talk to anyone about it because no I e knows about it. I can't keep hiding this from eberyone. It is too hard to pretend to be happy all the time. I need someone to talk to. Someone who can help me. But I just don't know if I am worth helping.
Wow, this sounds exactly like something I would've written a year or so ago.
I'm 18 years old now and I had been cutting myself since I was in 7th grade.
You (probably) cut because it's the one thing you have control over. You get a rush from the pain you feel, it's satisfying, almost relaxing. I remember always feeling tired and worn out after I cut myself, I loved it. It was the only thing that calmed me down.
I was one of the lucky ones who never had to get any professional help to stop. It was actually my boyfriend who helped me the most. I still rarely get the urge to do it when things get tough, but I don't, and in the end I'm so glad I didn't.
yep, sounds similar for me 2 about 6month ago, never thought i was meant for this world either, i still dont. I wanted to kill myself everyday and had to cut everyday.
You sound like there is a lot of things that you need to deal with in your life at the mo and the intensity of it all is difficult to manage, thats the only way i can think that you have a good life but yet hate it. I am 26 tomorrow and i am still struggling, i stopped a few months ago but valentines day meant i just had to cut as i new no other way to deal with it. 4 me i know why i do it, feels good obviously, makes me feel worthless and because i know no one else cares what i do (family excluded), i can do what i want to myself because i dont matter, a lot of spite in it for me and it makes me happy as i know i cant feel any worse than resorting to doing it.
You are not strange for doing it, there are plenty of us out there, everyone has their own way of coping with life and a lot of people dont understand my way.
To make me happy i try to see things in a different way, if i can see people that are happy it makes me smile as i think at least someone is happy, they have what i want, I have no idea if i will ever be truly happy again but i live in hope that i can feel like i once did before. I just try and cope in the meantime and try and keep myself busy, playing a sport helps me and beer oh and keeping a job, if i lost my job that would be the end of me
Im sorry if i am a bit off the topic or even wrong, i have not spoken to anyone about me before so i dont know what others think or why they do it etc etc, i also dont want to sound patronising in any of it as its not meant that way. I hate people telling me what to do.
Sorry 4 rambling on, i wish you all the best and hope you find what you want/need too, take care x
That's exacly how I feel right now. I have for the past maybe, six months? I don't know what to do. I have a great life...But I feel like I don't deserve it. I always just want to dye...but I also only don't take my life because of my family... I'm to afraid to tell my parents about it.
I know exactly how all of you feel ive been through some major things in my life and its been such a hard time for me i was and still am depressed if u saw me and didnt know me you would think im the happiest girl alive that i was perfect and never had problems in my life but its not like that for me i feel so alone in this world like no one cares or loves me. i started cutting a year ago and i just recently stopped its been almost 4 months and even when times get tough i want to cut i think to myself is that pain really worth it is me making scars on my wrists really worth it and you kinow what i dont do it and a few hours later im relieved im proud of myself its been almost 4 years that ive been depressed but its a new year im bringing my hopes back and you should too dont think about what others tell you or what they think of you because in the end whos there for you. YOU, you have to make yourself happy you have to help yourself and you have to be the person you want to become not so sterotypical person that others want you to be you are your own person beautiful inside and out its not fair to throw your life away for something that you feel in the moment. Life has so much to offer people in their teens and 20's who are depressed need to see the other side of the world. Your beautiful inside and out dont let scars and your past and depression let you forget that look in the mirror everyday put post it notes saying im beautiful because you know what someone out there is waiting for you and accept you for who you are. Your beautiful
I am not going to tell you how bad it is because you probably already know. I know becaue I have been told for years, and yet it is so hard to beat the feeling. But This is partially like the song by Fun. This is part of it that I thought might help.
If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground