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Why Can't anyone understand?

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August 12th, 2009
Well, I am a stay at home mom. My son is 20 months old. My husband works from 6pm to 6am, and sleeps during the days, he only works 16 days a month, but makes enough money for us to get by. I go to school online full time and also help my husband with his homework full time. I also take care of the house, deal with the people who rent a room in my house, and keep up with everything my son needs. I have been feeling so overwhelmed lately, I don't even find time to get adequate rest or even find time to eat.I spend about 3 hours daily cleaning my house, 3 hours plus per day doing school work, and about an hour and a half running errands everyday. My husband does not help me the people who live in my house refuse to help me and surprisingly my 20 month old son helps me pick up his toys, put away dishes and put things in the trash and I don't even ask him to. I break down and cry because I feel so overwhelmed with all of the craziness in my life, My husband thinks that I am over dramatic and since he goes to a job and gets paid for what he does he thinks that it excludes him from everything else, my son comforts me when I cry he comes over grabs me really tight and pats my back gives me a kiss and that is what keeps me going each day. I have reached the point that I feel so alone, and do not know how to talk to my husband without him thinking I am over dramatic and saying that I need to stop crying, He asks what I want him to do and all I ask is that he recognizes what I do and appreciate it instead of spending all of his free time on the computer or doing things that he wants to do, If I want to go grocery shopping he always wants to put it off, it's grocery shopping groceries are things that we need, not things that we necessarily want.I just feel like I am at the end of a road where the wall is too high to climb and there is no end to the sides. Any advise or words of encouragement? Please!?!?
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wendyrs
replied August 12th, 2009
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Your baby sounds so sweet. He tries to help you because he sees you working so hard each day. On the other hand your husband sounds very insensitive. It's difficult to communicate with someone who is just going to ridicule you and that's what he is doing. You might want to set yourself a different schedule and not clean every day. Yes, continue to have your son pick up his toys and keep the house neat and clean, but you shouldn't have to clean for hours every day. Do the people who rent from you have responsibilities around the house? Is it in their rental agreement? You shouldn't have to be their maide. My advice to you is to choose one day a week to give the house a good cleaning and spend the rest of the week doing fun stuff with your son. Again, 3 hours of cleaning a day seems like too much. Most people give their home a good cleaning once a week and just pick up the mess here and there. If hubby should complain about anything not getting done then just tell him to lend you a hand. Raising a child and being a stay at home mom is a job in itself. Give yourself a break.
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MrsVaughan
replied August 12th, 2009
thank you, they are supposed to help clean but they are moving and they feel that because they pay rent only 400 a month for everything that they should not have to help out. My husband is insensitive at times but I do not know how to talk to him and yes, I know my son is sweet in fact I feel like I have the greatest kid in the world. I cant concentrate if the house is dirty and my school takes up so much of my time its crazy. I would like just one day off where I dont ave to cook, clean. do school work, or get up early. HAHA fat chance.
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starship33
replied August 12th, 2009
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it's it possible that you can take a break (for a semester) from school work online full time. can you take a break from school for a semester and then go back part time? this will give you some time to relax and you might not feel so overwhelmed.
what does your husband do when he's not working those 16 days?
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wendyrs
replied August 12th, 2009
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I know the feeling. I remember when my boys were little and I used to just wish for one day where I didn't have anything to do. Now they are grown and sometimes I long for those days when they were little and wanted my attention. Let go of the house cleaning and cooking for one day, take your little one out for the day and have some fun with him. Afterwards, take him someplace fun for dinner like McDonalds or Chucky Cheese...Let hubby make his own dinner and just forget about the chores..Take care of them the next day.
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wendyrs
replied August 12th, 2009
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I wouldn't put school aside because I've seen people do that and not go back. Yeah, what does hubby do when he's not working all those days? He needs to get off his butt and help out. What would he say if you told him you needed a day at the spa?
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MrsVaughan
replied August 12th, 2009
he just says that "its his day off and he wants to relax" when I tell him that I dont get a day off from my job he almost belittles me and makes me feel bad because he brings home the bacon, but without me there would be no home to bring it too, I just wish he understood the stress I have and would at least offer to let me go off by myself for a while.
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wendyrs
replied August 12th, 2009
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He sounds charming! Does he ever spend anytime alone with your son? Tell him to take him out for a daddy and son day and then you can escape for awhile and have some time to yourself.
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starship33
replied August 12th, 2009
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Your husband figured out a way to relax and enjoy his life. i think you should sit down and figure out what you can do to relax and enjoy life also. there has to be some kind of balance you can comparmise with your daily duties.
this inturn will allow you to be a happier wife, mother, and a peaceful person who has time for HERSELF.

i used to work full time, go to school part time, take care of my five year old, and my boyfriend. it was hard and i had migrine headaches 2-3 times a week.
now that my life isnt so demanding i dont get the migraines.
again i think it's up to you to find that balance.
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MrsVaughan
replied August 12th, 2009
Thank you. I appreciate it.
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vimvimVIMM
replied August 12th, 2009
at the risk of being harsh, tell the man that if you dont get your groceries you'll divorce his ass and buy the groceries with alimony.
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Dark
replied August 13th, 2009
Experienced User
I think your husband loves you very very much, but he just does'nt understand your sorrows completetly, i've seen it many times, a person thinks just because he/she works that the person that does'nt get paid for working in the home, keeping it clean, taking care of the kids, taking out the trash, or taking care of a parent, that they do'nt work just as hard and they have it easy, when in fact it's the person in the home doing all of these things that really works the long hour, because these things are full time jobs, like 24/7 jobs, and the partener that go's out to work to bring home the pay, really has the part time job, because his job ends when he comes home.
It's idoitic for people to think the partener that takes care of the house and kids, and cleans up, takes care of the parent or parents,cooking and takes care of the husband/wife when they come home from their work and does all of the household jobs and does not get anything in return are not just as worn out and tired as the husband/wife that works outside of the home, i beleive it's the husband/wife that takes care of home that needs a break more than the partener that works outside of the home.
You really need to talk to your husband and let him know that you are wornout phisically and mentally, you need to recharge.
My prayers are with you, may god open your husbands eyes to your issue. Smile
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