Medical Questions > Relationships > Single and Struggling Forum

Why aren't men interested in me?

I guess I am just frustrated. I am 21 years old and have not had a date (or anything close to a date) in over 3 years. Men are simply not interested in me and I don't understand it. In all honesty I am not bad looking or even slightly overweight. I am 5'5 and 125 pounds (curvy) -I take care of myself- dress nicely, I shower daily- and yet nothing! I'm intelligent (in college) I am very successful in my field of study (theatre arts and comedy) . People think I am really funny as well as talented, and I am a great friend. I have an apartment and a job. I guess the biggest thing wrong with me is the fact that i am bipolar but they don't know that right away, so it can't be part of the problem. I have been abused by past boyfriends, (physical and emotional) I have also been sexually assaulted on more than one occasion- so maybe I am putting up a wall and don't realize it?? Any advice? I know that being single isn't the end of the world and it has given me a lot of time to figure out who I am- and I do go out a lot and have a wide circle of friends but all of my friends are happy and in relationships and I can't help but get jealous. I feel pathetic. Any advice? I just want to meet someone who doesn't want to use me for sex and then drop me like I am nothing- I am better than that. Any help is welcomed. Thanks.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

User Profile
replied June 7th, 2008
Experienced User
Please marry me.



Shocked Okay I mean-- if I knew you face-to-face I'd certainly want to protect you, I'd be escorting you everywhere because I don't want you to have bad experiences.

I can't really say why men in your surroundings aren't interested in you. You sound really nice and fairly deep (in comparison to the shallow girls I unfortunately know). Maybe you aren't noticed in the right places ? Do you speak up and get noticed ? Are there guys around you "pretty close" ? And indeed, maybe did you make a wall. I'd say: keep that wall, it's fine ; but please install a door in the middle of it so some people can enter sometimes.

Remember that bad memories come from individuals, not from the whole group of male population. Stay aware thanks to your wall, but open that door from times to times and say "hi" to people passing by your wall. Don't let everyone in of course

Also, please. Stay funny, talented and complicated. I think complicated girls are adorable.



Big kisses. I don't know you but I'm sure you'd be an awesome catch Very Happy
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank s_kalb for this post: Beline 

replied June 8th, 2008
Sometimes it's hard to put yourself out there and meet new guys...but it has to be done! Are you unnecessarily shy around new men you meet? The next time you're in a social situation, try to monitor your behavior to see if there's anything you're doing that might be sending men a particular signal.

I know that for nearly a year I've been in a period where I don't want to date anyone, and somehow I am able to send out that signal to men, even those I've just met.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 22nd, 2008
"I have also been sexually assaulted on more than one occasion- so maybe I am putting up a wall and don't realize it?"

Firstly let me apologuise from the men of the world that you were assaulted, we are not all like that.

I quoted the above because I think you might have hit the nail on the head, unknowing to woman you can put out a vibe that you are unavailable, and trust me it works its like a brickwall when I approach a girl/woman a look or a posture can make me walk right on past, its very strange, its a total involuntary motion something in my head will just make me walk on by.

As for the not being used for sex, one simple way past that, do not no matter how much you want to sleep with a guy for the first few weeks even months of dating him, if they are not willing to wait they are not worth it, never EVER sleep with a guy to keep him, he will lose respect for you and it will not last.

Also stop looking at yourself thinking you have something wrong with your personality or you looks, it will only make you question yourself more, ther is nothing wrong with you. The only problem I can see is this wall you might be putting up, to be honest I can't blame you, you need to get your trust in men back.

Don't push for a boyfriend, it will happen sometime, try not to be jealous of your friends it will only lead to resentment and you don't want to resent your friends

Eddy
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank EddyMc for this post: chiamaka 

replied July 1st, 2008
Being Bipolar could be a relational-turn-off.
Okay, Your being Bipolar threw me for a second, But now I got it straightened-out in this pea-sized brain of mine. It kind of makes me wonder if you are really Bipolar or just having those up and down relationship-Problems. Where you are weighed-down with the, "I am not good enough for anyone Blues". You do seem to have a problem in the Self-Love-Dept. And you need to first have an over-load of Self-Love in order to love others or to even attract them. You are mirroring this Self-Love Failure. And It can be a Relationship-Turn-Off for most men, and you may not even be are aware of it. Life is first about living it, with the good and the bad, but we cannot wallow in those Emotional-Hurts of the past And each new day is the rebirth of our humanity,and each day should be lived to it's fullnest, first-off in the loving of ourselves,then in the love of others.
Love from the Philippines.
Doug.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 5th, 2009
I feel the same way as you. I was once very shy and feel I lack in the verbal and non-verbal communication skills that are involved to attract men. It was pointed out to me last year, that I too, put up a wall and that it was a gradual thing that took time to build up. I now realize it will take time to tear down, but slowly I'm starting to notice little changes in how men act and react towards me.
In the last year, I've surrounded myself with positive people who complement me on my work ethic and persona, which has in turn built up my self-confidence. I also threw caution to the wind and decided to not hold back my witty comments in conversation, which I used to think would intimidate men, but in actuality men responded in the opposite fashion. So that whole cliche "be yourself" mantra has somethin' to it.
I understand it is hard to see your friends in relationships as I go from one wedding to the next, but I'm also starting to realize that it's not my time yet for a reason. Give yourself patience and time (especially time in regards to your past with men of which I am SO sorry to hear about) and know that you're not the only one. Best of luck Smile
~H
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied June 10th, 2009
Experienced User
Re: Why aren't men interested in me?
sunn wrote:
I just want to meet someone who doesn't want to use me for sex and then drop me like I am nothing- I am better than that.


Alright, you have already solved your problem because you know you want someone who is not interested in you merely for sex. Honestly speaking, to get that sort of man, you will have to wait. Just relax and concentrate on building a long term relationship than building some short term ones. You will meet some great people in your life. Love isn't merely about men and women sleeping together at night. And of course, you are indeed far better than being used for sex and it's good that you realize it. As I said before, You will meet the true man of your life!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied December 26th, 2009
Most likely there already has been plenty of men who were interested in you, but they probably didn't think you were interested in them or didn't want to risk rejection. It's easy enough for a woman to say "men aren't interested in me." when they've got the power of rejection right at their fingertips. Many men simply give up after being rejected yet again by women, so then girls such as yourself suffer because of men's low self-esteem.

Men don't read body language well and have trouble understanding the motivation for what women do, even if what a woman is doing is trying to get their attention. The thing about men is that you've got to be somewhat direct if you want to get our attention.

It might be time for you to start taking the initiative. Too many women are still passive when it comes to dating, even though we're supposed to be equal. It's time for you to make the first moves and directly go for the men you find interesting. If you want a relationship you can either sit back and wait for prince charming to come to you, or you can go out there and start kissing some frogs.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 26th, 2009
Heya girl. Sorry to hear that you have such bad luck with men. And sorry for the abuse stuff, they sure were idiots who didn't know how to treat other people properly.

So anyways, from what you write you seem much like a jackpot. My only guess would be that you are too good. Successful, pretty women scare men away, because they think they don't have a chance anyways.

Maybe try to be more open, treating guys like really close friends. If you fool around a bit, it'll give them confidence, because then you seem more "normal" instead of...umm..."unreachably awesome?" q:

Good luck with the guys, don't give up.
|
Did you find this post helpful?