This is embarrassing to admit but I am an 18 year old male and recently I have been feeling upset and crying a lot.
This will be a long story but I need to give get it off my chest.
About three weeks ago I started Uni, I was really excited about it until I got there. The first night I was there I went to a party with my friend and that wasnât bad. The next morning I had a hangover and I had caught a horrible cold, I had three days of doing nothing until induction started, in those days I got really homesick (even though the University is only 1 hour and 20 mins away by train), every day I would call my Dad and end up crying down the phone to him and he would reassure me, this helped a lot and it got me through the two days of induction.
However after the two days of induction I called my Dad again and we talked about me not enjoying living at Uni and so we talked about me wanting to live at home again and get the train to University. My timetable had me in on Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays and so I would have to wake up at 5:30 am on those days to get the train on time. I was still really worried about letting my parents down and wasting their money, (we still have to pay for the accommodation), and they reassured me that they are happy with whatever I do as long as I am happy with it. This helped but I kept asking them about it because I kept having negative thoughts in my head and I needed the reassurance. They kept reassuring me but I got the feeling that I was annoying them with my worries.
The first week of lectures went well I still had a cold and was still worried about letting my parents and flatmates down. After another long talk with my Dad we decided that I would get the train to Uni on Monday morning stay the night and get the train home on Tuesday and on Thursday I would get the train there and back.
I did that this week and it went quite well, I was able to stay the night at Uni without having to call my Dad, although I did have to reassure myself by telling myself over and over again that I will be coming home Tuesday nights. I made it to Thursday and on the train home I kept having negative thoughts over and over again, there was a voice in my head saying that I am doing Uni wrong and that my parents will pressure me into staying more nights at Uni, and I couldnât get rid of these voices. I kept telling myself that I am happy with how I am doing Uni life and that itâs my choice but the negative thoughts kept coming back saying that I took the easy way out and that im not going to be able to cope.
I talked to my Dad about this and I started crying again, he told me that I was the only one who was putting the pressure on myself and that no-one cares how I do Uni as long as I am happy he said I didn't take the easy way out because I still am doing the lectures and I haven't given up on Uni completely, he said I need to stop putting myself down and brighten up.
Since then I have been feeling generally upset and down there is nothing directly causing this, I just have a cold and my parents have been really supportive about this whole thing but I still just feel upset. Every now and then the negative voices and worries hit me again and I just feel like crying. I tell myself that worse thing happen and that my problem isn't that bad but that just ends up making me feel worse because I then say to myself "There are people in the world who have lost their parents or have been diagnosed with a terminal illness and they can deal with it, and im here crying over worrying about Uni!" If im making such a big deal about living away from home one night a week, how am I going to cope in the future?
Is this because of my cold and lack of sleep? Will the negative thoughts go away on their own or is there something that I should do to help?
I would talk to my Dad about this but I just know that I will start crying again and I hate the feeling of letting him down by crying and not dealing with it myself, I know I need my independence and I can't keep crying to him whenever I have a problem.
The bottom line is that I know that I am happy doing Uni the way I am doing it and I know that there is no pressure on me, but I just can't help the negative thoughts making me feel generally worried and upset about the whole thing.
Well i hope this week you are feeling better and your cold is not bringing you down.
Things in life can get you down from big things to little things. Maybe its because its all new to you and you just need to give yourself time to ajust to the new situation.
Maybe you just got yourself worked up alittle with the what if's. Life is far to short to be worring about things even though its really hard not to worry. The voices in your head are maybe because your trying to reasure yourself. (sorry i cant spell to good) i know ive done the talking to myself in my mind thing. Maybe you could see a doctor about this? I wish you all the best.