Single and Struggling Forum - Where to go from here?

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Q: Where to go from here?

asked by: man-in-shed on September 6th, 2008

New User

Ok. I'm 18, have had girlfriends in the past but now im struggling. When I 14 was meeting girls and all was well, later that year I started getting acne breakouts. I started to lose confidence and I tried the over the counter drugs with no luck. After a couple years my acne worsend to the point where i couldnt smile without my face hurting from my acne, and it was spreading to my back. I insisted to my parents I go to docter and they replied with either "it goes away in time", or " its your diet, drink more water". Finally I broke down started eating healthy and played the waiting game. No luck. So now im 17 with absolutly no self esteem, I have takin the mirror from my bathroom down so I dont have to look at myself anymore. Thats when iI started to lead a life of isolation. So my parents took me to the docter and I was prescribed some stuff. Its been a year now (which makes me 18 now) and my acne has greatly improved (mind you my face doesnt look good, but it never will after the scaring) but now I have a little bit more self confidence.

Anyways, I want to get back into the world, I dont think I've been invited to anything or been in a situation with girls in a few years (wich is understandable seeing as I totoally disconnected myself from the world). However, I need some help. With all this time on my hands from being alone all these years ive managed to find hobbies to distract myself from my lonelyness. I taught myself guitar, saved up thousands of dollars for my education, started going to nightschool to better educate myself for the future.

So now I have a schedule that goes like this Monday to friday I work 7am -3 :30pm, and on Monday and Wednesday I have night school from 6:30pm to 9:30 pm (there are no girls my age at night school). What kind of weekend hobbies or something could I be doing to present myself to people?

Also, I've been trying to update my not so stylish look. Now don't give tme the speel about how I don't need to look good for girls to talk to me, I know that. However, in order for me to have the confidence to stop myself from tripping over my own feet when I see a girl I wish to talk to, this "makeover", if you will, must be done. So does anyone have tips on how to stylize myself?

Thanks
Feel Free to tell me your stories, and what you plan on doing about
*special note on what your going to do about it, cause no one wants to hear you tell us about how your life sucks because you never took the initiative, if your Really want it, youll go after it

Replies(7)

worrywart01

replied on September 6th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

I think mostly its all in your head..the acne left some scars(not talking about physically but mostly emotionally)...you lost alot of self confidence while going through this time...i can understand how you feel about this..freshman year of high school I too started suffering from terrible acne and I know how it can make you feel...i went to the dermatologist and got treated and the acne completely dissappeared...you have to learn to accept yourself for who you are and the way you look..it isn't going to change..as for the style makeover...many girls are into different styles so that isn't exactly going to make or break you getting a date..its most definitely in personality and confidence...but if you were to ask me what clothes I think look good on a guy I'd say jeans and a nice polo..that always looks stylish without putting too much effort into it...american eagle has some great stuff for guys...as for the meeting a girl thing...I'm probably not the best to ask...i think that if youre looking..youll never find her...my boyfriend and I had known each other before at my old job but didn't really connect, i went off to college..came back and he'd ask me on dates...but I wasn't really up to getting seriously since I was going back to college in the fall...anyway, long story short..i gave in to one date and we really connected and sort of accidently fell in love and now 2 years later we're still together...i had been trying to go on dates during my freshman year of college but I think i was trying to hard and rushing things and couldn't really find the right guy......do you have a job? there are plenty of younger people at my job(i'm a waitress)...maybe go out with some guy friends and if they have any single friends that are girls maybe look into that? take the initiative though, take that chance, because alot of times the girl wont take the initiative to start things...my boyfriend asked me on a date 2 or 3 times before I actually gave in and went out with him...he was so persistant i figured I'd see how it goes just so he'd leave me alone..and if the date was horrible...then itd be over and i wouldn't have to deal with him anymore haha...and it turns out that was one of the best decisions i made was giving in to him...so go for it..take that chance...be confident in yourself!

sorry its so long!

worrywart01

replied on September 6th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

i just read the part where you work 7:30 to 3...well..if you cant meet girls at work look into seeing if your guy friends know of any single girls and have them set you up...there are plenty of girls out there...i'm sure you'll find one eventually...sometimes these things on the net work for some people..dating sites or whatever..i've never tried it but for some people it works out

man-in-shed

replied on September 6th, 2008

New User

Thanks

Thanks for the feedback. Maybe I should talk to my friend about this? to see if he can set me up or something then?

Fairy Godmother

replied on September 6th, 2008

Supporter

The best place to find someone, of hte same interst as yourself is...........something yo uenjoy. Be it reading at a library, or painting at a local art shop, a dance studio, a local gym, you said music.....maybe at a place where there's a local concert? Book stores, coffee shops, public places like local arts sales shows etc. Just depending on what you like, look for an event and show up...you never know who you will meet. As for your self esteem and dress code, I agree, a nice pair of jeans and polo shirt, nice shoes and good grooming.....to me, its about attitude, Its how you present yourself to others. its not what you have in life, its how you treat others........those who will love you will not see acne scars or any other flaws.......just a great guy looking for someone to care about! Hope this kinda helps! Hugs! F*GM

Users who thank Fairy Godmother for this post: zigemyster

worrywart01

replied on September 7th, 2008

Extremely eHealthy

agreed with fairygodmother...i also agree that it be important you share some of the same interests..you'll find you a nice girl, just get out there!

also, as a side note on the acne issue...I use this stuff called differin to maintain my skin when I get a blemish here and there, I've heard(though I could be wrong) that it helps some with wrinkles and scarring..you might want to look into it...plus it gets rid of whatever issues pop up really fast...only down side to it is when you initially start using it it does cause some dryness so you have to use it moderately and keep moisturizer on hand..but i love the stuff...maybe look in to it? see what your dermatologist says...good luck!

Users who thank worrywart01 for this post: Fairy Godmother

SwizzleStick

replied on September 7th, 2008

New User

Re: Where to go from here?

man-in-shed wrote:

What kind of weekend hobbies or something could I be doing to present myself to people?

What are your interests?

If you want to work out, you could start going to the gym. It is much easier to talk some over free weights than on the machines, and going at a consistent time will put you around the same people to build up relationships.

You could visit your local sports store to see what clubs are on the bulletin board. Bicycling, hiking or camping, martial arts, etc can be found for little to no cost. Classes or clubs can usually be found through your school, too.

You could do open mic nights for singing, playing, or reciting.

Pick-up games of basketball or baseball might be going on at your park or rec center.

I was surprised by the list of groups that meets at my local Half Price book store. Check them out.

A friend has a lot of luck meeting people by hanging around the coffee shop for hours on end. It is an expensive way to wait around, but it works!

You can also volunteer, which will look good on your applications and resumes.

Lastly, there are things they can do to decrease the scaring including microdermabrasion. Ask your dermatologist if it is bothering you.

Fairy Godmother

replied on September 7th, 2008

Supporter

I agree

I agree with worrywart01....Differin RULZ! Its the best for acne!

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