After three weeks of having fun and feeling good, my bf goes silent again. Breaking our weekend plans which is very common by now. I hate it, but I'm half the equation because I put up with it. My sister asked me, "what does he do and where does he go when he gets like that?" I told her I didn't know. She was curious if I ever drove by his house to see. I haven't and don't. Part of me doesn't want to know or be more hurt. She asked me why I don't ask him. I told her that I probably wouldn't believe him anyway. She said that's a heck of a relationship you've got there. I had to laugh. I'm in my early 40s. This relationship (3 yrs) is quite juvenial. But back to the original question, where do they go or retreat when they are feeling at odds? Are they out partying with friends, cooped up in their houses, watching tv or are they seeking a new partner? Just what the heck are they doing why we are wringing our hands waiting for our partner to return? It's all so strange. Writing this I feel stupid for hanging on. I guess I'm getting over him more and more.
I really don't know the answer. After 4 years of this nonsense you would think I would. I don't see him for weeks at a time, he doesn't answer the few calls or e-mails I send. It scares me and I always feel like he is up to no good with another woman. But he returns to me in short order like nothing changed. I had a girlfriend that'e husband is bipolar. She divorced him saying he constantly cheated on her over the internet and porn sites. That makes me ill to think thats what he is doing.
When mine "leaves me", meaning "it's over"- hours after saying "I love you", and with weekend plans- he sits at home in the dark, watches TV, goes for drives, looks at photos and makes himself even more depressed.
I do trust him, I do not think he is out with other women. He sincerely believes that the world is better off without him-me, his kids, family, everyone when he is "down".
He was diagnosed as bipolar but has never gone on medication or counseling after the diagnosis. The longest time he can manage himself was just recently 3 weeks- during that time, he really thought things through before he spoke. One time I felt it coming (you know what I mean), and he took a deep breath, put his hands on my face and said "we can work through this, I am not going to push you away". I cried at the thought that this might be IT! We can be past this, get some help and get back to our lives. But yesterday he loved me, and by last night, we need to cut all communication and get on with our lives without each other.
I don't know what it is. But I believe that constant care is very much necessary, regardless of how they feel, good or bad. Counseling and medication is mandatory. Because we are not going to fix them with all the caring and love in the world.
Wow its like you live my life. I hate it when he leaves and no communication. I know my would spend lots of money on nothing and drink. One time I called him he didnt know where he was. We have broken up so many times. When is gone I panic and pressure him and that makes it worse. Then I caught him on a dating web site. I pretended I was another girl he was all over it. But then he says how he loves me and wants to marry me. I am so hurt I love him and want him back but he hurts me to much. I dont think he is taking his meds. He is angry at me for going on the dating site. Its always double standards. I feel like he used me and never loved me. I tried to do what they said to do it diddnt work it got worse. No I am moving on and rebuilding my life.