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When to call it quits?

My husband and I have been together for 5 and a half years and have a four year old. My husband is very grounded, social, hansome, relatively succesful, and charming. He is ideal in every way, he does most of the cooking and helps keep the house and is a great dad. But we have a complete lack of intamacy together. During our relationship we have had sex on average about once a month or every two months. I feel extremely lonely with all of this apparent success with no intamacy and no joy. I fantasize everyday about living by myself so that I can make my own descitions again and have fun, and maybe persue a relationship that does have intamacy or just learn to live without it. but more than anything to get to know myself again. I feel perilized buy guilt of not spending enough time with my child, or doing enough to keep my home functioning, but ignoring my personal autonomy at the same time. My husband understands that we are drifting apart and I think he feels lonely too and wants more intamacy from me but does not know how to make it work. I have anxiety when I try to sleep at night and reject his very subltle advances of intamacy... and I hate my bedroom because I just want my own space something that I don't have to compromize. I want desparately for us to be able to grow together but I really don't have anyone with a long healthy relationship to turn to. To say, hey, this is normal, it will pass, you will feel sexy again. You will love him again, you can be a whole person and so can he, together. I don't want to punish him for not showing me love that way I thought he would, but I keep doning it. I don't know what to do
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replied December 16th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
You're married with a 4 year old. Once a month is pretty intimate. If you want more that's not unreasonable but there are limits of what you can expect. There's a whole lot going on in your marriage and none of it is you two not working out, or even more improtantly none of it is you two not trying. It really sounds like you're lost in this relationship and you need to get grounded in what you're doing. I'd strongly suggest you look into an analyst to help you sort out what's going on. I think having a better sense of self will put you in a better frame of mind to solve problems with your husband.
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replied December 18th, 2009
Community Volunteer
A woman can forget to remember the wonderful feelings of sex far too easy...Why can't you awaken him?...He is handsome and you wanted him once...It is not easy for a man to be rejected...They hurt...After a while many of them give up...Go after him...I can tell you and I know this for a fact that for a woman frequent sex begets frequent sex...I find you talking two ways...One wants more intimacy and the other side of you wants to be alone...OK, I have a long and healthy relationship...We have been married 51 years...You can read my profile on this...At this age we are still sexual at least twice every 10 days...What you are going through is normal and not normal at the same time...The thrill of being newly married is gone and you yearn for the romance of old...All these things are there, but it is up to you to find them again...Go back to your days of old and find that woman that you used to be and bring her forward...He can't do everything and it is up to you to pick up the slack....Honey, it's there...Find it....I send you my love....

Caroline
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replied December 18th, 2009
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You have the kind of a relationship that can be helped if you both are willing to work on it. What i mean by that is he isnt abusive or anything like that.
you have to talk to him and tell him how you feel. if he knows how you feel maybe he can do something about it. if he doesnt know maybe you two should see a marriage counselor.

buy lingerie at victoria secrets, or better yet Fredricks' of Hollywood (it's cheaper). see how you feel with a candle lite dinner, soft music and a sexy lingerie.
just try it!!!
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replied December 19th, 2009
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Your husband sounds like a great guy. We all go through stages in our lives where our sexual desires are up and down. My advice to you is to open communication about your feelings. One thing you don't want to do is neglect your hubby and push him away. My suggestion would be a sex therapist.
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