I would respect them for having the courage to be honest with me. It's not an easy thing to ask of someone and maybe they have taken into account the huge responsibility it really is. I wouldn't try to change their mind and I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. I would rather they still be in my child's life and on good terms while I am alive and well as well as if something happened to me. I would start thinking of alternate plans and ask them to let me know if they ever change their mind. Some people don't like to think about death at all let alone their own or someone that they love. Since your parents are deceased, maybe it is an especially touchy subject with them. But you can't know what would actually happen if something really did happen to you, no matter what they say about it now. If something were to actually happen to you, they may then decide to take the responsibility or they may not. If they don't want it, it's better for your children that they don't take them anyway. I would just say, okay, let me know if you change your mind and I respect your decision, then I'd do my best to get over it and find someone else. But that's just me.

It isn't me this is hypothetical, I'm lucky enough to have loving relatives who would not see my child go to foster care immediately after being orphaned.

I think its great you'd choose to allow them to remain in your life. But I ask on the premise that this person is strongly against ever taking your children in, even if not taking them in meant they'd be separated and put into the fostercare system.

You have to respect an honest answer from this person. Do you want the kids to be somewhere where they were not wanted 24/7/365??
This doesn't mean that your sibling doesn't love them or want them around but kids full time are a hard thing to handle and if the sibling is being honest then that should be respected.I think the sibling has no children for a reason and it isn't unreasonable for them to say thank you but no thank you...it isn't about $$,its about individual choice..and it doesn't mean the sibling doesn't love these kids,they just don't have any of here own for a reason I would imagine...

It isn't about me lol, this was actually from a different chat. But I'm asking if YOUR sibling was the ONLY other option to being put in foster care if your child was orhpaned and said no, they can't allow your child to live with them because they don't want children for a reason, what do you do?

Would what you do change if your situation were dire and your death were eminent?
What if your kid was 16? What if your child was 4?

I wouldn't take in my nieces or nephews, I love them with all of my heart and that's why I wouldn't take them in. I'm bi-polar, so is my husband, we both have a history of violence when stress (even on medication) and have both spent time in a mental hospital. I love them enough to know the harm I could do. My own parents were verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to me, I know the damage it can cause. I don't know how else to discipline without using violence, I also have extreme difficulty expressing emotions, especially affection or love. My niece and nephews would be better off in foster care with the hopes of adoption by a mentally normal couple then being raised by me.

Only exception would be if they were older teenagers were they could mostly take care of themselves or fight back if I got violent. I think then I could handle it better, nothing else I would pay for them to have an apartment nearby if thing got to bad with me. My brother came out (he's gay) when he was seventeen and did okay living by himself after my parents kicked him out. Lucky with my brood of siblings that would never be a problem. While we all suffer for a childhood of abuse and the lack of affection from our parents, most of them do not have the bi-polar/violence problems that I do. Nobody married anyone that is an only child except me, so there is family on the other side that could also step in. My parents are still alive but I doubt any court would grant them custody, long record of CPS being call in for abuse.

If it was me with the kids, I would respect their decision, not everyone is cut for kids. I find it hard to believe that a person wouldn't have a trusted friend or relative like a grand-aunt/uncle to children that couldn't care for them. The parent made the decision to have the child, not the sibling, it's not their responsibility to care for the children. Money is not everything, some people like their freedom, career, or simply enjoying quiet time without the distraction of children. Like I said, it may seem harsh, but the siblings did not make the decision to have that child. Why should they be strong-armed into doing something they never wanted in the first place, simply due to circumstace.

I wouldn't be offended, I would rather know my kids are going to a home where they are welcomed and nourished, rather then neglected. It wouldn't change my relationship at all, for example I wouldn't mind assisting every so often but it isn't something I could do permanently.

The fact that the person was honest with me, would make me have more respect for them. Maybe in the end run me or the other person in that position would change our minds but I would have to be in that position before I could make haste. Not just anyone is ready for kids regardless of how much money they have, their relation to you, age or sex.

I think there is a misconception here. Nobody is being strong armed into anything. Pretty much, now that your only sibling and as it turned out, the only person you would have trusted to take your children in their home upon your death has said "no" what is your next move? Don't think about the sibling think about what it is you would do for your kids in an attempt to prevent them from going to foster care if you died. How would you go about meeting and trusting non-family members to be guardian in your stead?

For me, personally, I'm involved with church and my daughter's godmother is a member of the church because I wanted her to have that connection there. They are like an extended family because there are so many people there who care a lot about children and have a lot of the same values I do (social justice, etc.). If I were stuck, I would probably go to them and ask.

Cool, in what ways would you go about getting to know them outside of church so that your child or children would familiarize themselves with them outside of a church setting?

I think godparents are a great idea and shouldn't just be limited to a religion but also in real life. It should be someone your familiar with and someone who maybe you caould spend a weekend with every month or so..

My parents use to shift me off to family one weekend every month, sometimes we went on trips, to the beach or even camping. everytime I went out it was usually with a different family member although, the majority of the time it was my grandmother.

I think making events were kids can have fun at the same time as potential guradians being there would be a great way for the kids to familiarize them selves with these people.

Excellent suggestion! I was thinking that was the best way to go about it.But of course you have to ask first how the feel about the prospect of being your child's guardian in case something happens to you so that you're not creating this bond with someone who wont do it and not leaving time to create a bond with someone who will do it.

PS In secular settings its a guardian, godparent is a very religious thing and doesn't always mean the person is the guardian just that they are responsible for the spiritual upbringing of the child in the church.