What to do about relationship Posted: 04-16-08 19:27pm
What to do
So another fight with significant other.
Looking for objective opinions. I got
upset with him because he was out with a
friend, and didn't tell me how long he
would be gone. He usually tells me when
he'll be home, etc. This time he didn't
and I upset. I felt he didn't tell me
because he didn't want to receive any
flack from me, so it was better to ignore
the whole situation. When I expressed my
feelings to him, he became very defensive,
and hurtful. I explained to him I could
care less if he was out all night, it's
just that out of respect and common
courtesy it would have been kind of him
just to let me know when he expected to be
home. He did not feel this was necessary,
and accused me of being paranoid.
He had a poor childhood, I think his mom
committed suicide,but he told me the other
day, he feels he has poor relationships
with women because of this.
I feel this post isn't making much sense,
but I'm starting to wonder if I'm in an
abusvive relationship. I am newly
divorced, and was seeing this man for
several yrs. prior to my leaving my X. I
found him to be very sweet, kind, and
sensitive something I lacked in my
marriage.
My problem is that I love to be connected,
have someone in my life. I don't know how
to be by myself. I don't have a social
network. That basically was gone once I
got married. Any advice would help. Thanks
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 04-17-08 14:01pm
How long have you been divorced? How long
have you been with this man? Were you
seeing him while you were still married?
Just a few questions to help me better
understand the situation.
I think he is using the whole mother thing
as an excuse. He was telling you before
when he would be home and now all of a
sudden he isn't telling you because he's
having issues? You should ask questions
like "why do you all of a sudden had
issues when before it was no problem?" I
would be a bit suspicious and watch his
behavior for a while.
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emailus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2008 Posts: 9
Posted: 05-27-08 17:36pm
Everyone would ideally love to be able to
come and go and do whatever we want
without having to report or answer to
someone else.
Can you find a "similar" situation where
it is the other way around.
Where "he" wants the courtesy of you
respecting or telling him what
you are doing or your timing/schedule. If
you can explain in terms
of mutual convenience to him when it's
your turn, then he might
appreciate what you are saying. It has to
be relevant to his
experience so he understands why it is so
annoying or
messes up your plans.
As for ocmmunication, yes, he may have
patterns leftover from
his mom. But you have your patterns and
faults and weaknesses too.
Again, can you both give and take, where
both of you have
weaknesses and also strengths. He appears
more independent than
you, can you agree that you will try to b
emore lik ehim and
he will try to be more like you, and
average out in the middle
instead of both you clinging to your
opposite extremes.
Can you find a way to both be more
moderate and meet in the middle
just to harmonize and balance each other.
I think you can work this out if you can f
orgive your differences,
and give and take where both of you tend
toward the opposite way.
Neither way is wrong it is just different
from the other!
It is good to learn from and balance yoru
differences.
You can gain a lot from each other this
way, it's good not bad!
Love and take care
Please don't be so hard on yourself or on
him
Everyone has their differences and it
always
takes work to iron out where these clash
That happens to the very best of us
even the most successful couples
Just do the best you can and a ppreciate
that you are different
Yours truly,
Emily
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Unifier
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 May 2008 Posts: 60 Location: London, UK
Thanks: 7
Thanked:9
Posted: 05-30-08 05:59am
you need a network of friends around you -
join a yoga/meditation group and meet
people there. i dont know about the
abusive thing he doesnt hit you does he?
its ok to have friends outside the
relationship. you need to trust he is not
doing dodgey stuff but he need to LISTEN
and REASURE you if you are worried.
calling you paranoid in NOT ON! don't be
angry with him that will get his back up
theres no such thing as perfect
good luck
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Unifier
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 May 2008 Posts: 60 Location: London, UK
Thanks: 7
Thanked:9
Posted: 05-30-08 06:01am
you need a network of friends around you -
join a yoga/meditation group and meet
people there. i dont know about the
abusive thing he doesnt hit you does he?
its ok to have friends outside the
relationship. you need to trust he is not
doing dodgey stuff but he need to LISTEN
and REASURE you if you are worried.
calling you paranoid in NOT ON! don't be
angry with him that will get his back up
