i was diagnosed with bipolar in march, 2008. the doctors have changed my meds so many times.. there just isnt anything that the doctor and I can find to bring me to b mellow.. im scared when i get severly depressed.. I dont have thoughts like "i wanna kill mysefl".. more of the lines that i wonder that if i were'nt around anymore, how many ppl would b better off without me.. Bipolar runns in both sides of my family.. Im just scared that my fiance will gettired of me being so depressed, or so damn manic... i feel like im loosing my mind. My phsch has put me on 1500mgs of depakote.. after the 6th day, i took it apon myself to stop that med. and take thoradizine.. it doesnt help to much anymore, and for sum reason, it makes me VERY manic.. the depakote makes me severly depressed.. so where or how do i get to meet in the middle??!! PLZ HELP!!