Hi, I am having problem telling whether or not my hymen is torn or not. The other day I was wiping downstairs in the bathroom and I noticed a very tiny piece of flesh hanging from my vulva, it doesn't hurt or anything.
Before I go more into this, i think you should know that, 1. I have never had proper sex before, only the tip was inserted once for less than a minute and I know for some people this is considered sex, but my point is, a penis has not entered my vagina yet. 2. I never bled downstairs, but once my boyfriend was holding me and I almost fell and when he caught me I felt a lot of pain downstairs like I was cut in half, I went to the bathroom to check right away if I was bleeding but there was no bleeding at all and the pain went away in a few minutes. 3. I masturbate but only externally and mostly through my underwear.
Lately I've been worrying about whether or not I'm still a virgin, I'm 20 and I do want to stay a virgin and I don't feel ready at all to lose my virginity. So I checked pictures of broken hymen online then I went to check my own and it looked nothing like the pictures, I just need help clarifying what I saw.
I couldn't see an opening at all, I saw 2 thick pieces of skin oposite sides to each other and when I try to separate them, I still don't see a hole and they are a bit hard to separate cause they're too close. I pressed with my fingers on the outside (more like edge) of my vagina to see more clearly what's inside and the pieces of flesh kinda popped out a bit and when I separated them, I saw another layer of pink-ish flesh, I was too scared to go deaper than that cause I don't want to break my own hymen in case it was still intact. Again, I saw no opening, I saw where my discharge come from cause there was a bit of discharge but even there, I couldn't see a proper opening. Can you please explain to me what I saw and why it doesn't look like any of the pictures I've seen before, and the possibility of my hymen being the broken?
Because the thing is, I know that either ways if I had sex, the person will be able to tell that its my first time, because it will be my first time. But I nonetheless want to be able to look the person I really love in the eye and be able to tell him that he's going to be the one I'm losing my virginity to. (I know that you probably think that since the tip of the penis enetered me a bit, that means that I'm not a virgin, but that was a mistake I've made that I'm done regretting, and for us, virginity is mainly about the hymen)
I'm sorry for the very long post, any help or input would be highly appreciated. Thank you very much!!
Your virginity is not determined by your hymen. So for starters separate the two issues.
Your vagina is flat when you are not aroused. You will not see a hole, the walls colapses onto itself like the fire hose without water in it on a fire truck. You need to look after masturbation to see it in its aroused state. Then you should be able to see the 'tube' that makes up the vagina.
At 20 your hymen, or whatever is left of i,t is very very elastic. A little bit of poking, prodding and your finger should not damage it at all. It is so elastic that a doctor cannot tell if a woman is using tampons or not from looking at her hymen. This is thanks to the estrogen surge you had during puberty.
It sounds like you might have (or had) a septate hymen? The fleshy bridge part can tear and hang down like you are describing. A septate hymen is considered an abnormal hymen. It forms that way because it did not fully open. Normal development will cause a single hole. This is not an issue - please pay no attention to the fact I called it abnormal. The hymen is a useless piece of mucus membrane that have no purpose after birth. It is just a remnant of your fetal development in your mother's womb.
It sounds like you still have a pretty much intact hymen. But do not have unreasonable expectations. A lot of women never bleed or have pain when the hymen is torn.