Kodiakgirl, orgasms with your hubby is probably going to be fairly easy for you if you want to try, seeing that you know how to orgasm. Unfortunately very few women are prepared for the reality of sex where anatomy and physics makes it unlikely that our clitorises get sufficient stimulation during partner sex. So it comes as a big surprise that what the entertainment media dish up as sex is fake.
You can try one of three things:
1) bring your clit massager out during intercourse. When he enters you from behind or a position where your legs are in the air normally works well for this. You (or he) can also use your fingers in place of the massager.
2) you on top gives you a chance to change the direction, depth, speed and angle and grind down on him to stimulate your clitoris. There is also nothing that say you should go up and down. You can rock forwards and backwards (or sideways or in a circle) while leaning forward to keep your clitoris in touch with his body and rub it that way. (And it is also easy to use your massager in this position)
3) there is a specialized position called coital alignment technique (C.A.T.) that are almost guaranteed to give you an orgasm (often simultaneous). Since you are married, it might work wonders as it it normally not suited for short term sex partners. It is somewhat difficult to explain here so just google it.
Of course there is also nothing wrong with just keeping on satisfying yourself and just use intercourse for intimacy and to please him.
Depressed,the problem is not you. It is whomever gave you the idea that you should just be able to orgasm without any work during intercourse. Of the woman that are having intercourse:
20% orgasm with no extra effort
30% orgasm with extra effort
50% does not orgasm because they have not figured out that it needs extra effort.
You are currently part of the latter 50%. There is absolutely no reason why you should stay frustrated and unfulfilled during intercourse.
So what is this 'extra effort' that is required? It is stimulating your clitoris. Your clitoris does not get enough stimulation during sexual intercourse. That is because of anatomy and the physics of sexual intercourse.
You can try one of three things:
1) Massage your clitoris during intercourse. When he enters you from behind or a position where your legs are in the air normally works well for this. You (or he) can use fingers or a small massager on your clitoris.
2) When you are on top, it gives you a chance to change the direction, depth, speed and angle and grind down on him to stimulate your clitoris. There is also nothing that say you should go up and down. You can rock forwards and backwards (or sideways or in a circle) while leaning forward to keep your clitoris in touch with his body and rub it that way. (And it is also easy to use your massager in this position)
3) there is a specialized position called coital alignment technique (C.A.T.) that are almost guaranteed to give you an orgasm (often simultaneous). This is not suitable for short term sexual encounters or one night stands as it takes some work and a change in style. It is somewhat difficult to explain here so just google it.
Three other things can help:
1) Use personal lubricant and top it up when you dry out,
2) Increase the penis-in-vagina time. This rather than extended foreplay has a direct effect on your ability to orgasm,
3) You can have an orgasm befor he enters you or get close to it. It is important that there is not a long break in stimulating you and going over to intercourse.
Remember that intercourse have added responsibility for you as you must protect yourself from pregnancy (unless you are TTC), STDs and infections.
The Erocilator vibrator that carry Dr Ruth's seal of approval actually started life as an electric toothbrush. When returns spiked, the founder of the company realized that women were using it, but not for brushing their teeth with ..... And the fantastic but expensive Erocilator was born.
How about your trusty fingers and hand. That is how the overwhelming majority of women masturbate.
Common massagers found in most department stores and pharmacies
The water shower head or faucet.
Dildos and ben wa balls
Small bottles or brush handles. Make sure they are clean, smooth, cannot break/chip/splinter and can be removed again.
Vegetables (use a condom over them)
Some women can think themselves to an orgasm, or squeeze their thighs together for an orgasm, or rub their breasts and nipples for an orgasm.
Use your imagination and make sure everything is clean, smooth, no sharp edges or splinters, can be removed and will not break inside you.
I've not heard anyone mention oral sex. This can be a great way to involve a partner while reaching orgasm if you haven't had an orgasm before. My girlfriend had only ever been able to have an orgasm by masterbating -- until she had oral sex. Even then, we had to be together long enough for me to figure out exactly what she liked/needed.
Like one of the earlier forum posters, direct contact with her clitorus was too intense for her until right at the very moment of climax. For her, it took a long slow buildup of sensation around her vaginal opening and then along the outside of her clitoral hood. I had to learn how to read her body language such as the physical response of her body movements, release of fluids, changes in breathing, hardening of nipples, and clitoral engorgement. There are some signs, but I think everyone is a little different in what they need to get there.
During arousal, tension, energy and stress will build up in your body and genitals. Your heart rate and breathing will increase dramatically. This is often described as 'beautiful agony'. During orgasm, all of this are released at once in a series of waves, sending contractions and heat throughout your body. This can last from around 3 seconds to about 15 seconds.
During orgasm, feel good hormones are released into your brain and blood stream, making you feel relaxed and good. Your brain may also 'switch off' for a short period of time while these hormones are released. This is described as a 'trance' like state when you go from aroused to orgasm.
When you get close to orgasm and during orgasm, you may experience involuntary spasms in the muscles in your body. After orgasm, your heart rate, breathing and blood flow will return to normal. After a while, the sudden drop of the feel good hormone levels in your body may make you feel guilty and slightly depressed a while later.
Kristi, you seem to be very knowledgeable and I've appreciated reading your posts. I sound like a pre-teen asking this, but... I'm well, *not* in my teens anymore (nowhere close, actually), and don't believe I've ever experienced orgasm. A combination of horrifically religious/uptight/judgmental parents, violent sexual assault by my first serious boyfriend, followed by boyfriends who went from never trying to make me come, graduating to boyfriends who got impatient or even angry and literally yelling at me, for not climaxing (most, while still doing nothing to facilitate) and I've built up quite a complex about it. I enjoy sex very much and am quite easily aroused, but just can't orgasm (including with finger manipulation and/or oral sex). I'm now dating a great guy and he really wants me to orgasm, although I'm of course reading it as performance pressure rather than support.
I'm wanting to finally break through via masturbation, which I've tried a few dozen times in my life without success (I'd try more, except with my not climaxing, it feels like even more pressure on myself). I have the Eroscillator vibrator and can quite easily get riiiiight up to the point of being "on the fence" with that insanely intense pressure in my genitals, all my butt/leg muscles totally tensed -- but I just... can't... get to that actual release. I stay in this eyes-crossed tensed-muscle state for as long as I can stand, maybe a full minute or two; but then I'm finally overstimulated and just have to stop and come back down panting and sweating, but never making it through that barrier.
My question is -- do you have any tips, suggestions, on how to facilitate going from juuust before orgasm, to actually releasing? It's like my body just needs a roadmap -- I feel like if I did it once, I'd be a machine. But -- anything? What does it feel like? What can I do to push myself over the edge that first time?
Ive always givin myself orgasm startin at a young age(love emm)but men could neva do it for me, the man im with now gives emm to me all the time but iv noticed that ther different from the 1's i give myself. They feel like farts coming from my vagina tho releasing evrything and it feels amazing,does any1 else orgasm feel that way when havin sex or r we all different when it comes to that?
There are three nerve stems involved in carrying sexual stimulus to your brain. Your vagina and clitoris are connected to different nerve systems. It can thus feel different, and it can involve different parts of your brain.
During intercourse there are also a range of other thing going on around you. Not the least being a penis inside your vagina around which your vaginal muscles will contract. All this will change your feeling.
It is not your partner's job to 'give' you an orgasm. Your orgasm is your own responsibility, just like his orgasm is his responsibility. He does not have a vagina or a clitoris, and has no idea on what will finally make you orgasm (which can differ from sexual to sexual encounter). He is there to help you orgasm with your help. You need to tell and show him how he can help you to orgasm. A big part of your orgasm is your brain, something he cannot control. If you have a partner with whom you have difficulty to orgasm, stick your fingers down there and rub like you do during masturbation. This is the normal way most women orgasm during intercourse, That, or changing your position and technique to give your clitoris the stimulation it needs to bring you to orgasm.
Okay I got a question. When you orgasm does your whole body get really hot and your hips buck? Because all I know is that I've read this whole thing and still don't get the whole orgasm thing. I just want to know if when you orgasm if your hips are suppose to buck and it feels like your...down there...has a pulse..?
Is this what you experience? What you describe, sounds like an orgasm.
Using the word 'supposed' creates the impression that there is just one way that you orgasm. That is not true.
Of course most women will experience slight variations. It can even vary every time. Some orgasms are HUGE mind blowingly good, some can be feint tremors that will put a smile on your face. Sometimes you will not even get one, or wonder if you had an orgasm.
The hip bucking is from the energy and tension building up in the muscles. They will spasm when you get close to orgasm as the tension becomes unbearable. The pulsing is the orgasmic contractions.
What do you experience when you orgasm and how do you feel afterwards?
No,what you are describing sounds like it. The tired feeling is because of the feel good hormones being secreted in your brain. It will relax you and make you sleepy.
You can try different ways of masturbating, on your back, sitting, standing, 'doggy', kneeling, on your belly, in the bath, in the shower, in a chair with your legs up or down, with straight legs or bent knees, on your side, with a hand shower or faucet. You can also try to keep yourself at the point just before orgasm for a while. Just rub lighter or somewhere else and return to your clitoris after a little while. If you keep yourself in that highly aroused state for a while, it can improve the pleasure from your orgasms drastically.
You can also just continue to stimulate yourself and get a few orgasms in quick succession. Some women get too sensitive to continue right away, so you might have to give it a few seconds before continueing. Inserting something in your vagina before orgasm can also improve the quality of your orgasm. It makes you feel 'filled up' and gives the muscles something to contract against. If you are still a virgin and protecting your hymen is important, do not insert anything into your vagina during masturbation.
In general: The build up to the orgasm is a build up of tension, stress and energy in your body. The orgasm is the release of this tension and energy. This will happen in waves of heat and pleasure radiating out from your genitals and a feeling of relief and well being. You should be able to feel the contractions with your finger at the vaginal opening or by resting a finger tip on your anus.
During an orgasm, your body can shake and clench. Your hips can move due to muscles spasms in your legs.
Typically the build up phase will have your body contracting inwards, while orgasm will open your body and make it arch 'outwards'.
You can always continue to use the vibrator and see what happens if you are not sure. In general, if you are happy and relaxed after masturbation, the chances are good you had an orgasm. If you are feeling hot, bothered and frustrated, you did not orgasm.
I dont feel happy after, but I also don't feel hot and bothered. I do feel calm after, but there's no moment of bliss, I guess. All of my muscles shudder, and it feels good, but there's no huge release that I've often heard about. Does an orgasm necessarily have a mental component, or is this just for some people? Also, after this flooding of heat, my clit gets super sensitive, and I have to wait a few minutes, but then I can go back and make it happen again. The second or third time it gets a little harder, though. This is what makes me think it's not an orgasm, but I'm just not sure.
It sounds like an orgasm. The time you have to wait before stimulating yourself again is called the refractory period. Only some women have this, others can just go on and on.
You can try to keep yourself for a longer period at that point just before you orgam. Move the vibrator to some other body part, ot play with your breasts for a few seconds and then continue. Doing this for a while will increase the intensity.
Your brain is an active participant in your orgasm. Those thousands and thousands and thousands of nerve endings in your clitoris and the rest of your genitals end up in around three areas of your brain. When these signals gets so overwhelming that your brain cannot cope with it any more, it will 'trip out' and allow your body to orgasm. Your brain will literally shut down for a second or two while the feel good hormones are released in your brain and blood stream. You can read something or watch something before you masturbate to increase your arousal. Stay at the aroused state for as long as possible before allowing yourself to push you over the edge to orgasm.
It can also help if you tighten your muscles. So do not totally relax, but keep your thigh and leg muscles tightened. For example, if you are lying on your back, arch your body up on your heels and shoulders, or put a pillow or something between your knees or thighs and squeeze. Or kneel upright to give your thigh muscles something to do during masturbation, or squat. Anything that will force your thighs to take some of your body weight and keep those muscles tightened will help.
The combination of concentrating with your mind on the feelings in your body, and trying to increase and increase and increase these feelings, and building tension in your muscles are essential for an orgasm. The other option is just to be passive and allow the vibrator to power you through the arousal and plateau phases of your sexual response, and force you to orgasm at the end. This is however part of the cause of weaker orgasms.
As a sixteen year old girl, I have a boyfriend of two months and a finicky sex drive. When he wants to make out on my couch, I'd rather curl and watch TV. However, when I'm all alone I think about how excited he gets when I DO cave into his flirting and we start grinding and whatnot *blushes* I get all wet and sticky and all that... Well he always leaves soon after, because of his curfew, and gives us both blue balls. He always jokes that I can finish when he leaves, but I've tried and I can't. I rub and finger and massage and touch, but it's really not the same as grinding on his hard-on through his pants... I guess I have two questions...
One, am I going to just spontaneous have an orgasm while I'm fooling around with him? Cause it always feels so good and I feel like I'm so excited I could pass out. (Also we have a very strong sexual tension and it does wonders for our relationship)
Two, is it normal for me to really want to see his pleasure rather than my own, and when he wants to make me happy in return I get turned off by the idea? (As a normal teen I'm supposed to want it too right? Why don't I?)
Oh and by the way, I have read this entire thread, and the one young girl who had hers in the jacuzzi... Did she make any of you older women feel insecure? Cause being only 4 years older, I felt embarrassed cause with all my effort I haven't gotten any results:( And I was passed up by some 12-yr-old with some bubbles and hot water...
"Oh and by the way, I have read this entire thread, and the one young girl who had hers in the jacuzzi... Did she make any of you older women feel insecure?"
The best part of being an "older woman" is that we do not feel embarrased or insecure by what other people experience. It is something that you will outgrow when you grow up.
Try some "bubbles and hot water" yourself. The chances are very good that it will blast you to an orgasm, as will a hand shower or water from your bath faucet, or a massager.
There is not a quota of orgasms available every day, and if somebody else used up the quota, you cannot have your own orgasm. The number of orgasms in the world is limitless every day. There will always be one more (or two or three or four or more) available for you to have, whenever you want to. So do not feel jealous, embarrased or insecure. Rather look after yourself and learn about your body, sexual response and orgasms. Learn to be happy and secure with your own body and how it looks and feels. Learn to love yourself as a sexual being. Humans are after all sexual beings. Our existence depends on it.
I don't think I have ever had a orgasm, but it's weird I get this feeling when I am on top lying down but it only lasts a few seconds but what people describe as a orgasm
It's nothing like that I need help?
im fifteen, and just had a baby. ( not to wise, i know.) but me and my boyfriend had been gettin it on for like a year and a half, and notthiiiiiing. except pregnancy.
i thought maybe once i got pregnant, it would be easier to climax.
it still, did not come.
Finally, a few days ago, i got curious with my retractable shower head. It has pulsate ((:
I held it directly over my clit while laying in the tub. OMG, after two minutes my head started to get light,
and this amazing feeling rushed in from my legs all through my body, it was amazing,
then my vag started pulsating, an zap.
its great, but you gotta get there by yourself, before anyone else can get there for you.
I'm 13 and I've hade a couple of orgasms, at first you get a funny feeling and then after a second or two you start breathing heavy and getting hot all of a sudden. When you orgasm you feel like you're about to pee, just keep going. It feels like your vagina is having a hard pulse, and it normally lasts five to seven seconds. But after I have an orgasm or I masturbate, I feel really guilty and bad that I've done that...should I feel like that?