Alzheimer Disease Forum - What do you do for Fathers Day

Conditions and Diseases > Alzheimer Disease Forum > What do you do for Fathers Day

Alzheimer's disease is a brain disorder that causes dementia. But what causes Alzheimers? What signs can you look for?...

Q: What do you do for Fathers Day

asked by: kdlee on June 3rd, 2009

Supporter

And the time keeps rolling by without a change
(This is for my dad he has Alzhemiers and Parkinsons) I wrote this seeing through my moms eyes..KD

What do you do when yesterday stays the same and you no longer share that space

When the music plays and you don’t hear the sound

When he dances with another and your face causes him pain as he may glimpse a time best not talked about

When everything today is yesterday and the memories stuck in the same

He dances to his own music a sound that he alone seems to hear

And at times sheds a tear as a question on his face appears

You wonder does he remember the life that you once shared

If you could only dance to his music the sound locked in his mind the music that brings him such joy

But, you watch from the corner as he smiles to another and they dance as though they have a lifetime but have just met

They share a secret world that wipes away the past and they live for today in their dance

What do you do when memory is wiped away and you must accept this living loss?

Can you let go and move on with your life, questions crowd your heart and mind

How can you dance to a tune you don’t hear and live with someone who no longer knows you are there?

Do you watch the dance one last time and bid your farewell to a love that no longer cares

What do you do when yesterday stays the same and you no longer share that space.

You walk away from the ballet taking place and the new love between the pair..

Fleetingly his eyes glance at you and empty eyes smile to you the stranger

He dances with his new romance for new memories of them to share.

They have forgotten their yesterday and their today just a song away.

But, you watch from the corner as he smiles to another and they dance as though they have a lifetime but have just met

They share a secret world that wipes away the past and they live for today in their dance

What do you do when memory is wiped away and you must accept this living loss?

You shed your own tears and sorrows for yesterday as you relinquish your past for today

You will always have a love affair with the memory of one who dances and the sadness for the disease that took him away

What do you do when memory is wiped away and you must accept this living loss?

When everything today is yesterday and the memories are stuck in the same you must also learn a new dance.

Replies(14)

breck08

replied on June 4th, 2009

Supporter

kdlee, very touching poem. I work with Alzheimer patients. Every day is a new experience at work. They very much are aware of everything going on around them. Its confusing but they do understand. They are lost in the yesterday and time is not recalled very easily at all in the present. My patient is aware of Father's Day coming because I put a dry erase on the wall and I write upcoming events as well as putting the date and year. My advice to anyone is treat any loved one suffering with such a disabling disease just like any other. They love the fuss. Smile

I wish you the best. Anytime you would like some hints let me know. Everyday when I go to work its like a new adventure. I absolutely love my job!

kdlee

replied on June 5th, 2009

Supporter

Good Morning, Thank you and I appreciate your post..I wish my dad understood then there wouldn't have been the dance I mentioned above..We did do the board and pictures, reminders, tape recordings, memory book and tales of his yesteryear..We keep tabs on his medications, general health and well being or at least my sister who is an ICU RN tacks meds..Dad no longer recognizes anyone..Or, if he does he has chosen to move on..Either way he has a new love and the family still visits often but change or recognition isn't there..He has bouts of anger bursts at everyone including the new interest..But, where he is has become familiar and is the home he knows..I am thankful for medical staff like you who do love their jobs--you are few and far between..i have worked within the medical field for over 18 years now and not everyone should be in this field..If you think of anything, please, just let me know..

JavaMissus

replied on June 5th, 2009

Moderator

kd...That is just beautiful...As you age you live in fear...My mind is so alert and I am constantly watching for signs with my husband...I don't know if I could handle this if this happened...I watched the movie "The Notebook"...I believe this was the name of it and it haunted me...I don't know, but I think we would not let it go that far...We have come this far in life together and there it would end...

breck08

replied on June 5th, 2009

Supporter

Kdlee, You are correct not everyone belongs in the medical field. It saddens me how some are treated. I have been in the medical field for off and on for 20 years now. Working with Alzheimer patients is probably the hardest area I have been in. It takes so much patience, self control, and well the love of human mankind. It sounds like your dad is in stage 6? The best advice I can give is when he has anger outburst, stop and calmly change the subject. It doesnt always work but mostly does. Never get defensive back. They will fight harder. Have you ever noticed after an outburst he might get really quiet and then overly apologetic or nice? They know their mind isnt working right and they get to a point to where they dont understand. It is so sad and it breaks my heart. It is the moments when I let mine talk about the past that makes up for any outburst. The passion in their voice just recalling things. The tears I watch when they dont realize a love one has passed away. Also, it has been my experience that late afternoons usually are their best times. I know this may differ from others but I find when they get through the morning and lunch and take a nap when they awake its like they have a book to write. I did have one patient that I literally sat with talking in the wee hours of the morning. It just depends. I know exactly what your family is going through and although I havent faced it myself in my own family, I do sympathize with those that are watching a loved one so crippling in mind, body, and soul. Take each day as a new beginning. You never know when on a visit he might have that 5 or 10 minute window where he knows exactly who you are?

kdlee

replied on June 5th, 2009

Supporter

Thank you..I do watch for those moments..They have been gone for sometime-but like you said anytime could be that day when a light comes on again..

Caroline I saw that movie..It also reminds me of my dad..I was so glad really to have seen that movie, to see where my dad is to be where they have dances, to see him though confused begin anew it was amazing..I guess watching people as I have all these years-mostly as self preservation when yonger it hs opened my eyes..To dance to your own music can and is a beautiful thing..thanks..

breck08

replied on June 5th, 2009

Supporter

You could find his favorite song and on Fathers Day have your dance. Music brings back good memories. If he doesnt recognize you he does remember his name. Ask him for a dance. The Notebook is up there with one the my most favorites.

kdlee

replied on June 5th, 2009

Supporter

Now you know how to make someone cry bright and early..I just may do it..Will let you know..If you don't mind would like to add you as a friend to talk with time to time..

I guess anyone who has a family member with this terrible disease wonders could I be next..If it is to happen to me then I want to go like my dad..I want to hear a song and fall in love again, if you think about it in that way then without all the terror and fear in between it is a new beginning until death takes us and in the end there is only that, someday..

I look at what I wrote and tears come again as I can see the pain it would cause my special friend he would hurt and he would cry but he knows to walk away
we have talked that if this happens to me then he is free to fly..

He would never leave me when it's the body that is in pain but to lose ones thoughts of a past life and a loved one is so hard to bare..I would kiss him good bye and he knows he would be free I couldn't hang on with what I have seen..

So we both from the outer corners of our minds watch for hints and go on with life..If it happens then he will be free to fly and I to dance like my dad..I hope I would have the guts to assit him in finding a new mate to love for life--that is my hope now it's just wait and see..
kd

breck08

replied on June 5th, 2009

Supporter

Awwww it wasnt my intention to make you cry. I know how difficult it must be to watch your father go through this. My heart bleeds for you. Thank you for adding me as a friend. I will do the same. Most definitely if you ever have a question or want to chat drop me a line. Smile

Tarimisu

replied on June 9th, 2009

Experienced User

This is beautiful! You truely do love your father and you care about his pain and struggles. He is surely blessed to have a daughter like you.
God bless!
(Sorry I didn't get to this until now... Smile

)

kdlee

replied on June 9th, 2009

Supporter

Thanks hon I am glad you had a chance to read this..I hope that this helps others see it is ok if you need to move on..You will never lose the one you love but that person I see is a shell and this person in front of you looks like the one you knew but only on the outside..KD

dadspride

replied on June 9th, 2009

New User

I just joined this forum today. I liked the poem a lot too. I am just looking for a place to chat with others who really do understand what we are going through. I am the youngest of 8 and my father lives with me. My siblings do not have any contact with our father for various reasons but the main is that if they don't see or talk to him they don't have to face what is happening to him. It is just me and a friend caring for dad around the clock while we both work full time. It gets very difficult at times but I can't imagine not being there for the man who has always been there for me. Because of the family dynamics I hesitate to celebrate fathers day. I fear that he will become upset because no one else will call or stop to see him. On the other hand I want him to have a day where we celebrate him. Then his birthday is a week later, will that be a happy or hurtful thing for him?

kdlee

replied on June 10th, 2009

Supporter

My dad's birthday is Memorial day--thats yucky in itself.lol But, he had a good time..Made him a cake--I had ordered him a weather station type thing as he loves the weather..So I took him a pciture of what to expect to be mailed to him..No one else was there but he still smilled..For him the attention was there..Whether or not he understood who I was-right then didnt matter..I'm here honey whenever you wanna talk..KD

Tarimisu

replied on June 10th, 2009

Experienced User

That's so true. Keep holding on, you're doing really well. God has blessed you with your father... he cared for you, now it's your turn. Smile

I do think that you're blessed with writing skills as well.
*wink*

kdlee

replied on June 10th, 2009

Supporter

I can see God Working in you as well Tarimisu..Thank you..kd

Learn About Us

Get Help

Join In

Do More

We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.

The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made. Schizophrenia health sitemap.
This page was last updated on January 1, 2009.
© 2008 eForums, Inc