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whacked out boyfriend

One year ago this month I started talking to a guy by phone. We talked by phone for a month. After that we started dating. And so now, its been a year but now we are broken up. He broke my heart after I told him not to. He had crossed the line when he had shared something with his sister about me. That broke my heart when he told me. That had left me with the question, where do we go from here? Apparently there were trust issues with him. During our time together he has went missing several times. The first time he went missing a report was filed. After a week or two, I believe it was, he showed back up. His family, mom, says that he does it periodically. So that is suspicious to me. He has done several times while we dated. Well, back in May this year, I sent him a college graduation invitation and said he would be there. I had seen him one week before that. He said he got a call from a girl saying I did not want him to be there. Oh, bull, you're making that up, I was thinking. Well I guess it could have been true. Who knows. So I have been walking on eggshells with him since the beginning. He didn't show up for graduation. You would think he would have called me to see if it was true or not. He didn't bother to call. During this time he went missing again for several months this time. I heard from him on July 3rd and that has been the very last time. He has left me confused and my heart broken since he has not acknowledged any of my facebook messages and give me an answer as to why he wanted to leave me. He was my first real date. I am 31. So my heart is very broken. I have been driven crazy where it fills my head all the time that he doesn't care to be with me no longer. I don't know what I did or said that made him treat me this way. I know I deserve much better than him but I find it hard to let go. I think he may have been unhappy, for some reason or other. I just don't know what went wrong. I know if I am having trust issues with him, then I know I need to forget him. I am just tyring to get past this, just not sure how?? My heart has been played with and that is unacceptable. He doesn't talk to me anymore and I don't know why and it drives me nuts trying to figure him out. I took a chance and now a year later he has left me empty Sad I miss having someone to do things with and it is just irritating that he is this way.
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replied October 18th, 2011
Experienced User
Honey, this man is not worth your time. Like you said yourself, you deserve better. Never forget that. He's gone missing, possibly has been with other women, and shared secrets of yours with others? Sounds like a loser to me. Perhaps this man is a "jumper", as I like to call them. They go from woman to woman just like that, because they get bored with relationships or feel they're not getting enough. I can tell you one thing though. It's never personal. Men like that 99 percent of the time have their own issues going on and make up for it by dating a gazillion people. Move on from this man. He's obviously moved on and so do you. I know it hurts, but there is someone out there for you. Someone that will only love you and will have your trust. I hope this helped and best of luck.
Lylan
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replied October 18th, 2011
Active User, very eHealthy
I agree with most of what Lylan states, but I do not think it is necessary to speculate what type of man he is (the "jumper" comment), as we do not know the real reasons behind his actions. He may in fact be doing that from women to women, but there are a myriad of possibilities as to why he does that. Some people have just experienced things in life that may require them to deal with stress by requiring space in the form of isolation, or traveling, and so on. If even his mother states that it has been a habit of is, I can't quite say it is as simple as jumping from women to women if he really does go off the charts to everybody. Either way, I think it would be unhealthy to speculate on this since it is negative in nature (without having any solution to it).

Instead, just focus on the fact that you are unhappy with the situation. This must be exceptionally hard on you given that this has been your first real experience with somebody, but it is imperative that you understand that this is not something you should settle for. The reason why divorce rates are so high nowadays is because the individuals themselves that partake in what was suppose to be a very serious matter, were too immature/incomplete for the commitment required. You should find yourself a man, no matter how hard it may be to stay single/uncertain, whose personality and existence in your life, you do not have to question, and never have to make a desperate post asking random people in a forum.

On a final note, I do not think he should be reprimanded for telling his sister a secret of yours. Everybody has failed to keep secrets and some point so this isn't something anybody can judge on since we know as a result that it isn't always black and white about whether or not some things should be kept. Family is also much stronger than friends or love interests, so I can't say he was in the wrong.
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