Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Went away to uni...doesnt care anymore?

Ive been really good friends with this guy for about 3.5 years now! We've always had feelings for eachother (more than just friends) but, never really had the chance to act on them! (because we were never single at the same time) We used to talk and text all the time. Just before he left for university this year, we ended up going on a few (unofficial) dates, and holding hands in a more than just friends way!

When he left for university, he promised we'd speak on MSN, and keep in touch until he came home! As soon as he left for university, he started bragging to me that all the girls thought he was 'hot' and referred to him as a 'sex god'.He bragged to me about how this girl kept hitting on him and stuff. I got really upset but tried to not let it bother me! We kept in touch and stuff via facebook really well at first! But then he stopped replying to my messages! I got really upset because ALL his 'tagged'pictures were of him hugging random girls and stuff!

When he came home to visit for a weekend, we went out for coffee. But he acted really rudley. For most of the time we were out he kept bragging about how many girls liked him, and how many gay men even hit on him in nightclubs! I was really upset by this and spent the entire time trying not to cry!

A few weeks later, we were speaking on MSN and it came up in conversation how we'd always liked each other as more than just friends! I told him i still liked him as more than just a friend, and he said he felt the same way, and it was "the whole uni thing".

Two days later i went on his facebook to see what he'd been up to, and i noticed he'd been flirting with this girl ('kate')! ifelt really upset and hurt. I felt angry too, that id messaged him since and he hadnt replied to me Sad but had replied to all of 'kates' comments. I messaged him telling him i felt a bit upset at being ignored,and asked him to let me know if everything was okay.But he ignored me again!

When he came home for christmas, i asked if we were still going to hangout like we planned. He said, he didnt know if it was a good idea, and said it was maybe best to have some 'space'. I felt really and truly hurt. I didnt bring up the idea of hanging out again.

He spoke to me just before he went back to uni, and was pretty 'normal' with me! I thought everything was okay, and we'd be able to continue being good friends. But when he went back to uni i IM'd him, and he was really cold and distant:( i didnt understand why! I hadnt done anything! I went on his facebook and noticed all his pictures were of him and kate making out. I then noticed his facebook was set to 'in a relationship with...kate'.

I was physically sick, and didnt sleep or eat properly for a week. I deleted him off my msn /facebook/phone. I didnt speak to him for two weeks. But last week he text me, i didnt reply. A few days later he emailed me asking how i was. I readded him to my msn, ( i dont know why) and he spoke to me nicely, and was really friendly. He asked if id been avoiding him, and why i was ignoring his texts! (i felt upset because he'd been ignoring me for weeks)!

He's still 'in a relationship' with kate.
Since speaking to him ivejust felt, angry about the whole scenario. Im hurt and angry that hes with her! and that he ignored me, and didnt care abut my feelings.
I really wanna be friends with him still, but, i just Sad feel so sad about it all.

Im trying to think about other things and get him off my mind, but i just cant! I feel angry one minute, then im crying the next! I dont understand WHY he started acting cold and stuff when he went away! I dont understand, why he gottogethe with kate, after telling me he liked me Sad! and idont understand why he ignores me one week and is fine with me the next. I feel like im going crazy!

I just dont know what to do.
I dont know why i hurt so badly, and why its all i can thinkabout.
ivetried cutting him out and not speaking to him, but i cant Sad because i miss himSO much when i do.

Sad i just dont know what to do
or howto feel better
i think im broken SadSad!!!!!!
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replied February 11th, 2009
Supporter
I think you need to let him go. Even if everything were going fine and he wasn't seeing Kate, what kind of relationship could you have? Do you think either of you would be happy only seeing one another on vacations and texting/ emailing the rest of the time? I think he wants to be your friend, possibly a friend with benefits, if you know what I mean. But it sounds like you want more from him than friendship. If it hurts you so much to hear him talk about other girls, then you need to stay away from him until you get over him. Otherwise, you're just torturing yourself needlessly.
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replied February 11th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
I agree with deteragram......Just let him be and find someone who cares about you.....Stop beating yourself up about it...it's not your fault he i like this...Jenny
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replied February 11th, 2009
Experienced User
Hi Melissa Smile

I really don't think this guy is worth your time. He sounds quite arrogant and rude to me to be honest. When and how often you both talk seems to be very much on HIS terms, when HE feels like it - he gets all het up when you ignore him, yet he seems to find nothing wrong with doing the same to you.
He is also blowing hot and cold - interested one minute, and apparently couldn't care less the next. That isn't your fault, it is his problem.

Hun, I think you should let this guy go, he has hurt you enough. Imagine if you were in a relationship, and things were the same? You would still be feeling just as hurt and confused. It would also be a long-distance relationship, would you be able to cope with only seeing him every so often? If he can't be honest with you, and is just going to mess you around then you should let him go.

Quote : "Ijust dont know what to do.
I dont know why i hurt so badly, and why its all i can thinkabout.
ivetried cutting him out and not speaking to him, but i cant because i miss himSO much when i do."

I understand sweetie, I've been there recently also. It does hurt, but it WILL pass. Just give yourself some time and get out there and find someone who will treat you with respect and honesty.
Chin up hun, and good luck.
Grey.
x
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replied March 2nd, 2009
Friends stick by friends. If he said he didn't want to hang out with you while in the same town, after being away for so long. He's not worth your time. Find someone who is worth your time, and you will be happy
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replied April 11th, 2009
It sounds like he changed a little when he went to college. Long distance relationships are very hard & college is to be fun & enjoying. I don't think it was right how he treated you, but it sounds like he is just in a "fun" stage in his life right now. You should look for a boy who wants to talk with you, not ignore you.
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replied April 11th, 2009
Experienced User
Don't cry over the roses...
Melissa,

I know how you feel, my ex- went to uni, and before when we were together, she was hinting to me that there would be "other guys" at uni (she didn't met them at that time, I know she sounds stupid and she is)

I deleted her from msn because she was becoming distant from me (after the split, still don't know why, I wasn't ignoringher , believe me I loved her so much)

I missed her so much as you miss your guy, but you can't go any deeper than what I did : I e-mailed mine saying that it was all my fault that we split, etc... and that I was sorry. (There was nothing I was sorry about, coz I didn't do anything wrong, she left me...) you can see my whole story on the forum somewhere...

anyway she never said sorry to me because she kinda said it was an error to go out with her ex's therefore me.

And in the end of my "false" sorry e-mails I got just a "How are you?" from her on msn. (before she just said "Hi" and that was it)

I've deleted her from my life, do I regret about it - No, but I still think about her.

Same with you, you say you were with someone before he went to uni, but I'm convinced this is kinda you're first proper first love story.

It's hard, avoid him, you'll cry, you'll feel sad...but hey, in the end...somewhere, sometime...you'll feel alot better.

In some ways he lied to you saying one thing then saying the next.

If he was really a friend, he wouldn't be distant and cold. He would know that friendship is the only "ship" that never sinks because it can last forever, but if he can't see that, then delete him from your life. Believe me, I've been there, it's terrible what you're feeling I know, but just keep your head high, avoid romantic songs, films...and dive more into comedy to cheer you up.

Peace dudette.

And hey, if you're looking for a nice, gentle, charming guy...I'm free...ha ha ha. It's a joke, a little joke just to cheer you up...

No seriously... I am free.

HA HA HA.
(just a little joke behind the first one)

See ya!
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