I'm a new member and just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a 33 year old married father of 2 girls, 5 and 3 and have been in the United States Air Force for 10 years working as a linguist. I've had issues with depression since I can remember. There is no point in me talking about my bouts with depression in the past so I will focus my posts and threads about my current situation.


I have several medical issues besides the depression that I deal with on a day to day basis, the biggest being chronic achilles tendonitis. Over the last few weeks I've also had kidney stones, unexplained additional abdominal pain, and pain in my wrist due to a break I suffered back in 2004. I was also diagnosed with a pulmonary nodule. Go me.

I began therapy with a psychiatrist about 10 months ago. After a few months of therapy he diagnosed me with a narcissistic personality disorder and dysthymia and prescribed me Wellbutrin. The combination of therapy and medication worked really really well for a good 6 months. I was able to make an almost 180 degree turn in my life. However lately, 3 weeks or so, everything has gone to sh*t.

I am not happy. I have no positive thoughts. I am having trouble sleeping. I am having the same old violent irrational negative thoughts and images in my head. I have fears of death and dying. I have fears of my children suffering and/or dying. I stress about my dogs who are getting old, 9 and 7. I feel overwhelmed and unsupported. I want so badly to go back to the, for lack of a better phrase, posiitve vibes that I had for the months things were going good.

During the good times I was able to actually take joy in things such as a cool breeze, watching the storm clouds roll in, the smell of the air and wild onions, the mosaic of colors that appear all around us in nature, watching my kids do what kids do and not get upset that they werent doing what we asked.

However, nothing I do at this point is working. I'm not sure if its that my body has become accustomed to the medication or if there is some underlying stress factor I'm not conciously aware of or perhaps the fact that I'm in pain every moment of ever day.

I hope that this board can become a good thereputic tool for me and hope that I am able to help the rest of the community whenever possible.

- Phalid