My experience with taking Wellbutrin and drinking alcohol is amazing. This said, I also take Lamictal as a mood stabilizer, and it may contribute to the results I'm seeing, although I don't have any facts to back that up as yet.
I've been classified as an alcoholic all of my adult life. I had to stop drinking the first time at the age of 21. I am also diagnosed with atypical bipolar which means I have Depression and Anxiety, so I'm the sort of alcoholic who started drinking in attempts to self-medicate mood issues.
Last summer I decided I'd like to have a beer. Having been in and out of A.A. for years, and knowing that such a choice could be devastating from an A.A. perspective, I knew to be careful. But I'd seen Wellbutrin and possibly also Lamictal take away nicotine cravings, and I had a theory it might do the same for alcohol. I hadn't looked anything up online about my suspicion, it was just an intuitive feeling.
So I had that beer. I drank it slowly. I finished it. And I was satisfied. I truly didn't want another. Off and on over the past almost year, I've bought wine or beer here and there, each time only having a small amount and wanting none beyond that. Most often, glasses of wine or beer would sit on my desk unfinished at the end of the night. I'd look at them and think, wow, that drink has been sitting there for an hour and I forgot all about it. Other times I'd open the refrigerator and see wine or beer and ask myself if I wanted any, and the answer would be no. I'd reach for a soda instead.
During last fall and winter I completely lost interest in even having alcohol in the house. I just didn't want it. As spring approached I thought it would be nice to have some again. And just like last summer and fall, my experience with alcohol is baffling and wonderful. Most nights I don't even think about it. If I do decide to have some, I'll have a few sips and then hours later realize the tasty beverage still sits awaiting consumption.
One night recently when my 12 year-old son was with his father for the weekend, I decided to have enough wine to get a comfortable buzz. Yet unlike previous times of indulging past the minimum line, I didn't get depressed. I didn't get impulsive and do something stupid I'd regret later. At the height of the buzz, I sat outside looking at the stars, and said to myself, "I'm kinda drunk. This is nice."
Now that had never and could never have happened to me before this time. Getting drunk was dangerous for me, I knew it consciously, I knew it deep down, I knew I couldn't trust myself to be responsible or sane when drinking. But this time it felt nice, sweet, and I had no compulsion to drink beyond that point. Before I went to sleep, I could feel the drunkenness fading away and sobriety returning, but even that didn't fill me with the desire to return to that perfect moment of bliss. Instead, I let myself get sleepy and I went to bed.
Alcoholics Anonymous will tell people my experience is impossible. They will say once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. But brain science has come a long way since the days of Bill W., as have psychiatric and craving-reducing medications. I am living proof that medication can change the way an alcoholic brain drinks.
I also happen to be someone for whom growth and evolution along spiritual and emotional lines is important. So I try to experience everything in life on a deep, open, honest level. So I practice gratitude and am very to be experiencing this transformation. In other words, I don't take advantage of it. I don't keep raising the bar to see how much or how often I can drink. I look at alcohol now as a nice treat, but I also remember and can never forget that in a heartbeat it can become a poisonous foe.
I'm fairly sure that if I stopped taking Effexor, Lamictal, Wellbutrin (and occasionally Buspar), that I would be quite capable of drinking alcoholically again. I realize that my brain chemistry in relation to alcohol hasn't been permanently modified. My normalcy regarding alcohol is completely contingent upon my taking these prescribed medications.
But how incredible is this, I mean, so many people die by drinking themselves to death, or by driving drunk and killing others in the process. And I've been given a reprieve from that. Not the kind of reprieve that says I can't ever touch alcohol again. The kind of reprieve that says I can, safely and enjoyably, have a drink or two now and then.
Of course, any out there who share my past experience with alcohol should discuss this with their therapist, psychiatrist, or other doctor. Maybe my neurochemistry is wacky and this is a fluke. But I strongly suspect it isn't.
I only ask that you private message me instead of posting questions on my Wall, because I do have two parents, as well as my son's father, who likely will forever remain convinced that I can never drink responsibly. It's such a shame that I have to hide this truth from them. But I know they just won't open their minds and listen.
Thanks for reading,
hillary