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19 weeks, 21, scared, stressed and unhappy

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I have been with my "bf" father of my baby due in July for three years. we've had a rocky road...we were broken up at the time i found out i was pregnant, a time of me forcing to be away from him because i thought it was best for us both. we missed each other so much, but from when i found out and set an abortion date, an abortion was in his mind the only option, and told him i cancelled because i couldn't bring myself to being okay going through with it. i always wanted a life created with him, a loving family. but now i am almost at my halfway mark, and he is miserable. i thought we were moving out together. he takes me to work because my car i just got died (after he took me to work for a year when we lived together until i had gotten that one) he hates me, he has said that and many other things to my face. he's very honest with things like his feelings to me. he's not moving with me it turns out. he's moving out with some friends, and i'm not included. as much as he despises me, he lets me stay with him. he says i can come over whenever when he moves again but that doesnt work for me. i am five months pregnant, the love of my life and i have become nightmares to one another. im saving for a car, he blames me for ruining his free schedule having to worry about getting me to work. he says he wont be forced to be with me, he'll support the child and be there for them if he has to, but not me. he's not ready to grow up. not ready to be a parent. he's 24. i cant live with my parents, which is where i do for now but i stay with him. once the baby is here i need my own place. i make 800 dollars a month roughly. my heart is so broken i can even describe the pain and fear and stress i am feeling. my parents tried to talk me into abortion, adoption, anything but this. he wants me to put our baby up for adoption. i am so unhappy, i wanted it to work so badly. i love this baby and i haven't even met them yet. but im worried, if i cant support them, if i wont be good enough for them. what will happen. everything is so unknown i just break down and cry endlessly, thinking about whats going to happen. i cant force him to be with me, but either way im making him miserable if i dont put them for adoption. but i cant. this is a life created out of love from the man i do love, we have just been twisted through time. im not ready for all of this, but i know im my heart it wont matter. i just wish he wasnt so cruel. but im the bad guy.
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