20 weeks pregnant and had a breakdown, suicidal

My story is long im sorry. My pregnancy wasn't planned, it happened through the use of the morning after pill. When my partner found out I was pregnant, he told me I should abort, he doesn't want. Baby. I even went as far as the abortion room but i couldn't go through. He tried pressuring me throughout but when he saw that I was not willing to abort he immediately withdrew from the whole scene, cut me off his life completely. I used to get angry and go to him, we would fight at one time I ended up in hospital then at 15 weeks I calmed down and also decided to leave things with him. We are like strangers now, but he makes sure he hurts me I think he is going out with girls from the office just to hurt me. I have had problems with the pregnancy, This is my first child and I really needed his support. Everything was going ok after I ddecided to leave him, my stress levels were low until I had major cramps and the baby stoped moving I are again called him the whole night for help but he didnt budge, eventually I went to him and forced him to take me to hospital, thank God the baby was fine but I still couldnKt feel the baby move, so I got really depressed and cried so much, after that I decided to end my life, I went to take a bath and cut myself so I could bleed to death but strangely just little blood came out even though me wounds were so deep. I stayed in the bath for 3 hours and the baby moveD, I felt so bad for letting my baby down, I cleaned myself and phoned him, he was so rude and refused to see me. Im now so depressed and I cant seem to snap out, I cant eat I can only smell blood, my wounds are hurting. I cant go to work like this. Everything is suddenly a mess. My baby still kicks, its like its trying to wake me up but for the life in me I just cant. There is no family to help me. Plz help me, I need to eat, be healthy for my baby. We have come so far, I cant give up now.. Even now he still kicks. I need help.