Broken Hearted Forum - 30 weeks pregnant and found out my partner has been unfaithfull

Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum > 30 weeks pregnant and found out my partner has been unfaithfull

TOPICS DOCTOR QUESTIONS

do i take him back?

yes
no

33% [ 2 ]

66% [ 4 ]

Total Votes : 6

Q: 30 weeks pregnant and found out my partner has been unfaithfull

asked by: lovelylyd on October 1st, 2008

New User

im now 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby and just found out that my partner of nearly 4 years has been having an affair for almost 12 months. i contacted the other woman for answears and she had no idea i ever existed let alone pregnant, it turns out that he has been telling her he loves her and wants to marry her. he works away alot and has been staying with her while iv been home alone looking after the house.
he is now saying how sorry he is and that it was a huge mistake and that he loves me and our unborn son too much to loose us, he wants us to carry on the plan of getting a new house in a better area and being a real family. i love him so much and totaly confused about what i should do, i realy want to be able to forgive him and bring our son up in a stable happy family home but on the other hand i dont know if i could ever trust him or believe a word he says again.and if i did take him back how do we move forward to better times?

anyone been in the same situation? all advice well aprechiated x

Replies(8)

rooted

replied on October 2nd, 2008

Supporter

I'm so sorry that you're in this situation!

Have you considered a marriage counselor who can help you navigate the trust issue and discussions? Your husband needs to SERIOUSLY win you back before you're able to trust him again.

OfficerJagger

replied on October 2nd, 2008

Experienced User

Personally, I don't think human nature will EVER fully allow you to trust him implicitly again. I think that you'll always consider the possibility and that will be seriously hard to handle.

Question: Did you find this out or did he tell you?

If he told you there's some room for hope (he has some exisiting genuine consious there)

If you found out, would he have ever told you? (After an entire year; likely not)

And it's different if it was once or twice, but a year is a committment to something.

I would suggest you evalute the situation for your son (as hard as it will be to sacrifice your feelings) but whichever you decide will have a tremendous effect on your son's entire being and life.

I wish you the very best of luck in whichever you choose. And congrats and being a mommy-to-be!

lovelylyd

replied on October 2nd, 2008

New User

thany you both very much, i actualy found him out due to numerouse little things and when i had hard evidence he told me tho whole truth.

he says he needs some space to figure out who he is and why he did this to me, says he is sick of hurting people and wants to change for the sake of our son and for the sake of our future.

i want to share the joy of parenthood with him so we can cherrish every moment together and so that our son has a real family, but what if he does this again when there is a bond between father and son? then what do i do! i dont want my son to grow to resent me if i make the wrong choice.

is it possible for a leppord to change his spots?

rooted

replied on October 3rd, 2008

Supporter

Absolutely. If he is ready for personal growth, then he can look at a long-lasting commitment to you. Marriage and life partnership are NOT EASY and require surrender. However, you need to also be careful at this time. I'd suggest that at least you see a psychologist or mental health professional to process your feelings of distrust and anger. You can learn to trust your instincts so that you can make these very important decisions in your life from an authentic and real place.

lovelylyd

replied on October 3rd, 2008

New User

thanks rooted

thanks so much, its been hard getting advice that isn't bias as all my family and friends want to wring his neck. iv taken your advice and contacted a local councelor, i see her in afew days. im just so glad iv got my baby with me because i would be a compleate wreck by now.

rooted

replied on October 3rd, 2008

Supporter

Good for you, hun. You're taking steps...and there is some kind of peace in that. Just keep asking the questions and following your path. You'll be fine. And let us know if you need any support. We're here 24-7!

Users who thank rooted for this post: lovelylyd

lovelylyd

replied on October 4th, 2008

New User

well iv decided to leave him, i realy realy wanted to work it out but i cant stop the images goin through my head and i know i would never be able to trust him id be a paranoid mess.

what do i do now im an emotional rollercoaster. I feel like im loosing my mind, he keeps telling me that i need him and hes right hes the one that made me feel safe and wanted if i couldnt cope he was there, i have no1 now i dont know how to be alone its killin me, but he betrayed me and loved another woman, im lost and never felt so alone.

zigemyster

replied on October 4th, 2008

Supporter

Surround yourself with people that understand and support your decision. I would suggest that they don't speak bad of him in front of you or your child (once he is born). It will just make matters worse.

He made the decision to stray and continued the lie and the other woman had no idea you existed. I know I could not trust my husband ever again after something like this and always wondering what is he doing when I'm not around....other than implanting a GPS in him and no one should ever feel the need to go to such extents to make sure one is faithful. Trust is hard to get back, if ever.

~Zig

Users who thank zigemyster for this post: lovelylyd

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