Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

We were perfect. But now im spiraling out of Control

Should i let her go?
Yes, you need to move on.
No, fight for what you love/want
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Well the story begins in 8th grade. She was the new girl in school and i reached out to her to be friends. We talked all the time, what we had was perfect. Then the 8th grade dance came a long and i asked her to go with me. She said yes. This is were our relationship starts. At first it was just puppy love, but our relationship grew. We could not be separated. Then came along high school. I had to switch schools so i could play the sports i wanted. I did not move houses tho and she was just down the road so i thought it would work out. But it didn't about the end of my freshmen year we separated do to a rumor that was started by what i thought was my bestfriend. Now im in 10th grade. Hockey practice is about to begin and i look up to see her sitting in the stands. I was shocked and happy. We then went on to date again. Everything was going great but we separated again because of miscommunication problems. I was heart broken. I had many girlfriends before but not one break up made me sad. I could tell that this one was special.

Well then came my junior year. I had to move back to my old school because of financial reasons. Again we started to date. I was the happiest man there was. We did everything together. Dinners, dates, movies, vacations, games, anything you could think of. Now its the end of my senior year. We started to fight a little but over the small things. Nothing really major. So the other day she tells me she wants to separate. I lost it. I can't even sit in class without crying because she's in almost all my classes. I don't cry ever, but she has this magical power over me. I can't stand being with out her. And i think this one was the last break up. I don't see us getting back together and i cry everyday because of that thought. I need help and fast. Before its too late.
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replied January 30th, 2012
Heres the thing.
I met my ex freshman year, at the time she didn't like me because I was dating her best friend at the time. But after a few months, me and her had this connection that was unbelievable. I never cheated on my first ex, though when me and the girl im speaking of now got very very close. After 9months of fighting i couldnt take it anymore and I broke it off with the other girl. 3 weeks later i finally admitted to this girl im talking about that i had been secretly falling for her since we first met.

And thats how it started. For two months i had never smiled more, never felt more loved. 10th grade started, and everything was fine. But nothing is ever perfect, and the honeymoon stage ends on its own accord. She cheated on me with a previous guy she had been talking to before me. As far as i knew, it was only once, and she admitted it to me. I was completely destroyed. I didn't know what to do. I ended up cheating on her, though eventually she caught me. I broke it off with her because i didn't want to hurt her anymore.

A month later we met again, and i realized we both weren't over what had happened. We fell back into a mad love, she gave me her innocence (virginity). We were so happy.. the summer came around again and she began to become extremely clingy. I began to become sick of it, but rather than tell her, I kept it inside until we broke up the very next school year. Btw we go to different schools now. I thought this was the end for sure, i even dated another girl for a while, but began to realize how much i had missed her. She came over my house one day w/o telling me. I didnt know if i was upset or happier than i had been for those 3 weeks we werent together. Needless to say, it was the same pattern. We dated again for a whole year. And this is where i can honestly say, i made the greatest mistake, i broke it off with her at the start of our senior year. I told her we needed some time away, and that i had wanted her to do w.e she pleased, whether that involved dating other people or moving on. Well we both did that. I got with another girl while she was with some guy she had met.

A month later, i gave her a call with the intention to break it off completely. I thought she was happy with this guy, turns out nothing is ever what it seems. She had been miserable. She had only been with him out of my wishes for her to move on. So yeah, same routine. at the time this was October 21st 2011. I had begun to get involved into drugs for the duration of our relationship. In December 27th, i was pulled over for suspicion of possession. I confessed and was let off. I told her what i had been doing, she was devastated. January 7th, at 2:00am i gave her a call because she had been avoiding me. She told me she had been losing her feelings for me. I wasn't surprised, i told her maybe its best if we stop seeing each other. So we broke it off again. The next day she was already with the same guy from October. I was prepared to miss her, but I had no idea how much it was going to hurt. After the first two weeks, she told me she wanted to see me. So we met again January 27th, almost 3 weeks after the break up. I saw her with no expectations, she had missed me. I asked her if she had wanted to hang out with my best friend, his girlfriend and myself. She was reluctant to agree, but she gave in. That night she came over, my friend and his girl never showed up. Me and her were extremely tired, so we headed to my bed. At first we laid next to each other, not touching or holding. Just laid there. Eventually she reached out and held my arm. I moved in closer and wrapped my arms around her waist, and we slept. 2 hours later we awoke, as did I. She told me to make love to her. I dont need to go further into detail, but afterwards she said she had done it out of lust, not love. She said she had still loved me, though i didn't know what to believe. She left that night, leaving me with my bleeding heart and empty mind. January 29th 2012, she came over again, asked if she could spend the day with me. I had agreed, we spent the whole day laughing, loving each other like how it should have been. At night she began to cry, as did I. She said she wanted us to be together. But she said that if she were to come back, it would be because she has gotten over what has happened in our 3 years, not because she missed me. I understood, i still understand. It hurts so much, to have realized at the end that she is all i've ever wanted. All i've ever needed. We kissed, we kissed and cried, and eventually said goodbye. I told her i would have her again, in this life or the next.

Why have i put 3 years on blast for you to see? Maybe because i need to tell someone who i think will understand, maybe its to let you know that your not alone. Whatever the reason may be, the only advice i can offer, is never lose sight if whats important, value what you have, what you had. Keep the memories alive because they were real. The love, the laugh, the sex, the screams, the anger, these things are real. Love is complicated, but its only complicated because its mixed with so many different emotions. Keep the memories in your heart and in your mind. They can destroy you, or give you strength. I've suffered a fate worst than death, but now i dont view it that way. I thank her for giving me these memories. I hope what i have said gives you some comfort. Dont lose hope, dont lose faith. Love will keep you alive, all you need is love.
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