I have been in a relationship for 8 years. When I first met him I was dating lots of other guy's and well he was willing to give me everything I needed and wanted at the time. I am a singer and he owned a recording studio. We wrote great music together and it brought us closer until we decided to start seeing each other exclusively. When I met him I was 21. Very young. Just got out of a relationship that ended badly. I had been cheated on in every relationship I had ever had, And I can't make an excuse for this other then in the first 4 years of mine and my 8 year relationship guy... I cheated on him like 7 times. I felt like I was trying to figure out a way to get out of the relationship. But he would always get me to come back some how.

Through out the entire relationship. He is a very smart guy and well throughout the relationship I was never right, Never, I was always wrong. It started damaging me, where I thought that everything I did was wrong, or bad. I started not thinking for myself anymore, Cause I felt so bad about being stupid. He would say stuff like "I am always right, you should just get used it it and try not proving me wrong cause it won't work" thats just one sample. Then everytime we fought, he would bring up all the cheating that I did in the first 4 years. I actually went to leadership class to learn to not lie and cheat. Try to prove to him I could change and I had. I hadn't cheated or lied in the last 3 years of the relationship but it wasn't ever good enough. Then it got to a point where he would start bad lashing himself about his body and how I don't touch him enough and he even would make me lists of stuff I had to do in the bedroom in order for him to be happy or feel loved. I felt insecure about that, had trouble doing it, cause I felt like I had to, not cause I wanted to if that makes sense. I am very bisexual to, and he wanted threesomes but I could never find a girl that I was attracted to in order to do that, He had us on dating sites trying to find girls and so fourth and then the last 3 months of the relationship he said I think you should go on and find yourself a gf, and well I did... and I realized why I hadn't been attracted to him cause I was attracted to her, I went back through all my men relationships and realized I had never been able to get horny with anyone before, not really but with the girl it was different. I am estatic happy , but now my guy feels lost, and worthless. Basically we totally abused eachother through out the relationship.. 8 years is a long relationship and we were a big emotional rollercoaster. It was a very hard relationship and we also have two kids. So when we tried to break up, he would always say we have to stay together for the kids, and he would punish me over and over for what I did in he past even though I had changed it and got courses, I think I had already damaged him...in the first 4 years...and he just decided for the next 4 years he would punish me for what I did to him, so basically it was two people with pans hitting eachother, well now that we are broken up, I want him back, how wrong is that, and how do I get over this feeling of pity and feeling bad for him?