I am recently separated and she is filing for divorce after 20 years. I still do not know why she left. I have stopped asking because the answer is always different. When I ask about her different answers she gets very angry and says she is allowed to change her mind. The funny part is that she is not really all that attractive, and other women have always found me attractive. At 41 I look like I could be on the cover of Mens Health. I know it sounds very egotistical, but I have such a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that she really has never had any attraction for me and yet other women love being with me. Looking back I don't ever think she loved me. There is something about me that just brings out annoyance and anger. If we did not have the three boys together she would certainly have left and I would never hear from her again. The only thing that makes any sense is the money I used to make. We lived overseas for many years and traveled much of the world because of my job. I left my job because I could not longer deal with the feeling that my work was part of a larger picture that was hurting the lives of others. Of our three boys the youngest is with me, but two of the now really have no communication with me. I don't hear from them. And yet I do so much to make sure she is still part of the life of the son with with me. He is all I have now. I will I could erase her from my life. Because I know I mean nothing to her. I will end here because it would take a novel to write all that has happened. I wonder if true love really does exist or if it is just something that exists in books and movies.